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The Mystery of the $4 pie!!!!!
Dumb old woman: Asshat
Me: Still answering the phone...willingly. (I'm actually waiting for Apple Pie Without the Apples Lady to call back...)
Me: Hello, this is <company> how may I help you?
Asshat: Do you have pie?
Me: Yes....(I know I'm in trouble when a conversation starts like this)
Asshat: What about that $4 pie?
Me: *puzzled* A $4 pie? We don't have a $4 pie...ever.
Asshat: WELL, *gets huffy* there's a sign on your window.
Me: A sign?
Asshat: Yes, a sign that says you have pie for $4!!! It's facing <street>! I can see it when I drive by!!
Me: Um...no. We have a sign on the window, but it sure isn't for a $4 pie. I think it's actually for a breakfast special we have this month.
Asshat: Well, you don't know what you're talking about!
Me: Um....I know that we don't have any pie that costs $4. That's wishful thinking, actually. And I know we have a breakfast special that costs around that amount...that we happen to be advertising everywhere.
Asshat: *gets angrier* Don't you have a pie on sale? For $5.99 or something?
Me: Nope. You must be thinking of our old pie sales. This month we just have <pie> for $6.49.
Asshat: I want one. $6.49? You sure it isn't $4?
Me: I'm positive it is NOT $4.
Asshat: I want <pie> for tomorrow.
Me: Can I get a name please?
Asshat: Why do you need a name? I just want a pie tomorrow. Make sure there is one there.
Me: Um, in order to make sure you have one, I'm filling out an order form for you. That way you can defenately get your pie. *mentally adding: Get your pie, and get LOST!*
Asshat: Oh! Well, it's Pissy Pie Woman.
Me: Can I get a phone number for you too?
Asshat: You don't need my phone number! It's for Pissy Pie Lady, who works at <company>!!!!!
Me: Um, okay?
Asshat: *rudely* Do you still want that number?
Me: *thinking: Do you still want that pie?* No, that's okay.
Asshat: Well, I'm coming to get it TOMORROW!
Me: Lovely. Well, it should be ready by then.
Asshat: It better!!!
Me: I can't control when the pies are made, but you have an order, so it should be ready sometime tomorrow. Good bye.
Asshat: We -
Me: *hangs up*
Oh how I love the open ended threat of "it better!!!"
*MOD EDIT - We don't usually joke about food tampering.
Dumb old woman: Asshat
Me: Still answering the phone...willingly. (I'm actually waiting for Apple Pie Without the Apples Lady to call back...)
Me: Hello, this is <company> how may I help you?
Asshat: Do you have pie?
Me: Yes....(I know I'm in trouble when a conversation starts like this)
Asshat: What about that $4 pie?
Me: *puzzled* A $4 pie? We don't have a $4 pie...ever.
Asshat: WELL, *gets huffy* there's a sign on your window.
Me: A sign?
Asshat: Yes, a sign that says you have pie for $4!!! It's facing <street>! I can see it when I drive by!!
Me: Um...no. We have a sign on the window, but it sure isn't for a $4 pie. I think it's actually for a breakfast special we have this month.
Asshat: Well, you don't know what you're talking about!
Me: Um....I know that we don't have any pie that costs $4. That's wishful thinking, actually. And I know we have a breakfast special that costs around that amount...that we happen to be advertising everywhere.
Asshat: *gets angrier* Don't you have a pie on sale? For $5.99 or something?
Me: Nope. You must be thinking of our old pie sales. This month we just have <pie> for $6.49.
Asshat: I want one. $6.49? You sure it isn't $4?
Me: I'm positive it is NOT $4.
Asshat: I want <pie> for tomorrow.
Me: Can I get a name please?
Asshat: Why do you need a name? I just want a pie tomorrow. Make sure there is one there.
Me: Um, in order to make sure you have one, I'm filling out an order form for you. That way you can defenately get your pie. *mentally adding: Get your pie, and get LOST!*
Asshat: Oh! Well, it's Pissy Pie Woman.
Me: Can I get a phone number for you too?
Asshat: You don't need my phone number! It's for Pissy Pie Lady, who works at <company>!!!!!
Me: Um, okay?
Asshat: *rudely* Do you still want that number?
Me: *thinking: Do you still want that pie?* No, that's okay.
Asshat: Well, I'm coming to get it TOMORROW!
Me: Lovely. Well, it should be ready by then.
Asshat: It better!!!
Me: I can't control when the pies are made, but you have an order, so it should be ready sometime tomorrow. Good bye.
Asshat: We -
Me: *hangs up*
Oh how I love the open ended threat of "it better!!!"
*MOD EDIT - We don't usually joke about food tampering.
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