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Animals in the Bible.
Old 04-02-2008, 12:58 AM
LibraryLady LibraryLady is offline
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Default Animals in the Bible.

Greetings to all. I've been reading for a long time but this is my first attempt at a major post. I hope it will meet the standards set by Grave Keeper, Rapscallion, Jester, Slice and Dice, Irving Patrick and many others in this wonderful place.

[Cue Twilight-Zone Music and the voice of Rod Serling]

Presented for your consideration, 'Animals in the Bible'. It's an innocent, even an endearing title for a post, isn't it? Read on, dear friends and you will learn how 'Animals in the Bible' became the code word for an SC in our Library.

[Organ Sting]

I'm a Librarian in a museum library. We have wonderful collections in many fields of art history. One of our finest collections concerns the history, art and culture of the ancient Holy Land. Therefore, we were quite happy when, many years ago, we received a phone call from a teacher of Bible Studies.

This worthy gentleman wanted to provide a holiday treat for his students in the form of a slide show about 'Animals in the Bible'. In the days before digital imaging he'd certainly come to the right place. We had plenty of images he could shoot. We had plenty of texts he could use to write his narration. We even had a professional copy stand to make sure his slides were properly framed, in focus and lighted. This project might also be fun to help. When did he want to visit the Library and do his work?

[Cue eerie SC logic music]

He had no intention of coming to the Library. Our institution receives government money. He pays taxes. Ergo, it is our obligation (OBLIGATION. I TELL YOU!) to provide him with a professional slide show with several levels of narration. We were to provide a full Kodak carousel of slides that he could keep. The carousel was also something we'd give him so he didn't have to worry about loading and unloading slides.

We'd also provide appropriate narration for different levels of students. He needed four levels:

1) Young children.

2) Middle School age students.

3) High School students.

4) A College/Adult audience.

Of course, all this would be provided at no cost to him.

I didn't take the call but, I can assure you that language was used that would not have been acceptable in a class devoted to Bible Study.

Old 04-02-2008, 01:37 AM
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bainsidhe bainsidhe is offline
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Jolly good post, I dare say. And yeesh, whatta twit.

Old 04-02-2008, 01:41 AM
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myswtghst myswtghst is offline
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Props on a fantastic first post. Dramatic, entertaining, and chock full of SC nonsense. Glad to have you.
"In the end I was the mean girl/or somebody's in between girl"~Neko Case

“You don't need many words if you already know what you're talking about.” ~William Stafford

Old 04-02-2008, 01:43 AM
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Spiffy McMoron Spiffy McMoron is offline
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Quoth LibraryLady View Post
I didn't take the call but, I can assure you that language was used that would not have been acceptable in a class devoted to Bible Study.
Bwah hahahaha!

Awesome. I wonder if he phones road construction crews to take him to work every day?
I pray for the strength to change what I can, the inability to change what I can't, and the incapacity to tell the difference -Calvin, Calvin & Hobbes

Being a pessimist and cynical wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't right so often!

Old 04-02-2008, 01:56 AM
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Trayol Trayol is offline
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Well done, good sir. Jolly good x2. Keep up the good work at the library. bI'm very surprised the SCs can enter without having their skulls explode from being in the prensence of so much knowledge. That's probably why the "gentleman" couldn't come in.
"Oh, by the way..." All of my HATE

Ou kata nomon = Not according to the accepted norm

Old 04-02-2008, 02:04 AM
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Aramika Aramika is offline
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Quoth LibraryLady View Post
Ergo, it is our obligation (OBLIGATION. I TELL YOU!) to provide him with a professional slide show with several levels of narration.
What?!? you don't do projects for the public? Who's gonna do my Spanish project then?

Seriously, why the heck did he think a library would do that for him? Some people......


Old 04-02-2008, 02:05 AM
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Irving Patrick Freleigh Irving Patrick Freleigh is offline
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Now that takes a big clanking pair right there.

Welcome BTW. Keep 'em coming like that and we'll be talking about you the way you talk about us.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

Wisconsin, immoral fairyland of anarchy and excessive consumption of dairy products and alcohol--DPRK News Service

Old 04-02-2008, 02:15 AM
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Becks Becks is offline
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Wow. What an entitlement whore.
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oh dear, now they're masquerading as sane-KiaKat
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RIP, mo bhrionglóid

Old 04-02-2008, 06:15 AM
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Sliceanddice Sliceanddice is offline
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first- How the HELL did i earn a mention? I am barely articulate, cant spell, post a fraction of my good storys cause i cant mentilese the story well, and most of the storys i post reflect rather poorly on me. Im just weird!!!
Second- wow... how do they... live?

Old 04-02-2008, 06:44 AM
edible_hat edible_hat is offline
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Radelaide.
Posts: 2,154

The first slide is a picture of the guy who demanded you do the project. The four narrations are:

1) This is a douchebag, it goes "I want I want I want".

2) Hey kids, let's all point and laugh at the lazy moron!

3) Here's why you shouldn't try to get other students to do your work for you: They make stuff like this slideshow, which is supposed to be about animals in the Bible but is really about this guy and why he sucks.

4) Seriously, this idiot wanted someone else to do his work for him for free.
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