Things I am not allowed to do at work.

[Delphae]

I am not allowed to make the cashiers call me "All Powerful One" when paging me over the intercom.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

-"Bitchy McOntherag" is not an appropriate nickname for the girl in pharmacy
-Even though it's freakin' TRUE!
-Must never again refer to a co-worker's pants as being "not so much high-waisted as rising low on the nipples"
-Especially not when said co-worker just came up the stairs to the offices
-Even though it's freakin' TRUE!
-And made everybody in the breakroom die of laughter, especially because co-worker never figured out I was talking about him
-Must not recruit people to assist me in following stinky people around holding up funnoodles (to simulate cartoon stink-lines)

[Becks]

- not allowed to hang the poster for Clerks in the ice machine room

Well, that's no fun.

Why not?

[auntiem]

Because the poster says "We may have to serve you, but we don't have to like you". A board member saw it and thought that it sent out the wrong message, because what if a customer saw it? Nevermind that if a customer was in that room, they would have had to go thru a locked door, past the people working at the counter, thru a small storeroom to get to the ice machine room.

[lordlundar]

-not allowed to question my supervisor's sanity.
-even if he's crazier than I am.

(Oh yes, I forgot to mention, this one is real. We were discussing bad movies and Tom Cruise's behavior came up and I said "Yeah, the way he's acting makes you look sane." My Ops manager agrees with me too!)

[Becks]

Because the poster says "We may have to serve you, but we don't have to like you". A board member saw it and thought that it sent out the wrong message, because what if a customer saw it? Nevermind that if a customer was in that room, they would have had to go thru a locked door, past the people working at the counter, thru a small storeroom to get to the ice machine room.

Ah. I see. That sucks. Of course, the customer just MIGHT have a damn good reason to be back there, you know. (Yeah, I know...)

As a customer, I would LOVE to see a Clerks poster in a work setting. That means my kind of people work there.

[detroitmotorcity]

My office has speakers throughout playing music softly throughout the day... Well a select few in my area hate the music playing, so they requested the speakers be disabled by our cubes...

I enjoyed the music and made it known... but they didn't care. The music would help me drown out all the chatter going on around me so I could focus and do work!

Well someone told me why don't I just wear headphones... so guess what? I started wearing headphones...

Next thing I know one day I'm there working hard with my headphones on and one of the ladies who wanted the speaker disabled comes darting around my cube door yelling at me... Apparently she feels I should not be wearing headphones since she can't tell over the walls to talk to me... I guess she was trying to get my attention hollaring over the walls and I was unable to hear her...

So now I can't wear headphones... and I can't listen to the office music... Bundle of joy this group is...

[Luna]

Detroitmotor...If I were you - I'd just sing as loud as I could. Maybe they'll let you have the music back then. LOL.


What I can't do at work?
*slap the obnoxious soccer moms botoxed heads silly
*eat bad children

[NoodleBoy]

I could write about this forever.

1. Not allowed to tell an obese customer who orders a large diet soda to go with their meal consisting of enough food to feed 3 people that their diet isn't working.

2. Not allowed to cackle maniacally when a customer tells a lame joke and expects you to laugh. Unless there's no one in the store, they're in the drive-thru and your mic isn't on.

4. Not allowed to take food that's been brought back because, well, it just didn't look right or there are chives on it and GOD KNOWS some little green circle things are going to ruin your entire day and fling it so hard into the reject bin that you hear a satisfying crunch and it makes the customer jump. Unless your manager isn't looking and you totally know you can take this whiny prick in a fight.

5. Not allowed to tell a customer that they "would suck" if they were going to try to abuse the 40 coupons for 2 free chalupas, one visit only coupons.

6. Not allowed to tell a customer in the drive-thru that you don't know where the soft drinks are on the menu they're looking at because it's 40 feet away and facing away from you, and "Right on the menu" is not an answer when they ask.

7. Not allowed to tell a customer they're not funny when they tell you a racist joke because they think that as a member of the same race you'll be ok with it and think they're cool. Wait, actually, you are allowed to, next time it happens forget everything you've been ordered to think at this job about how customers are holy and you should actually be blowing them instead of just doing your job and tell them they're not eating at this store today and please get the fuck off our property.

8. Seriously, the guy wearing the torn-up Britney Spears concert t-shirt is just way too cool for anyone to make fun of, and because I wish I had rocks his size none of my co-workers are allowed to make fun of him.

9. Not allowed to wonder aloud why there's suddenly a weird rotten egg smell permeating throughout the store, or ask the manager if a natural gas line might be broken, even though everyone else smells it.

10. Not allowed to make smiley face patterns in the personal pan pizzas we're making you make.

11. Not allowed to keep breadsticks that are at least 5 times older than we're allowed to keep and keep switching out the time stap thingy just in case you get a huge asshole of a customer who orders breadsticks.

12. Not allowed to wonder aloud who these kids blew to get a place like the one they live in, and what chemicals they drank underneath the sink to let their backyard go to complete and utter shit in less than 6 months.

13. Not allowed to rewire the muzak after the inside of store closes to play underground death/thrash metal, unless everyone in the store knows that the guy everyone hates can't stand anything except for hip-hop and it's fun to watch him squirm.

[lordlundar]

9. Not allowed to wonder aloud why there's suddenly a weird rotten egg smell permeating throughout the store, or ask the manager if a natural gas line might be broken, even though everyone else smells it.

I agree to this one. It's probably better to save yourself and bolt out the door.

[Rapscallion]

When a group of potential recruits come around on a group stage interview (being shown the company at work), I am not to leave inpirational messages on my document holder in sales (especially today's of "I am chained to the desk in this phone bank. Please call the police.")

Rapscallion

[Aldous]

Do the drive-thru in German (I was able to do the fron counter in German when I got a german speaking couple, it was awesome, and we had a good laugh at my feeble attempts to speak their language, they said I did okay)

Tell customers "Good Luck" after they start pulling away at the Drive-Thru (Even though the manager found this funny as hell)

Scare the little children. (Not me, co-worker on his way out of the store)

Make customers laugh so hard they spill their drink.

Quote George Carlin

Tell jokes over the Headset to the other people when they are taking orders up front (Even my managers were guilty of this one, we can't help it sometimes)

When the Church Group comes in start doing a ritual involving the tiny french fries, the biggest onion ring ever, and the insane guy in the back, calling forth the "Gods of Heart Attacks, and Colly-ster-all!!!"

Try to convert the workers in the back to join a cult that worships the bird that nests in the sign. (It was 9 in the morning, I just drank 6 coffees with 20 packets of sugar a piece. I was a little high on it)

[Tithera]

When trying to find new people to work, am not allowed to call up guy I like just because "I want to see that fine ass in his tight black pants" everytime i come to work.

Even if the cooks think he's hot as well.

And would love a "change of scenery" as well.

When calling a potential employee, do not use the phrase "get your fat lazy ass up here and get this damn job before K calls stacy!" as your hello.

Do not answer the phone by saying "Hello, hell operater, let me transfer you're call" and stick phone near radio where rob zomie is blarring.

Even if it was the boss and found it entertaining and thoughtful.

Not allowed to say, yes we deliver, even though we have no way of doing, just so we could get rid of said person who asked.

Even if they were a douche.

And the cooks found it genius.

[Broomjockey]

When trying to find new people to work, am not allowed to call up guy I like just because "I want to see that fine ass in his tight black pants" everytime i come to work.

Even if the cooks think he's hot as well.

And would love a "change of scenery" as well.

Why not? I had a pseudo-manager who was allowed to interview people hire girls based on mostly their looks. Probably half the girls he hired quit within a month. The rest not even that.

Anyways, Broomjockey's "Not allowed to do at work" Residence edition:

*Deactivate co-worker's prox cards so they can't get into the building or use the elevators.

*Schedule a wake-up call at 8 for my co-worker who finished work at 6.

*Inform summer guests that we are a STUDENT RESIDENCE for 2/3rds of the year, and therefore having carpeted rooms with a TV would be supremely stupid. People stay here because it's cheap and convenient.

*Call the RA because someone didn't say hi to me on their way past...

*Call the RA at 3 in the morning because I'm lonely...

*In fact, I'm not allowed to call the RA anymore at all, my co-worker now has to.

*Not allowed to take yesterday's papers and burn them in the abandoned lot next door.

[cinema guy]

*Schedule a wake-up call at 8 for my co-worker who finished work at 6.

If anyone did that to me, that would be a death penalty offence.