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  #11  
Old 07-09-2006, 06:57 PM
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MystyGlyttyr MystyGlyttyr is offline
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(Officially, I don't condone violence. ...unofficially, however...)

1. If you don't watch your child and they throw themselves down the two flights of stairs that are right next to my desk, I am allowed to laugh.

2. Any comments about the dead plant on the obit girl's (MY) desk means I get to add you to my "dead stuff" collection. Protests that you aren't dead yet will be quickly rectified.

3. If you ask me a stupid question about nothing to do with obits, the newspaper, or the universe as science understands it, and I stare at you with a look of utter confusion on my face, and you start to get huffy, I can pick up my Route 44 size Dr Pepper and pour it on you. And then you will buy me a new one AND mop the carpet.

4. If I answer the phone "Newsroom" and the first words out of your mouth are "Is this the newsroom?" I am allowed to put a trace on your line and have your phone shut off for a week.

5. For my coworkers...if you leave food on my desk overnight, for whatever bizarre reason, and I come in the next morning and there are fireants all over my desk, I am allowed to make you lick them up.
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  #12  
Old 07-09-2006, 07:26 PM
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Quote:
Quoth AmericanZero8503
Law ..4: Any bad jokes means I get to hit you with a sack of quarters and you are no longer allowed to speak to store employees. Example: "Did you find everything today sir?"
"I think I found too much, har, har!"
Don't forget the ever so popular lines 'The item didn't scan, it must be free!', & 'you look bored, let me give you something to do!'
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Thanks for responses
  #13  
Old 07-09-2006, 07:56 PM
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Holy crap, I could I forget the popular...you look bored, let me give you something to do. I'm doing fine getting paid to stare off in to space...LEAVE ME ALONE...lol.

I wasn't condoning violence, I was just giving punishment where it's due.
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  #14  
Old 07-09-2006, 08:12 PM
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Law ..5: Going in to the Express lane with more than the allowed amount, or writing a check in the express lane means that the other customers and the cashier get's to throw rotten tomatoes at you. It's better than throwing them away.

I suggest, as an alternative that they take a page from NASCAR's penalties for speeding on pit road and go to the end of the longest line.

  #15  
Old 07-09-2006, 08:15 PM
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Lace Neil Singer Lace Neil Singer is offline
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Same here. ^_^

I will add this one:

Law 6. Any children that misbehave in any way, will be taken to the child cage that is situated in the basement. Misbehaviour, for the ignorant among you, is any of the following: screaming/shouting for fun; grabbing merchandise; handling merchandise; climbing shelves; breaking things. Also, if your child is annoying anyway, the crime of "existing" will be written on the sticker that will be placed accross your child's gob before it is taken to the child cage. Before you can leave the store, you must claim your brat from the cage; to do this you must fill out a long form and pay for any damage, including emotional damage, that your demon spawn has caused; thus ensuring that you take steps to control the brat next time you visit our store.
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  #16  
Old 07-09-2006, 08:28 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Lace Neil Singer
Law 6. Any children that misbehave in any way, will be taken to the child cage that is situated in the basement...
...Also, if your child is annoying anyway, the crime of "existing" will be written on the sticker that will be placed accross your child's gob before it is taken to the child cage....
Why take it out on the child who obviously was not raised to know better?

Wouldn't it be more effective to just put the parents in the cage and subject them to parenting lessons and skills assessments, until they can prove they are fit to resume the care and handling of a child?

Honestly, the anger towards innocent, although misbehaving children these days really irks me.
Yeah, they're misbehaving, but if they weren't taught any differently, how is it their fault?
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Last edited by Ree; 07-09-2006 at 08:32 PM.

  #17  
Old 07-09-2006, 09:52 PM
Imogene Imogene is offline
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Where your money is set, if I have my hand out for it, and you ignore my hand, is where your change is going. Simple.

Do NOT ask for my movie recommendations, and then tell me I suck because of them, and insult me by buying a Pauly Shore movie. Pauly Shore could never live up to Jim Carrey in Liar Liar.

Any time you come into my store, and you ask me for a video game, and I point out we aren't a video game store, and the next words out of your mouth are "Game Stop told me..." I swear, you will get belted across the face. Game Stop did NOT tell you to come down the fifty feet or whatever to the movie store to buy a game that hasn't even hit a release date, No, we've never sold video games, and you're far too old to be making that mistake.
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  #18  
Old 07-09-2006, 10:37 PM
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I have a few from the big ticket items we have.

1) NO, we do not negotiate prices. It's fantastic that the store down the street will give you $500 off "the exact same piece." The reason you came here and not there is...

2) If you get mad at me when I point out they charge a thousand more than we do in the first place, I get to take a leg off of the nearest available table and beat you with it.

3) If you STILL want to haggle on an $800 living room set after we've already addressed points 1 and 2, I get to bend you over the chair and do something infinately more painful with said table leg.

4) "ALL DAY DELIVERY" MEANS "ALL DAY DELIVERY." Do not bitch and moan the day before we deliver it that it NEEDS to be before noon because you forgot you had a delivery and scheduled a social event to go to.

5) Yes, we charge for delivery. If you walk and go pay someone else even more money because they offer free delivery, it's not my problem. Did you honestly think with gas prices the way they are that a company is truly offering "free" delivery? No, they make up the cost somewhere. Say, like charging an extra $1000.

6) If I pitch you the protection plan against stains and damages and you don't want to get it, and you call back a week after getting the furniture wanting us to clean a stain, then don't scream and cuss at me when I tell you there's nothing we can do. You are not entitled to anyhing beyond defects for your warranty, it is not included in anything. When you go to the car dealership and buy a new car, it comes with a warranty. The warranty does NOT cover dings and scratches you happen to contribute.

7) I am the lowest rung on the ladder. All I can do is forward information up the food chain and have them get back to you. I am a salesman. I do not deal with the delivery people. I do not deal with the warranty people. I have no authority to authorize anything that you feel you are entitled to, such as waiving the delivery fee or redelivery fee because we showed up when you were out at the Starbucks.

8) If my manager or one of his bosses shuts you down, or god forbid, you take an issue as far as the president of the company and HE says no, why the hell do you think calling ME to scream can do anything about it? Yes sir, I'm really the president of the company in disguise. I sit back and watch everything kindof as a spy. I rarely use my godlike powers to help, but in this case, I'll overturn our complete puppet organization and management just so YOU can be happy.

9) KEEP YOUR DAMNED KIDS UNDER CONTROL. We have items here worth thousands of dollars and if your child breaks something, you WILL be responsible for paying it.

10) If I politely ask your child to get off of the glass coffee table, and when he does it again, I ask you to keep your child under control and you yell at me how it isn't my job to raise your kid, I get to take my favorite table leg and beat you in certain areas of your body until you are unable to reproduce.

11) If I have several groups of people in the store, and I ask you if you have any intention of buying today after we've talked for awhile and found something you liked, contrary to what you believe, you do not have a right to get pissed off if I drop you and DO help the person who is ready to buy. We run a business, and I work on commission. If you're not ready to buy, then I'm going to help the person who is.

Probably going to add to this.
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Last edited by gbm85; 07-10-2006 at 01:51 AM. Reason: Offensive language will not be tolerated

  #19  
Old 07-09-2006, 10:52 PM
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Quote:
Quoth Ree
Why take it out on the child who obviously was not raised to know better?

Wouldn't it be more effective to just put the parents in the cage and subject them to parenting lessons and skills assessments, until they can prove they are fit to resume the care and handling of a child?

Honestly, the anger towards innocent, although misbehaving children these days really irks me.
Yeah, they're misbehaving, but if they weren't taught any differently, how is it their fault?
I just don't like children. And some of them really are devil spawn; however, I agree with forced parenting lessons for the parents who are rubbish parents.
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  #20  
Old 07-10-2006, 02:01 AM
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We've been down this road before.
Apparently, we need a road map.

Terms like "crotch dropping," etc. are disgusting. Say child or even brat but refrain from the nastiness.

You were all children once. It's highly likely that when you were you annoyed someone- perhaps by your mere existance.

Those of us who are parents would like some for ourselves and our children.
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