Cynicism in my life...

[mjr]

As I've gotten older, I've noticed I'm getting to be much more of a cynic than I used to be. When I was younger I had some self-esteem issues, and maybe this stems from that (as I still have some occasional esteem issues).

If you look at the dictionary.com definition of "Cynical":

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cynical

There's a few of those definitions that I read that I say, "Yep, I do that."

Sometimes, it's more like definition #1 of "Cynic":

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cynic

"a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view."

And while that's not entirely how I feel, I do think I have a "healthy distrust" of the population in general, and that certain aspects of cynicism have done well for me.

It's allowed me to be somewhat aware of Machiavellian techniques (such as Machiavellian Intelligence, and Machiavellianism in the Workplace)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machiavellianism

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machia...n_intelligence

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machia..._the_workplace

I'm not saying I'm good at it, just that I can be somewhat more aware of it. I mean, if I distrust most people (by motive -- see definition), then I'm more guarded.

I'm not saying it's good, and I'm not sure I want cynicism to take over my entire life, but it's suited me well to this point. And it seems to gradually become more and more pervasive in my "daily" life. Honestly, there are very few people in my life I trust completely at this point, aside from myself (and sometimes I wonder about that, too). My wife, my kiddo, Two of my friends, God, and Jesus. Most of my co-workers I don't even completely trust, and some I even distrust.

I look at it this way: If I look at things from a cynical perspective, when something good and/or positive happens, it's a pleasant surprise. Otherwise, it's more like "Was anyone really surprised by that?"

For instance, think about the common stereotype of politicians lying (work with me here). When a politician lies, some people are surprised. My perspective is, "A politician lied. Are we really surprised?"

Thoughts?

[dalesys]

..."A politician lied. Are we really surprised?" ...

It reminds me of Cheryl Wheeler's Handy House Quarterly Newsletter "#3 Discovered!"

[Kittish]

I fall squarely into that definition you quoted about being convinced that the only reason people do anything is for selfish reasons. I've also come to realize that selfish does NOT equal bad. I do a heck of a lot of stuff that other people like a heck of a lot out of purely selfish motivations. It makes ME feel good to have done something perceived as nice. Horrible, right?

The problem, as I see it, is that people keep trying to fool themselves and others into believing that there really are such things as altruism and gratitude. These are simply different skins being stretched over various flavors of selfishness, and the attempt to convince ourselves otherwise leads to resentment and bitterness. If you do something 'altruistic' and expect people to be 'grateful', they're going to wind up resenting you trying to dictate what they should be feeling. If you do something simply to please yourself, then it doesn't MATTER what their reaction is, so you don't expect anything from them.

[mjr]

I've also come to realize that selfish does NOT equal bad.

Due partially to my upbringing, I had a difficult time coming to this realization.

When I was brought up, especially as I got older, I was accused of being "selfish" if I didn't do what others wanted. Sometimes this would include giving money to others.

The problem, as I see it, is that people keep trying to fool themselves and others into believing that there really are such things as altruism and gratitude.

I could definitely buy the argument that "altruism" and "gratitude" are rooted in selfishness. "I'm altruistic because it makes me feel good." That's absolutely true.

If you do something 'altruistic' and expect people to be 'grateful', they're going to wind up resenting you trying to dictate what they should be feeling.

I understand this point, but if I do something "altruistic", and the recepient of my altruism does not appear to be "grateful" for my altruism, I should have no qualms about NOT being altruistic next time. Right? That "feeling good" thing is a two-way street.

It's also the same thing with "personal beliefs". I am wholeheartedly convinced that people have certain beliefs ingrained in them (upbringing or whatever), but some CHANGE their beliefs, and often times they change their beliefs because it makes them "feel good" about holding those beliefs.

And I think that happens with everyone.