Sorry to be a bother

[Mytical]

Well, it is finally happening. I think the people taking care of me are getting tired of doing so. Everything is such a bother to them. Oh you have a doctors appointment..woe is me ... how ever will we get you there. Your legs won't let you walk? Oh .. woe is me.. how ever will we get you to <wherever>. They don't want to drive me anymore, don't want to deal with my illness..don't want to deal with me in general. Just a worthless waste of space and time. Can't really blame them, everything they said is true. They have taken care of this garbage for 5 years, working on 6.. it would get old to anybody. Surely the space and resources I am taking up could be put to some better use. Not worth the time or bother.

[Teysa]

*hugs*

You are very much not a bother. Your words of encouragement and kindness to others on this forum alone makes your life worthwhile. I would be willing to bet that you're just as nice in person too. If others can't see it, that's their loss.

[Kanalah]

*hugs* You are an awesome person. I'm sorry if they can't see that. I know it's a pain in the butt to struggle with health issues and if I lived closer I'd help you out. I know lots of people here would.

[Sliceanddice]

Hun, I think you may want to talk to your doctor about seeing a therapist and your insurance about transportation to appointments (most I know about have it). Chronic diseases and conditions can cause depression which it kinda sounds like you might be having.

*hugs* You are not a waste.

[Rapscallion]

Stay with us, would you? I've put up more Site News posts on grim topics than anyone should have to. You're valued.

Rapscallion

[Nunavut Pants]

Amen to that!

My mother is no longer independently mobile. We are working out what different insurance and public programs will cover. It's difficult, because she lives way up in the foothills around here.

It can be a pain in the ass dealing with her needs, but both my wife and I would be utter wrecks if she disappeared or decided she didn't need us any more. It gets frustrating (especially since she was the sole provider for us for so many years!) but that's frustration with the situation, and not with her.

I'm pretty sure it's the same way in your case--it's the situation that sucks, not you as a person.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Those people have no business being caretakers of anything, not even a pet rock.

No person is, or should ever be made to feel like a bother.

[MoonCat]

Those people have no business being caretakers of anything, not even a pet rock.

No person is, or should ever be made to feel like a bother.

THIS ^^^

You are one of the reasons I stayed on this site. You bring immeasurable value to the world. Please, talk to your health care peeps about getting other help! Okay? {{hugs}}

[darkroxas45]

*puts you in a wheelchair at the top of a dry water slide and hops on the back as it goes down* you're not a bother to us

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs Mytical*

I have gotten this so much. You are not a bother. Never ever.

Love you lots, good sir. <3

[Mytical]

Got a ride to my thursday appointment. Thanks all for the words of support. I get overwhelmed sometimes, though I try to keep a positive outlook. I've found myself getting easily irritated also.. think the medicine is messing with my emotions. Normally I am the most patient, most giving person I can be.. but lately it seems I easily get so upset. Between 'friends' who I have to fight for scraps of their time, constant running about, and being so tired.. I let things get to me that normally just slide off my back. Not an excuse though. I should be better then I am.

[Teysa]

Even dragons have rough days sometimes. We're here to help you get through them. Needing help is not a sign of weakness. Neither is needing to vent.

[Seshat]

Mytical, my illness is getting worse, not better, and thus I keep feeling like I'm a bother - and destined to be more and more of a bother - to Bast and Toth.

I hate it. I constantly consider suicide to make their lives easier, make space in the world for someone more useful.

And then Bast says how important I am to her life; and how much I help her stay relatively sane. (She has schizoaffective disorder, with mania, depression, hallucinations and paranoia, as well as other symptoms.)
Toth tells me how much it matters to him that I'm around. One of my council carers mentions that when she sees I'm on her list for the day, it lets her know she'll have a good day.

By being the person I am, by listening to those who need to be listened to, trying to metaphorically dance in the rain, I apparently make peoples' lives better.

Do get as much help as you can from agencies like your government and local charities or semi-charities: this will ease the burden on your friends.
Toth has been burned out for a long time, but we're arranging for respite care and other sources of assistance; these are helping reduce the load on him. But even burned out, he's wanted both Bast and I in his life and sharing his home.

I am certain that there are people in your life, in your physical vicinity, who feel the same as Toth and Bast do. Who want you there, no matter how much care you need.

[Mytical]

I had an .. incident last night. I didn't remember my own name, my birthday.. what year it was. I was so confused as to where I was, or what was happening.. but the doctors.. they found nothing. No reason why this happened. I was so confused I thought my legs were not responding..but wondered why my arm was moving.. I was trying to move my legs by moving my arms.. for some reason...

[RootedPhoenix]

*hugs Mytical*

<3