Man tries to cheat a drug test, gets a nice surprise

[fireheart]

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So an Egyptian man was selected for a pee test and decided to use his wife's pee instead. Instead, he wound up discovering something ELSE about his wife (she hadn't told him). Too damn funny.

[Tama]

"How do you know it's not mine???"

"Sir, if it's yours we have bigger issues to worry about..."

[Gilhelmi]

In this situation, things are just as things appear (probably).

However, I have heard of men showing positive for being pregnant. Sadly, it is a side effect of testicular cancer. I read it on a Cracked about the Internet helping people. A friend of the person posted a Rage Comic joking about him playing with the tester as a joke. Then several Reddit users posted that he should get checked out. It turns out that he had cancer, but in very early stages (because of the early detection).

[Ironclad Alibi]

The urine test story is an urban legend, not that it doesn't actually happen sometimes.

[fireheart]

In this situation, things are just as things appear (probably).

However, I have heard of men showing positive for being pregnant. Sadly, it is a side effect of testicular cancer. I read it on a Cracked about the Internet helping people. A friend of the person posted a Rage Comic joking about him playing with the tester as a joke. Then several Reddit users posted that he should get checked out. It turns out that he had cancer, but in very early stages (because of the early detection).

Except that this wasn't a guy peeing on a test strip. (Although now I should get partner to do so )

[wolfie]

I've heard about a case where a race horse needed to be tested for performance improving drugs. Horses won't pee on demand, so the handler was given the task of waiting for it to pee and then catching a sample. He got tired of waiting and provided the sample himself. This was found out when the sample tested positive for nicotine.

I would not be surprised if samples were tested for substances other than the "targets" as "markers" which would indicate (by either presence, as in the case above, or absence, as with caffeine in a trucker's FMCSA-mandated test) a suspicious sample.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Time for this old story.

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.

''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."