Blending families

[BroSCFischer]

Being that the children have been without a male authority figure for most of their lives, this is going to be a significant adjustment for them. I hate to say it, but you may need to slow down the transition to give them more time to adjust.

You may also want to look into local professionals who may be experienced in helping with this sort of situation (psychiatrist/psychologist/pastor/etc.) I know that in my case, when my parents remarried it helped to seek some counseling to deal with issues, and those above professionals with experience dealing with children of divorce may be able to help your children adjust to the new dynamics.

I do want to caution you that, because your children are in their teens, it may be that it will never be completely comfortable for them. If you decide to continue with the relationship long-term (I guess a domestic partnership would be the best phrase to describe it) you may also have to accept that it may cause a good deal of friction between you and your children (given their current attitude). Especially if the eldest had been given some level of authority (as happens in single parent situations) that he may not wish to cede to an "interloper".

My best recommendation is to seek out a child counselor of some sort. This will likely be the most effective means of "smoothing the transition".

SC

[justhere]

I have to agree with BroSCFischer's suggestion of a counselor. I know of a blended family - the husband and wife were married within a year after their respective divorces (they didn't meet until after both divorces were final), and there were lots of issues with the kids (who were all teens or pre-teens) when they did get married (not helped by angry ex's who weren't happy about the marriage). The new couple went to see a therapist to get tips on how to best communicate with their kids; they then had the kids see the therapist so they had a safe place to share their feelings; etc, etc, etc. Long-story that isn't getting shorter - I was there when the husband and his son picked up her son from camp; they were all happy to see each other, with hugs and can't-show-emotion-punches. It isn't perfect but they are a very well-blended family as far as I can see.

If you can do the counseling route, it may help you.