why am I such a pariah?<whiny/ranty-no need to read>

BlaqueKatt · #1 04-07-2008, 01:56 AM

ok I've heard the old "to have a friend, be a friend" so many times it makes me sick.

I help my co-workers with their backlog of work(from goofing off), then they get mad because I make quota and they don't. I loan them gas money, food money, and lately they've been asking to borrow "party money". I've never been invited anywhere by anyone, even when "everyone's invited" I never find out until after whatever event. I'm used as a "go between" to alert others of changes in plan for things I'm not invited to. And frankly I'm getting extremely depressed. I texted two "friends" recently and got the response "who is this/do I know you?" And anytime I invite anyone out to do something fun, I always get "stood up" with the excuse of "I didn't feel like going out"-only to discover later when I overhear someone talking about "hey wasn't that last-minute thing I called about great?"-that they went out after I called to see if they were coming. I've had nobody at my last 4 birthday parties-just me and my husband(at least 20 people invited to each one-no one showed or called-but they all said they'd be there). I've even offered to cover people when they say they can't afford it. If you don't want to go just freakin' tell me-it'll hurt alot less in the long run. I even tried to get a D&D group going, but everyone either plays WoW, or would rather make a 90 mile round trip to go to coworker X's house because they have a 47 inch Plasma TV, and he's such a great GM(he gets all "his" campaigns off the internet-steals them from other GMs and actually uses campaigns straight out of the "knights of the dinner table" comic book.

What the hell is wrong with me? I'm 32 and have absolutely no friends. right now the depression from this is bad enough that I've cried myself to sleep for the last three days-and I'm crying now as I write. My husband has great co-workers, classmates from school, and friends from his former boy scout troop-I have no one. I've never really had any friends but it's just starting to get to me again, when I get to hear everyone else's plans and how great their weekend was-it really hurts. what hurts even more is watching everyone on break chatting happily and whenever I even take a step toward any group of people they either "close ranks" or decide it's time to go in. In the last 3 weeks at work during a 40 hour week, I've spoken 3 whole sentences-I'm tired of being hurt and rejected, while someone that openly admits to everyone that he uses people for whatever they have that he wants/needs then casts them aside once he gets it, goes out with a large group of friends 3-4 times a week, and actually turs down people several times a week because he has so many invites to stuff(um hello he admitted to your face he was only hanging out with you because you drive him everywhere and buy him stuff). The only person that's called me in the last 6 months is my mother-she calls three times a day-it's annoying, but it's the only contact I have with anyone anymore-everyone else has shut me out for some reason that I don't know or understand. I've directly asked and told I'm imagining it. Well gee so I'm imagining your little group get-togethers every weekend that I'm never invited to, and imagining when I ask if anything's going on and the answer is no-then on monday you're all taking about what a great time you all had together.

I'll get over it I suppose-I always do-but I just had to get this out, I tried talking to my husband, and he got upset because "saying you have no friends is insulting to me-I'm your friend"-sorry I need more than one.

If anyone does read this for the love of all that is holy do not suggest counciling-if 14 years of it didn't help-it won't help period.

Evil Queen · #2 04-07-2008, 02:08 AM

I agree; counciling won't help. But that's just because you don't need help. You need a friend that's new and improved and has different stories to tell them your co-workers and dear hubby can provide.

What you ultimately need is a friend that will respect you and not ignore you like your fellow wo-irkers. You're stuck in a rut and you need to go out and have fun and maybe find a friend? I know if I was living near you I wouldn't mind a meet up at a coffee shop every now and again for tea and cake. (I'm currently boycotting coffee... don't ask) I currently have few friends myself as they are all in other states.

But the internet is your friend, my dear, and our fellow CSers -- I'm sure -- would like to think that you're their friend too.

Hey, I like you.

Becks · #3 04-07-2008, 02:15 AM

Blaque, *hugs*.

I like you.

If I were in WI, I'd hang out with you.

Bella_Vixen · #4 04-07-2008, 02:16 AM

Blaque, I feel your pain.

I go to work. I come home. That's it.

I really do have friends, but we never hang out. K just wants me to babysit, R just wants to sleep with me, and J works 1st shift, while I work 2nd, so it's tough to find a day that's good for the both of us to hang out. L has a husband that she doesn't get to see much of, what with his job and her two, so it's understandable that she'd want to spend time with him.

Every time I make plans with people, whether it be my birthday, or a Toys show, I give everyone major advanced warning, offer to pay, etc. They all say they'll be there...and no one shows up, or even calls.

And for what it's worth, I agree with EQ and consider everyone here my friend.

::hugs::

RayvenQ · #5 04-07-2008, 02:23 AM

Quote:

Quoth Evil Queen

I agree; counciling won't help. But that's just because you don't need help. You need a friend that's new and improved and has different stories to tell them your co-workers and dear hubby can provide.

What you ultimately need is a friend that will respect you and not ignore you like your fellow wo-irkers. You're stuck in a rut and you need to go out and have fun and maybe find a friend? I know if I was living near you I wouldn't mind a meet up at a coffee shop every now and again for tea and cake. (I'm currently boycotting coffee... don't ask) I currently have few friends myself as they are all in other states.

But the internet is your friend, my dear, and our fellow CSers -- I'm sure -- would like to think that you're their friend too.

Hey, I like you.

Well, by the sounds of it, she needs a friend who is...well...what I'd call a proper friend, you know, like one who acts like a friend.

Evil Queen · #6 04-07-2008, 02:25 AM

Quote:

Quoth RayvenQ

Well, by the sounds of it, she needs a friend who is...well...what I'd call a proper friend, you know, like one who acts like a friend.

Not a "Fair Weather" friend, right.

RayvenQ · #7 04-07-2008, 02:26 AM

Quote:

Quoth Evil Queen

Not a "Fair Weather" friend, right.

I mean someone who won't betray or lie to you, will meet you on time and generally fun people to be with.

Pity I don't have any friends but I'm not really a people person (groups bigger than 3 make me a bit edgy)

RetailWorkhorse · #8 04-07-2008, 02:31 AM

Quote:

Quoth Evil Queen

(I'm currently boycotting coffee... don't ask)

I'M ASKING I'M ASKING!

*Hugs to Blaque*

Horsie like kitty!

blas · #9 04-07-2008, 02:35 AM

BlaqueKatt, you have a spare room you said? I do too......if you don't mind a more rural, smaller area of WI, I say come on over. You would never have to buy me anything or loan me any money.

Evil Queen · #10 04-07-2008, 02:46 AM

Quote:

Quoth RayvenQ

I mean someone who won't betray or lie to you, will meet you on time and generally fun people to be with.

Pity I don't have any friends but I'm not really a people person (groups bigger than 3 make me a bit edgy)

That's kinda what a Fair Weather friend is.