"I don't have time for you!"
I work for a company that has a form of membership, this membership is open to anyone, costs only one english pound to join, and you can actually earn that back and more with a cashback scheme involved in our shops. There's also special rates for certain services and so on. All the details of our members are held in one place, our national membership department, however we have membership departments around the country that cover member events in that area, so its easy to get the two mixed up and a few people do. These people I have no problem with, I point them in the right direction and they thank me, but every now and then I get something like this. This is one that happened just today.
C: Whiny bitch.
JF: (usual opening blather)
C: Hi, I'd like to register a change of address please
JF: Unfortunately we can't do that here, we don't hold any personal information of any of our members
(deathly silence, for about four minutes)
C: Yes I'm here, I'm waiting for you to tell me where I need to go
(by this time alarm bells were ringing)
JF: Well if you want to change your contact details, you need to ring the national membership department, the telephone number is on the back of your card, or I can give it to you now
C: you mean the 0845 number?
JF: That's correct ma'am
C: I'm sorry but I have to pay for this service
JF: Its a freephone number with most telephone services ma'am (since my number is freephone, people sometimes assume that all our numbers are freephone then get shocked then they aren't)
C: no, you know nothing. I have to pay to ring this number. I get 0800 calls free, I get (she goes on for about three minutes about all the calls she gets free,but not 0845 calls, eventually she moves on and says how appalling it is that she has to actually pay in order to get a service from someone)
JF: well, if you prefer ma'am they have an e-mail address or I have a postal address here if you care to submit a written request
C: (Huffs for about thirty seconds) I do not have access to the internet and I don't have time to sit around writing letters to you
(bearing in mind that this call was made at about three in the afternoon, I doubt she was ringing from work unless they're very lax about phone use there, and if they were, then why not just ring our national department and let your company take the bill? I assume she has spare time)
JF: Well ma'am those are the three options.
C: This is absurd! you want me to pay you for changing my own address!
JF: Ma'am if your phone company charges you for calls to what is usually a freephone number then that company will get 100% of what you pay them, we get nothing
C: no, you know nothing, stop trying to trick me!
JF: Ma'am if it helps I can jot down your request and forward it to the department and have them contact you
C: what? no, I'm not giving you my contact details!
This goes on for about 15 minutes before she finally gives up.
From what I was able to gather, she wanted the following:
To give me her new address, without giving away any contact details
To use a private service without having to pay
To not have to write letters despite apparantely having the time to whine at me for close to half an hour
Lady, I don't often say this, but please please please please fall in a hole somewhere.
A deep hole.