Advice about working

[Moirae]

Not about a specific job, but about working.

As you know, I was fired after a month on the job. I made a post about it on here.

Here's the thing... this is the third time. Now, I've posted about the last two jobs, and information on the last job. All of them were stressful to the maximum they can manage. Now my husband says that none of it was my fault and it was all theirs (all of these places are places that have screwed him over in the past). He knows what happened including things I never shared on here.

The problem is, I lost the job last Thursday. And its not about them really. It's about me. Even the thought of going back to work brings me to tears. Even the thought of applying for jobs brings me to tears. My heart starts pounding and I start to feel panic. I have applied for unemployment yes. And I don't like this feeling, not one bit. I'm so scared its going to happen again. I keep thinking that it must be me. Three jobs since I moved to the United States. It only happened once to me in Canada, but three times now. And I know much much more than I ever did living there.

Have you ever felt panic at even the thought of applying for jobs?

I'm so tired of being treated like dirt. Over and over again here. Walked on, talked to like I'm a slave or worthless. And the manager directly above me always seems to be a dumbass that's getting away with their horrible behavior.

I'm actually scared to go back to work. It's been so ego bruising. I feel like I want to hide in my house and never leave.

My husband says its ok, that he understands and loves me. He says he knows I'm burned out and we will be ok. But even typing this here has brought me to tears.

And I am so scared. I'm almost 40 years old, and have gone nowhere in my chosen career, and every time I try to, something happens so that I lose everything I've been working for.

Why is it that assholes get away with murder at a job but I always get shit on for doing what I'm told or even trying to think ahead.

[mjr]

It's about me. Even the thought of going back to work brings me to tears. Even the thought of applying for jobs brings me to tears. My heart starts pounding and I start to feel panic. I have applied for unemployment yes. And I don't like this feeling, not one bit. I'm so scared its going to happen again. I keep thinking that it must be me. Three jobs since I moved to the United States. It only happened once to me in Canada, but three times now. And I know much much more than I ever did living there.

I don't mean to pry, but does your husband make enough to support the both of you? If he does, and if the both of you are OK with it, why not stay home? I know there's a certain "stigma" some places about the wife staying at home (with women's empowerment, and such), but in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with an educated woman staying at home, if that's what she decides to do. It may be better for your health, stress, marriage, etc.

You might get some side-eye for it, but it may be worth it to consider.

My wife and I decided that she was going to stay home when we got married. Of course, we were going to try to start a family right away, but it's still something we decided.

Have you ever felt panic at even the thought of applying for jobs?

Not panic at applying. I usually get anxious and apprehensive about changing jobs. I hate interviewing, and I always feel awkward and uneasy turning in a resignation. I always feel like the last two weeks are going to be very awkward.

I'm so tired of being treated like dirt. Over and over again here. Walked on, talked to like I'm a slave or worthless. And the manager directly above me always seems to be a dumbass that's getting away with their horrible behavior.

You would probably not be surprised at how common this is. It's why comic strips like "Dilbert" and "Retail Comic" are so popular. They reflect the absurdity of real-life in office and retail environments, with a humorous side. Read up on the "Peter Principle" (and, as a corollary, the Dilbert Principle). The Peter Principle basically says that a person keeps getting promoted until they're incompetent. The Dilbert Principle (made up by Scott Adams) basically says that people are promoted into management because they're incompetent, and thus "removed" from the people doing the actual work.

It's dated, but if you get a chance to read "The Dilbert Principle", do so. It'll make you laugh and shake your head at the same time.

I'm actually scared to go back to work. It's been so ego bruising. I feel like I want to hide in my house and never leave.

I understand this, completely. If you still want to put your skills to work, have you considered doing "consulting" work? If you position yourself right, you can do consulting work and not have to put up with bosses, especially if you work for yourself. Two books I'd recommend for this are "Selling the Invisible" and "You, Inc.", both by Harry Beckwith. "Selling the Invisible" is about service marketing/selling, and "You, Inc." is about selling yourself.

I heard a great quote once, "Five years from now you'll be the same person, except for the books you read and the people you meet." I can't remember the exact source, but I heard it when I was listening to Dave Ramsey a few years back.

Also, remember: What gets measured gets done. What gets rewarded gets done well.

My husband says its ok, that he understands and loves me. He says he knows I'm burned out and we will be ok. But even typing this here has brought me to tears.

Of course he does! He's doing what a husband is supposed to do, and he is to be commended for it. He's supporting his wife when she's upset. You can't ask much more than that. Sounds like a good guy to me!

And I am so scared. I'm almost 40 years old, and have gone nowhere in my chosen career, and every time I try to, something happens so that I lose everything I've been working for.

I see no reason for you to be scared, at this point. Are there certifications you could get in your field? I don't know your education level, but could you expand that (i.e. if you have an undergrad, go for a Masters)?

Again, I wouldn't necessarily rule out consulting, if you're in a field where you can do that.

What about blogging about your thoughts of the industry? How it's changing, what you think businesses should do to be successful, etc?

Why is it that assholes get away with murder at a job but I always get shit on for doing what I'm told or even trying to think ahead.

For a few different reasons. Some are possibly psychopaths. Some are victims of policy, and they get in trouble if they don't follow the policy. They don't necessarily know how to, so they come of like asses. Some are just flat-out backstabbers. Some are experts at "office politics". Some want to kiss butt. Read up on Machiavelli, and Machiavellian behavior, I'm sure you'll find a lot of what you're talking about there.

In fact, here's a great Wiki article about Machiavellianism in the workplace:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machia..._the_workplace

Remember, a lot of it is about "survival".

There's a lot that management at a lot of companies has yet to figure out.

[Moirae]

I wish I could stop working. I really just want to not work anymore. But if I don't, then we will just barely be scraping by. Plus the guy he's working for... you can't trust him. I worked for him for two and a half years and he's batshit crazy. We wonder almost every day if he's going to just up and fire him for no reason (even though he's been the only manager he could count on for the last three years).

My husband has been looking for a new job for years and isn't even getting calls for interviews even using his connections.

I've considered being a consultant. Given what I've seen, and what I know, it wouldn't be difficult if I could get clients.

I've been considering virtual assistant. It isn't the first time I've thought about that. I could decide who I want to work with. But the most in demand seems to be social media. I have pretty much zero desire to do that. The second most in demand seems to be accounting but I HATE doing that with a passion.

I'm sorry, I guess I'm just feeling a bit hopeless right now.

You know what I really want? To own my own hotel. But the money.... it's damned near impossible unless you already have a huge nest egg sitting on the side. I was actually told by one person to use OPM (meaning, other peoples money) but how the hell would you go about doing that?

Thank you for responding to me.

[Teysa]

All I can offer is virtual hugs. If you and your husband can squeeze by while you're on unemployment, it might not hurt to take a short break and just concentrate on taking care of Moirae. Maybe some of the suggestions in the work at home thread would work for you after your break.

[mjr]

I've considered being a consultant. Given what I've seen, and what I know, it wouldn't be difficult if I could get clients.

Ask yourself this: In your field, how difficult would it be for you to get clients?

You know what I really want? To own my own hotel. But the money.... it's damned near impossible unless you already have a huge nest egg sitting on the side. I was actually told by one person to use OPM (meaning, other peoples money) but how the hell would you go about doing that?

I think I'd avoid using OPM if at all possible. I hear about these "real estate" seminars on the radio all the time where they talk about doing all this stuff "using none of your own money". But there's always a catch.

Although you do have me thinking. How difficult would it be for you to get a Bed & Breakfast up and running? That is kind of like a hotel. Except with fewer people.

But yeah, getting up and running in the hospitality industry can really cost a pretty penny.

[Moirae]

I'm taking a break. I have to. Not that I won't apply but I can't keep up the way I have. I need some time off. And a week isn't going to do it.

mjr, actually very. Unless you already have an established reputation in my city. While I do know some people, I definitely don't have an established reputation that would allow me to do it.

Now working as a virtual assistant, that's different. It's one of the biggest up and coming at home businesses in the world and increasing. The issue is still getting clients though. I tried once before and even belonged to the local Chamber of Commerce. Then I was hired at the batshit crazy man's hotel that I mentioned earlier in the thread and gave up because that hotel took over my life. At that hotel, working 14 hours for the six months was normal. After a couple years, we managed to get it down to 9-12 hours with only the occasional longer period. I'm still at a loss as to why I was fired from that job. Even his wife said she doesn't understand it because she knows how hard I was working and that I was very good at my job. For the virtual assistant stuff, before I stopped working on the business, I started having people email for RFP's, so it can work. The issue with that is that every one of them were asking for social media management which I have never offered.

The problem is that you still need a nest egg to even open a B&B. What money we do have is tied up in our house and we've only owned the house since February. At this moment, we don't have much equity built up in it. And to get a business loan, you need to have 1/5th the money it would require to buy the property already saved before the loan companies will consider it (I already checked). Even the government won't help. And honestly, we have $4000 in the bank. We had just started building it up again with me having gotten the last job.

[mjr]

I'm taking a break. I have to. Not that I won't apply but I can't keep up the way I have. I need some time off. And a week isn't going to do it.

I don't blame you for feeling like you need some time off. It might give you a great opportunity to re-evaluate and recharge.

If you don't mind me asking, what field are you in? Is that also your field of expertise?

mjr, actually very. Unless you already have an established reputation in my city.

"The journey of a thousand miles starts with one step." -- attributed to Confucius.

Look into Guerrilla marketing. It's generally a way to "market on a budget". But you have to be creative and do a lot of pavement-patting for it to work. I don't think you'll have a problem with either.

Business cards are relatively cheap. I got 500 or so a few years back for under $20, I think. They just had my name, an email address, phone number, and "Computer Programming Consultant". I've handed out a few.

And if you need "Office" style software, just download OpenOffice.

Everybody started somewhere.

Short story: I went to a technical conference last year. The keynote speaker changed some perspective for me. He referenced "Sturgeon's Law", which basically states that "90% of everything is crap". The message was "be in the 10%".

He also told us that basically certain things, after a while, become "expected".

He also used a great example involving WordPerfect vs Word. At one point, WordPerfect was the de-facto Word Processing program. Microsoft came along, and took the most commonly-used features (WordPerfect had about 1,700 things you could do), and built Word, which is now (basically) the De-Facto word processing program.

Another example (last one, I promise) was Six Flags vs Disneyland. You go to them for different reasons. And even the maps are different. The Six Flags map shows rides. The Disneyland map shows the "Experience" features.

His point was you don't go to Six Flags for the "Experience", whereas that's what separates Disney. Disneyland is all about the experience.

The problem is that you still need a nest egg to even open a B&B. What money we do have is tied up in our house and we've only owned the house since February. At this moment, we don't have much equity built up in it. And to get a business loan, you need to have 1/5th the money it would require to buy the property already saved before the loan companies will consider it (I already checked). Even the government won't help. And honestly, we have $4000 in the bank. We had just started building it up again with me having gotten the last job.

Oh, sure! I definitely understand that. Though I'd avoid debt on that if you can.

I know where you're coming from. I've been considering doing some "side" consulting and starting a side business of my own. I just don't have time right now.

[Moirae]

I don't blame you for feeling like you need some time off. It might give you a great opportunity to re-evaluate and recharge.

If you don't mind me asking, what field are you in? Is that also your field of expertise?

I work in the hotel industry. 13 years in every department except accounting and maintenance, and everything from Front Desk, to Housekeeping, Sales, and even as an Assistant General Manager. I even have experience in Revenue Management, though I hesitate to call myself a Revenue Manager as I don't know the forms of reporting and much of the analysis they use.

I'm a college trained administrative assistant. Now it's been a while since I graduated but I do still have the training. I actually have training in WordPerfect. There's good reason that Microsoft Word took over. It's much easier to use, and it is more malleable... meaning that you can do far more with it.

Be careful with Open Office, there is malware attached. You will need to remove the malware/adware after Open Office is installed.

Thank you for the advice. I'm feeling a little better today.

[mjr]

I work in the hotel industry. 13 years in every department except accounting and maintenance, and everything from Front Desk, to Housekeeping, Sales, and even as an Assistant General Manager. I even have experience in Revenue Management, though I hesitate to call myself a Revenue Manager as I don't know the forms of reporting and much of the analysis they use.

Hmmm...Then you've seen how hotels are run from various perspectives. I look at this as a HUGE advantage to you. You could do "hotel management" consulting. It's seriously about how you market and sell yourself. Check out the books I suggested earlier.

What if you did a series of videos on the topic, and put them on YouTube? I mean, I'm sure you have good ideas as far as improvements in the areas you mentioned above. Maybe you could build a reputation that way.

I'm a college trained administrative assistant.

This tells me that you're probably very organized, or have tips for being very organized. You could utilize that, too.

Thank you for the advice. I'm feeling a little better today.

Happy to help.

[Sapphire Silk]

Consulting might be a good way to stay in your industry, but it will take some preparation to get yourself launched. I suggest reading some good books on how to start a consulting business before putting yourself out there, and avoid the ones from the motivational speaker types.

It might help if you network with someone who is an consultant and get some ideas on how to get started. You might not make very much right away until you get established. I've been doing legal nurse consulting for about five or six years now, and only made a profit for the first time last year.

For your own mental health you need to do something different. You're not ready to open a B&B yet. Start small, work your way up.

Even consider a complete career change. Start fresh. Retail does not seem to be the place for you right now. Have you considered going back to school? If you have a degree, perhaps you could teach part time in hospitality?

[EricKei]

Virtual hugs here, too >_< Hell, I'd buy you a beer and a po-boy if I was still living in the area.

As you mentioned earlier, in the GNO area, and especially in the city proper, it's all about who you know and/or whom you are related to; ditto being "local" or being related to someone who is (marriage counts!). Sadly, to this day, one of the most damning things anyone can say about another person in that town is "He ain't from around here"...

You may want to look into the suburbs such as Metairie. For a BnB idea or something similar, or even for HRT employment once you're ready (Take as much time as you need! It'll help), you may wish to look into the more reputable hotels along the corridor near Williams & I-10, or others near the airport (avoid Airline Highway for obvious reasons). Are there folks from the prior hotels who might be willing to give you non-targeted recommendation letters, perhaps?

I'll have to look up the malware issues with OpenOffice, thanks for the heads-up! I've not experienced any such issues, but now I know ~_~

[Moirae]

I've thought about a career change but I'm not exactly a kid anymore. I spent 13 years in this industry, and I do love it. I just don't like the complete bullshit that's going along with it since I moved here. I've never seen anything like it. Never before have I lived somewhere where the owners of the business were so reluctant to actually perform repairs and upgrades to a hotel, or where they hire completely incompetent people and nothing but incompetent people as managers, or where the owners are completely batshit crazy. I mean, it's always been a bit of an issue but nothing like this. All three of these things have applied to every single job I've worked since moving to the US.

Job 1 - Holes in walls aren't being fixed and the debris is left sitting on the floor, elevators broken for YEARS, the owners siphoning so much money to fund their luxury cruises, several cars and houses that they don't have enough money to pay the staff during tough times and the place goes under. Heck, one of the owners was caught sleeping with the company secretary and all of the other owners had a blow up during a meeting, fired her and bought him out in less than two hours.

Job 2 - The actual owners stop bothering to run anything and leave it to their incompetent daughter who rules with an iron fist sending people to the hospital from the stress under her and adjusting peoples time cards to avoid paying overtime so often that they are investigated 3 times by the federal government in the 9 months that I'm working there. They are so reluctant to spend money on anything that one of the actual owners, rather than buying a sign that says "Parking", grabs a red sharpie and writes "ING" after the word "Park" because he didn't want to spend the money on a new sign. And that there is a huge leak over the ballroom that they refuse to fix so they just keep replacing the ceiling tiles every month or two.

Job 3 - The owner refuses to repair ANYTHING unless it is so damaged (like when the hotel had a fire that brought down three rooms) that he can't use it otherwise. He refuses to spray for termites so at certain times a year, some rooms are overrun with them and his philosophy is "sell them anyway". The walls are paper thin, and the breakers pop every day because not a single room can handle having a hair dryer, the AC, and the tv on at the same time. And holy hell what if you plug in a vacuum cleaner while someone is using all three? The whole section will go out. Not counting blatant favoritism towards certain staff members that don't deserve it, know they are being favored and can do anything they want, while everyone else covers their lazy behinds and gets repeatedly shit on by the owner and told how useless they are.

Job 4 - Lasts one month while an idiot girl is treated like she's gold even though she obviously doesn't know what she's doing and blames the new girl for her mistakes. Yet its allowed because the GM likes her.

This is insane.

Virtual hugs here, too >_< Hell, I'd buy you a beer and a po-boy if I was still living in the area.

As you mentioned earlier, in the GNO area, and especially in the city proper, it's all about who you know and/or whom you are related to; ditto being "local" or being related to someone who is (marriage counts!). Sadly, to this day, one of the most damning things anyone can say about another person in that town is "He ain't from around here"...

You may want to look into the suburbs such as Metairie. For a BnB idea or something similar, or even for HRT employment once you're ready (Take as much time as you need! It'll help), you may wish to look into the more reputable hotels along the corridor near Williams & I-10, or others near the airport (avoid Airline Highway for obvious reasons). Are there folks from the prior hotels who might be willing to give you non-targeted recommendation letters, perhaps?

I'll have to look up the malware issues with OpenOffice, thanks for the heads-up! I've not experienced any such issues, but now I know ~_~

Thanks Eric. I completely forgot that you know the city so well.

I've been looking everywhere for years. I even live in Slidell so I've been trying to find something here. It's been surprisingly difficult to find something that isn't front desk. I could do front desk in my sleep, including front office manager. The problem with that is that every front desk that I know of means you have to stand for 8 hours and will be paid maybe $10 an hour if you're lucky. I can't stand for 8 hours due to the damage to my leg. After 13 years, I should be making more.

I have three recommendation letters from previous employers. One of them is actually from an important person in the city. It's meant very little so far.




I'm still having trouble even looking at jobs. I just feel like I have no energy at all. Hey, at least I haven't cried today yet. An improvement over every day this past week.

[EricKei]

I'll put out some feelers. Maybe one of my buddies back home will know of a place looking for someone