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  #841  
Old 02-09-2011, 03:13 PM
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Ghel Ghel is offline
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I am not allowed to think, only to do what I am told. Even if what I am told is contrary to federal regulations and sound business practices.
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  #842  
Old 02-10-2011, 03:55 AM
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Kristev Kristev is offline
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Have any sign of self-respect or self-definition.
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  #843  
Old 02-11-2011, 01:34 PM
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crazylegs crazylegs is offline
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I'm not allowed to suggest to the boss that he gets out and uses a bike...
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  #844  
Old 02-17-2011, 12:39 PM
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fireheart fireheart is offline
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Even though it is epic and funny, I am not allowed to recite the Old Spice commercial at work.
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  #845  
Old 02-20-2011, 11:18 AM
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Mytical Mytical is offline
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Use the word Patrol. That is hint at, let anybody know that, or otherwise mention the word at all. When somebody asks me what I am doing walking around..I guess I am supposed to say "I can't answer that."

Reply "I am doing great, how are you today?!" when asked how I am. No..seriously..I was told this.

Let my vehicle warm up to do my vehicle patrol, frost on windows or not.
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  #846  
Old 02-27-2011, 08:24 AM
geek007 geek007 is offline
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Throw a party celebrating my lying sack of shit arrogant as all hell dumber then a box of rocks inconsiderate slut puppy former AGM's termination and not invite my vulcan awesome GM.

Welcome my amazing new AGM who's downright awesome and has everyone worshipping the ground she walks on with a vodka and hot tub party.
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  #847  
Old 02-27-2011, 12:26 PM
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lobo94 lobo94 is offline
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Practice black magic.
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  #848  
Old 02-28-2011, 12:55 AM
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DGoddessChardonnay DGoddessChardonnay is offline
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Not allowed to close the store down early, herd all the customers out, and sneak in booze and wild men to celebrate the demotion of a detested store manager.

Speaking of that store manager, I guess I'm not allowed to lock HIM into a store - by himself - that's not opened yet while it's still dark out with NO keys or alarm codes, much less the phone number for the corporate department that handles the store alarms.
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  #849  
Old 03-04-2011, 01:02 PM
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fireheart fireheart is offline
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I am not allowed to:

-have the Easter Bunny Of Doom(*) on my register to annoy coworkers.
-to go UP to coworkers with said bunny and go "HUG ME" in a deep growly voice.
-to rip out the speaker unit in the back of said bunny and rig it up so that it starts singing whenever someone walks past.
-to throw it into the baler.
-Set it on fire.

(*) We just got some plush Easter Bunnies in stock. These ones however, SING. As for the voice, picture Justin Bieber as if he was 2 years old. Now make his voice about five times higher and that is the Easter Bunny of Doom. The song is irritating.
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  #850  
Old 04-05-2011, 03:09 AM
redleg redleg is offline
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i am not allowed to use work computers to find sources for parts and upgrades for my death ray as it scares my boss
i am not allowed to call my subordinates "minions"
i am not allowed to mention my nemesis
i am not allowed to use the work computers to find a source for kryptonite
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