Right Worry, Wrong Parent

[BlackCat]

I'm not sure what I'm expecting from posting this here, but I'm hurting and I want to be able to speak about this, or at least to say something.

I was very worried about my fathers health about 2 weeks ago, when he was uncontactable for a day and it turned out he had been in hospital overnight. Thanks to the folks in sickbay for helping me out there, but I sadly discovered how right Seshat was on how hospitals react to serious problems. And in this case it was my mum (who has always been very healthy in the past).

On Saturday afternoon I got a call from the local hospital saying my mum was there in intensive care and I should come in. They didn't know what was wrong with her, other than she was extremely dehydrated and had suffered a cardiac arrest just after she arrived in the emergency department. On Monday they told us her kidney and liver were failing, and on Tuesday they determined that she had Influenza B. That night, at 1:45am, we got the call that she had passed away. She never regained consciousness after the cardiac arrest.

What really really hurts about this is that mum did get the flu shot and has for several years now. And the fact that monday was my birthday, and my only wish, that mum get better, didn't get fulfilled.

It was so fast, I almost can't believe it.

RIP mum, you were the best mother I could have hoped for. I miss you so badly.

[Zellie Crescent]

*hugs* I'm sorry you lost your mom.

[iradney]

*HUGS* so very sorry to hear this

[Kanalah]

*hugs* I am so sorry for your loss.

[morgana]

So very sorry. (hugs)

[Gizmo]

hugs. thoughts with you and the family. xx

[Bright_Star]

May she rest in peace. I hope you can find comfort in the fact that she isn't hurting anymore.

[Docmayhem]

I truly sympathise with you and you have my heartfelt condolences and prayers.

My mother-in-law is a stroke survivor with many health issues, but it was my father-in-law (who was something of a surrogate father to me) who suffered a massive heart attack and/or stroke and died suddenly two years ago. (The doctor said he was dead before he hit the floor).

There is no way to be emotionally prepared for something like this.

The greatest testament to your mother's life is how much you love her.

[MoonCat]

I'm so sorry. Hugs and prayers to you.

[Akasa]

How horrible!

I can only imagine how much pain you are in now. I know nothing I can say can make this better.

I will give you /hugs however, and I'm sure no one here would mind if you wanted to talk about her, share memories, or talk about how you're feeling.

/hugs again

[csquared]

You have my deepest sympathies.

[Teefies2]

I'm so sorry for your loss My prayers are with you and your family.

[Sapphire Silk]

I'm not sure what I'm expecting from posting this here, but I'm hurting and I want to be able to speak about this, or at least to say something.

On Monday they told us her kidney and liver were failing, and on Tuesday they determined that she had Influenza B.

What really really hurts about this is that mum did get the flu shot and has for several years now.

BlackCat I am so very sorry for your loss

Please let me explain about the flu shot. The flu shot is an important thing anyone who is older or very young should get every year, and anyone with health problems. Everyone should get one, actually, but especially those groups (plus health care workers).

While the shot is usually very effective at preventing the flu, it is not fool proof. In rare cases people do get the flu in spite of having the shot. I'm very sorry to hear your mom was one of those people. It is very sad.

The flu can be a very nasty little bug

[Seshat]

I am very, very sorry to hear this. You have my sympathy.


I was going to say what Sapphire Silk has just said about the flu shot. Right now, you probably don't care about the technical reasons. If you ever do want to know, please ask.


Look after yourself. Look after your Dad.

Ask people who are in the next 'circle' out from you and him to support you.

Edit to add: What with your father being in fragile health anyway, this level of emotional shock could - no, will - put further stress on him.
You're in emotional shock as well. Don't go expecting yourself to support him at the level of support he might need.

Find someone in the next circle out, or the circle after: people who aren't your mother's immediate family or best friends, but the next step away. Get two or three of those; the sort of person who's reliable and capable and competent, and have them take care of your father's purely physical needs.
Depending on his health, this may be as simple as transport to medical appointments and delivering the occasional casserole; or as complex as organising meals on wheels and community care housecleaning and personal care and all the other disability support services your community offers.

This should NOT be your burden right now. But it might need to be done. Call on friends and family.

[CorneliaMarieRocks]

Damn, I'm so sorry to hear this..Prayers & ((HUGS)) going out to you & your family

as an addition to what Seshat suggested, maybe look into having Hospice or even Home Health Care help with your dad during this time, especially if you don't have any family nearby. I'm not sure where exactly you're located so..Hospice isn't just for terminal patients anymore

Even when we're expecting it, death, while something everyone will eventually experience, is still a shock, been there, done that, got the t-shirt

Just know that you've got support in whatever form you need it here ((HUGS))