Okay...I posted these on my blog. It recieved a luke warm response, and hardly anyone was willing to contribute. However, we're all here to bitch about those whiny little people that call themselves customers. Feel free to post any I forgot. One that I'm thinking about is...The back room is not a special part of the store, where we hide 'extras.'
Laws that Should be Passed:
Law ..1:Anyone who can't read a fucking sign will be sent to remedial reading classes...
When there is a sign that says 'NO Checks,' Guess what that means? This is a serious problem at the fuel center, this lady said she wouldn't go there anymore b/c there was no sign posted. There is a sticker on every pump and right next to the door, I guess we expect too much when we expect the customer to read.
Law ..2: If I tell you I can't accept something, then that's what I mean. If you follow it up with a 'Are you kidding/joking?' I get to hit you with a sack full of quarters. What do you expect me to say,'Yeah I was just kidding, it's a joke we like to play on people with checks we don't accept.'
Law ..3: Any price dispute less than a dollars means you have you wear a sign that says 'Cheap Retard' anytime you visit the store and I get to hit you with a sack full of quarters.
I had a guy dispute me over 12 cents...12 fucking cents.
Law ..4: Any bad jokes means I get to hit you with a sack of quarters and you are no longer allowed to speak to store employees. Example: "Did you find everything today sir?"
"I think I found too much, har, har!"
Law ..5: Going in to the Express lane with more than the allowed amount, or writing a check in the express lane means that the other customers and the cashier get's to throw rotten tomatoes at you. It's better than throwing them away.
Law ..6: Announcing the managers name does not invoke fear in to me, so don't do it. Pretending that you and the manager "Go way back" when in fact he only knows you because you whine every shopping visit, means I get to beat you with a sack full of nickels.
Law #7: If you ignore your screaming annoying child, I'll ignore you. See ignoring the problem doesn't get us anywhere. I refuse to check out your groceries until you get that little monster quiet. There's a difference between a little baby crying and a child who does it just because.
Law #8: Rarely the customer is right. So that little saying that you amazingly remember, while not remembering that the one day sale is one day only, really does not apply anymore. I can only think of two occasions when the customer was truely correct.
Law ..9: Complaining in order to get an item free, or if the scanner doesn't work so you assume out loud that the item is free, means that you will have to wear the "Cheap Retard" sign any time that you come to my work place. Plus you will be charged for items that are usually free. Such as parking per hour, and shopping cart rental.
Law #10: Walking up does not mean that I'm ready to wait on you. So don't open up your yapper until I acknowledge you with a "May I help you." Suprisingly there are things i have to do, and you aren't the center of the universe despite what you might think. In this moment the judgement of whether or not you get a refund/stamp/lotto ticket/ or pay your electric bill is entirely up to me. So guess who is the center of the universe now bitch? Failure to wait until you're acknowledge means I get to be as shitty as I want, and can give you numerous dirty looks. I can't get in trouble for how I look at you...HAHA!
Law #11: Just because you're old doesn't mean that you are any more special than any one else. If you're going to be shitty then I have the right to tell you that you are doing nothing more than wasting social security that could be left for me. I love my grandma to death and i have never seen her give crap to any cashier unlike the elderly people that shop at my workplace. That's not to say that she doesn't talk trash when she walks away, she is related to me and all...lol.
Leave others as you see fit.