...resulting in epic fail. >.>
Yes, I've been a bit quiet this week. It's been kinda quiet at work ( The weather here has been rather miserable so even the morons are hunkering down a bit. ).
But of course no amount of adverse weather conditions can stop the truly determined amongst them....
867 - Euthanasia
Me: "Good evening, <company>"
SC: "Can you erase my name?"
Me: "……pardon?"
SC: "Uh…erase my name."
Me: "……erase your name?"
SC: "Cancel my name."
….the what now? I'm not entirely sure what you're asking of me. Did you want to change your name? Burn your driver's license? Or is this some sort of weird plea for death? Much as I would like to help with the 3rd option I'm afraid the distance is too great and I dare not set foot across the border to Nunavut for fear doing so would somehow mentally strike me down to your level by way of whatever terrible affliction/virus/cruel trick of genetics/slathering boogie monster it is that haunts the frigid wastes and preys upon your minds.
A Clue, Sherlock
Me: "Are you in Canada or the US?"
SC: "Eh?"
Me: "Nevermind."
Well, that answers that.
Farkwit Relay
Me: "and your last name?"
SC: <to the background> "Hey how do you spell his last name?"
SC2: <another voice in the background to someone else in the background> "Hey how do you spell your last name?"
SC3: <2nd voice in the background> "C-L-I-V-E."
SC2: <1st voice in the background> "C-L-I-V-E."
SC: "It's C-L-I-V-E"
Me: "…thank you."
….um….for be it for me to break up this bizarre little fund raising relay for the paint huffing inclined but wouldn't it be easier to just GIVE the phone to the dumbass placing the order? What exactly is the problem here? Does the phone not reach to the couch so you have to set up little monkey relay posts through out your trailer to relay my inquiries to his majesty the Walrus King?
Does the Walrus King consider me somehow beneath him and thus declined to speak with me? Or is Project Runway on and he can't bare to tear himself away from the TV for fear he might miss a few precious seconds? Are the commercial breaks not long enough for the two of you to kick open the trailer door, hook him up to the jeep winch outside and drag his cheese stained carcass across the floor to the phone?
I fear I must petition the King for answers.
Concern
Me: "Good evening, Gravekeeper speaking. How may I help you?"
SC: "Hi!"
Me: "Hello"
SC: "Are you ok?!!?"
Me: "…um"
…I think so. Wait, lets see….2 arms, 2 legs, boy bits intact, I can still move my toes….yes, yes I am. Thank you for asking.
Email Orders
( We process a few clients by email as well... )
Alicia Brown does not want to order any tickets but made use of the credit card field in her email to inform us to "bite her". Thank you, Alicia.
Cleared For Landing
There was a guy on the corner from Granville Station that apparently was trying to flag down low flying aircraft. I'm not entirely sure…I thought he was flagging down a cab at first. But when I got up to the corner there were no cabs anywhere in sight….indeed there was no oncoming traffic at all. But he was quite insistent there was something and only his finely honed skills could guide it into the docking bay.
867
SC: "Ok, do I have time to explain myself?"
Oh boy! Story time!
SC: "I'm disabled so-"
Is this relevant to the plot or are you playing the sympathy card? Make sure you tap 3 White Mana.
SC: "Is there any way I can get it and just like pay $20 a month for a few months?"
Sympathy card it is. Also, no. That's a $170 Timex. If $20 is the height of disposal income you can generate per month perhaps you should be exploring alternative means of keeping track of time. There are some nice digital models you can get that are within your price range and all they require is turning the crank on a vending machine.
SC: "Ok, well I'll get that one for myself….and the one two watches down. How much is that watch with tax?"
So you can't afford the $170 Timex so you're going for the $725 Timex as well? Far be it for me to comment but considering the rate of disposal income you revealed previously I must, on behalf of <company>, implore you to make a cheaper selection. If we were to accept the questionable deal you're proposing there's a good chance your natural life would expire before we collected the full sum.
I'm sure we can find you a nice hat here for under $20……ah ha! Yes, yes we do. A $19 camo stretch cap. Oh oh, and it comes in the fabulously popular pink camo style you monkey beasts all seem to like. You'll be the envy of all your friends or pack mates or whatever it is you have.
Plausible Explanation
SC: "Do you know why the Pickering office isn't picking up?"
Hmmm, no. However, if I applied my vast knowledge of movies and video games to come up with a possible conclusion then I would have to say zombies. Yes whenever you can't get a hold of someone or the line is mysteriously cut off its usually somehow related to the undead. Well, ok, *maybe* werewolves. But that’s more a European thing.
867
Me: "and the item number?"
SC: "xxxx-xx" ( Skin tight tube top )
Me: "Ok, what size?"
SC: "2XL."
Me: ".....and what colour?"
SC: "Pink Camo"
Me: "...ok, anything else?"
SC: "xxxx-xx" ( Miniskirt )
Me: ".....what size?"
SC: "2XL"
Me: "..and what colour?"
SC: "Pink Camo."
Getting a head start on your Waddling Blight on the Landscape costume for Halloween are you? Would you like to go for a matching hat as well or are you just going to shave your head and paint it like a Baboon's ass?
Um, no
Caller" "Let me give you the number to my pocket phone."
I….don't think I want that. Please put it back in your pants.
Epic Fail
So as I was riding the Skytrain home the other day a girl got on and promptly sat down beside me. Thus setting off the alarm bells in my head because there were plenty of empty seats. She was also fantastically too close. Sitting on my coat and leaning into me close ( This will become important momentarily ). I don't need snuggles from a total stranger at 7:30am, thank you. The following conversation ensued:
"Excuse me, is my face bleeding?"
( I turn to look. I assume this was an attempt to use feminine charms as there was nothing wrong with her face at all aside from affixing me with batting eyelashes and puppy dog eyes )
"No."
"I just got beat up really bad."
( Suure....and you don't have a scratch on you, aren't visibly hurt and this somehow occured at one of the busiest Skytrain stations in front of 4 security cameras and 2 cops. Then you came to me first? Mmkay. )
"Ok."
"......"
"......"
I assume she was fishing for sympathy but my blunt uncaring reply derailed the scheme. Seeing her fail she promptly got up, moved one seat up, sat down next to the person in front of me and repeated the act.
Knowing she was up to something I immediately checked my left jacket pocket. The one she was sitting on. It was empty. She'd just swiped my Skytrain pass. I assume to attempt to scalp it outside one of the stations ( You see people do this now and then. Then try to get passes off people then resell them. Considering the fine if you get caught doing this it'd be safer to just ask for change. )
Problem is I keep my current pass in one pocket and my expired pass from the previous night in the other to make sure I don't get them mixed up.
Guess which you she just swiped?
Yep, the one that had expired about 11 hours ago.
So I said not a word.
( The person in front of me shut her down instantly too. Considering he overheard the entire exchange with me. You'd think you'd at least move to someone that wasn't in ear shot. =p )
Thus ends day, uh...3 and 4 from last week and 1 and 2 from this week. ;p
Wherein I am pickpocketed.....
Don't send the 867ers after me!
Linear Mode
