A letter to the cocktards on our cleaning crew:

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Dear Ever-So-Wonderful Cleaning Contractor People:

Thanks ever so much for telling us you were going to come in this week to strip and wax the salesfloor, and then not showing up last night.

Because we expected you to be in last night, we scheduled somebody to work overnight, as per company policy. He was only here half an hour last night, but still has to be paid for his full 8-hour shift at overnight shift premium rate. It was the easiest 8 hours he's ever been paid for in his life.

But don't feel you need to rush in to make up what you missed out on doing last night. Judging by the job you guys did of waxing the floors in the offices and the breakroom, it's probably best that we leave the salesfloor looking fairly dull. After you guys got done, walking into the offices was like walking into an acid trip. I guess that's what happens when you don't bother to strip off the old wax first and just slop the new wax all around.

You should consider yourselves extra thankful that a corporate bean counter who's probably never set foot into one of our stores to see the groaty, dingy, dirty condition it's in is fighting so hard to justify his bonus and his key to the executive washroom by keeping you guys around.

Much sunshine and rainbows and unicorns and gumdrops,
Your Pal Irv

PS- Take a fucking shower. I can't be the only person who finds irony in the fact that the guy responsible for cleaning our store smells like a combination of rancid fish, acrid cigarette smoke and ass sweat.

[CancelMyService]

You should be lucky they don't over wax the floor until it has the same sheen as a hockey rink and you're doing "Irv's Store On Ice"

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Believe me, we usually end up doing the Wax Capades for a couple days after they've finished a section.

Only we don't have skimpy revealing figure skating outfits, but generally that's a good thing.

The floor in the offices and the breakroom, which is so wavy and streaky, still is a bit slick.

[myswtghst]

Just be grateful you can breathe. They waxed or did something to the hallways at my work the other night, and I got a headache in the 2 minute walk out after work. Super stinky.

[JLRodgers]

Oh you should find yourselves lucky! At one place I worked at they did an excellent job waxing the floors! OF course they waxed over paper, hair, debris, (we had paper and hair under the wax). They even waxed over one person's "plastic floor protector" thing for chairs (yep, they put the wax on top of it.

They waxed over network cables, waxed trashcans to the floor. Cubical walls were stuck in the wax as well. And in a few parts? About a quarter inch dropoff from where they didn't wax everything. The manager noticed it when she took a head dive towards the floor after tripping over it (they put it by the door). We had to put a rubber mat down to prevent accidents.

So you guys were lucky!

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Been there, done that. Somehow one time the waxers got wax all over the backroom floor.

Big boxed furniture items were sticking to the floor. Made carryouts a baffling ordeal.

And yes, that stuff STIINNNKKKKKKSSSSSS. Like somebody dumped over a 50-gallon drum of nail polish remover or something.

[powerboy]

Oh you should find yourselves lucky! At one place I worked at they did an excellent job waxing the floors! OF course they waxed over paper, hair, debris, (we had paper and hair under the wax).

Once at OfficeMax, we had a Cleaning crew come in to Wax. Well, they were told to wait for about 10 minutes so that we can sweep up and pick up papers & what not. Well they didn't wait. They started in on the opposite side of the building. Where we have not cleaned yet. What fun we had, when the SM came in and saw it. He called up that company and fired them.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Guess what boys and girls? They didn't show up again last night!

They want to come in tonight, but there will be nobody to work third shift, so they can't. When (or maybe more appropriately, if) they want to finish the job, they'll have to do it next week.

Their excuse was that we had a truck last night, but that's never stopped them in the past,

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

And now, another rant about the guy who "cleans" the store every day.

For one thing, we can't do our stocking on the floor without him trying to ram the floor scrubber up our asses. We'll be trying to work in a certain section and cleaning guy will be there along with us, trying to scrub the floors.

We tell him to go someplace else; he just does a big circle and a minute later he's back and I end up spouting a floor scrubber tail.

Today the floor in the laundry detergent aisle was all sticky from something evidently being spilled there; it was like pulling teeth to tell him to go over and scrub THAT aisle instead of the aisles where we all were trying to work.

Yesterday while answering the call of nature, I found a couple dried-out lumps of shit glued to a toilet stall wall and a poop-water sodden piece of TP bonded to the toilet seat. When I answered another call of nature after cleaning guy left for the day, the shit and the TP were still there.

At least I didn't have to clean it. That job went to CBFH/Numbnuts.

[Aethian]

Oye, makes me glad that we have two cleaning guys and they work really well with us. They will even post when they want to strip our concrete floors to get up all the dirt, ink, and stuff they will remind us the day off and will even offer to help get our mats and cart items up to make sure they can get everywhere. Do such a nice job too...

[Boochan]

My mother is a cleaner (independent, does private jobs) and I always find it hard to compare any Commercial Cleaners jobs to what she does. The only bitch I have regarding cleaning is the fact we have a window cleaning guy, and we've never, ever seen him or any people working for him actually cleaning our windows.. though the exterior windows are clean, so we don't question him on it. Could be doing a much better job on the interior windows though.

Regardless, It disturbs me that some of the bigger stores in our chain don't even have cleaners, so they're a perpetual, smelly, dirty mess. Doesn't bode well for the reputation of the brand. We don't have any cleaning staff, mainly because we have very minor duties in regards to cleaning (Vacuum, occasional glass polish, dusting).

[Broomjockey]

I could tell some stories about the cleaning staff contracted for my college's residence. But I won't. I will say they're on par with Irv's, though different acts take place (since one's a store, and the other's a residence )

[Kogarashi]

We had a lady who cleaned our floor of the freshman dorms at University who would regularly spritz the strongest chemicals she could find into the sinks (these same chemicals cleaned the toilet bowls) and wash the sinks out, but then yell at any girls who came in to brush their teeth or wash their dishes afterward because it was "dangerous." Despite her having rinsed out all of the chemicals she shouldn't have spritzed in there in the first place. Believe me, I know. Roomie and I both worked very similar custodial jobs on campus and knew which chemicals were for what.

'Course, that doesn't compare in my opinion to the maintenance guy at the singles' apartment who liked to think the residents were responsible for every bit of damage that occurred. One leg on our couch get squashed in mysteriously? We must've dropped heavy stuff on it repeatedly. My cheapo plastic-and-metal chair collapse under me one night while sitting at the table? I must've been jumping on it. Yes, jumping on a cheapo plastic chair I didn't even feel brave enough to stand on.

And management at that place.... The ceiling in the hallway right above the mailboxes sprung a leak one winter. They left a garbage can to catch the drip for the next month before they started to fix it. The floor of our shower was stained grey due to extreme age, yet despite the number of times management lady came to check our apartment for cleaning inspections, she always seemed to think it was new and a little elbow grease and Ajax would get it right out. Until, of course, she tried scrubbing it herself and realized it was permanent. But the next inspection would be a Wash Rinse Repeat (literally). And one of the complex vaccuums was so old that the cord, already fraying, sparked and flew away from the plug still stuck in the wall when I tried to use it to clean up our room. I wouldn't touch the complex vaccuums for two months after that.

/threadjack

[B&NGoddess]

our cleaning crew is about as bad. they renewed their contract with us, and apparently they no longer feel the need to take out the garbage. they leave it in a big leaking open mess in the receiving area for the employees to deal with. fine, dont take the garbage out, but could you at least tie the bags shut so when we throw it into the dumpster it doesnt all fall out? is that too much to ask?

ive also noticed that the people who clean our windows reek to low hell. you have a bucket of soapy water. splash some on yourself for the love of god.

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

Evidently the store manager told the manager of our cleaning service that they have to start burnishing the floors every day. We got a brand new burnisher in last year and it's hardly ever been used.

So guess what the cleaning guy does now? First thing when he comes in (usually 5-10 minutes late, requiring somebody to wait for him so we don't have to turn the alarm on, then off, then on again when he finally shows up) he grabs the burnisher and goes around the store with it, grinding all the dirt from boxes and people's feet into the tile. They he gets the floor scrubber and scrubs the floor, leaving all kinds of streaks behind. Then maybe he dust-mops.

In other words, he's got the entire floor care regimen bass ackwards.

After that, he'll collect all the garbage and leave it sitting in shopping carts by the trash compactor, even though we unlock and open it for him. Sometimes he'll even clean the bathrooms and vacuum the carpets. He starts at 5 am and is always out the door by 9.

Oh, but get this! The corporate suits say we're the only store in the company who seems to have trouble with the cleaning service! If I were the store manager, I'd insist on a plausible lie.