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Because I think I work good in this format:
Dear Service Desk People:
You still are not following my recent directive to put dates on raincheck furniture items being held for customers. I need either the date you called the person, or the date we can take the item off hold and put it back up for sale.
I found 4 items today that were being held, but the only information they had on them were the person's name, the item's SKU and the item's backstock location.
So from now on, whenever I find an item tagged like this, I'm removing the tag and returning the item to stock. So if it sells out before the raincheck holder comes in, you'll get to deal with whatever suckiness they throw your way, because I am sick and tired of sitting on items for weeks on end because people think somebody is coming for them.
Dear Whoever Took The Sofa Off The Top Display Rack AGAIN, Forcing Me To Help Lift It Back Into Place:
You fuckers.
Dear Clearance Swamp Furniture Buyers And Planogram Designers:
Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you're trying to cram too much shit in too little space?
I mean, when we have to stack tables on top of each other, and invest in special racks so that sofas can be displayed one on top of another, and all the planograms for furniture say "Do not waste space by creating wide aisles," doesn't that defeat the point of helping the customer easily imagine how the furniture will look in their home?
What's that, I'm fired you say? I withdraw my question.
Dear Whoever Acknowledged The Truck Friday Night:
Congratulations, you pulled off one of the more astounding feats of stupid I've witnessed lately, and managed to acknowledge Tuesday's truck twice and Friday's truck not at all. As a result, furniture pull tags printed twice for Tuesday's truck and not at all for Friday's truck, and virtually every item in the department had either too many or too few pull tags.
I am amazed this didn't become even more of an issue over the weekend, when it was generally busy except for the snowstorm Sunday afternoon.
Dear Whoever Put Out Furniture Pull Tags From Friday's Truck:
Next time try getting the tags with the correct items. Or else don't try at all.
Dear HBA/Grocery Specialist:
When scanning lows and outs in your department, you managed to scan one of the pseudoephedrine products you use the little cards to purchase, and now you have a request for that item because it's in a location inaccessible to us. Bra-vo. Another amazing feat of stupid.
And here's another: Walking away and telling me "Forget it" when I suggest I can help you clear that pull request out of the system, because after all you did schlep back to the backroom and complain to me about it.
Okay, whatev. We can just let that request carry over to tomorrow and let the morning crew figure out what happened. No problem.
Dear Old Ladies At The Sub Shop:
I couldn't help but notice you two tying up the register, trying to decide whether to get one big party sub or a bunch of different mini subs for some party or whatever. This obviously was a life-and-death decision for you two, and I sympathize. Actually, no I don't. Because while you are retired and living life at leisure, I'm working and have only a 30-minute lunch break.
Just be happy they opened the other register and served me there, or else I might not have been able to fight back the temptation to reach out and knock both your heads together, violently and repeatedly, until you made up your minds. There were two orders that were filled before mine, and you were still at the register deliberating when I left with my food.
Dear Service Desk People:
You still are not following my recent directive to put dates on raincheck furniture items being held for customers. I need either the date you called the person, or the date we can take the item off hold and put it back up for sale.
I found 4 items today that were being held, but the only information they had on them were the person's name, the item's SKU and the item's backstock location.
So from now on, whenever I find an item tagged like this, I'm removing the tag and returning the item to stock. So if it sells out before the raincheck holder comes in, you'll get to deal with whatever suckiness they throw your way, because I am sick and tired of sitting on items for weeks on end because people think somebody is coming for them.
Dear Whoever Took The Sofa Off The Top Display Rack AGAIN, Forcing Me To Help Lift It Back Into Place:
You fuckers.
Dear Clearance Swamp Furniture Buyers And Planogram Designers:
Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe, you're trying to cram too much shit in too little space?
I mean, when we have to stack tables on top of each other, and invest in special racks so that sofas can be displayed one on top of another, and all the planograms for furniture say "Do not waste space by creating wide aisles," doesn't that defeat the point of helping the customer easily imagine how the furniture will look in their home?
What's that, I'm fired you say? I withdraw my question.
Dear Whoever Acknowledged The Truck Friday Night:
Congratulations, you pulled off one of the more astounding feats of stupid I've witnessed lately, and managed to acknowledge Tuesday's truck twice and Friday's truck not at all. As a result, furniture pull tags printed twice for Tuesday's truck and not at all for Friday's truck, and virtually every item in the department had either too many or too few pull tags.
I am amazed this didn't become even more of an issue over the weekend, when it was generally busy except for the snowstorm Sunday afternoon.
Dear Whoever Put Out Furniture Pull Tags From Friday's Truck:
Next time try getting the tags with the correct items. Or else don't try at all.
Dear HBA/Grocery Specialist:
When scanning lows and outs in your department, you managed to scan one of the pseudoephedrine products you use the little cards to purchase, and now you have a request for that item because it's in a location inaccessible to us. Bra-vo. Another amazing feat of stupid.
And here's another: Walking away and telling me "Forget it" when I suggest I can help you clear that pull request out of the system, because after all you did schlep back to the backroom and complain to me about it.
Okay, whatev. We can just let that request carry over to tomorrow and let the morning crew figure out what happened. No problem.
Dear Old Ladies At The Sub Shop:
I couldn't help but notice you two tying up the register, trying to decide whether to get one big party sub or a bunch of different mini subs for some party or whatever. This obviously was a life-and-death decision for you two, and I sympathize. Actually, no I don't. Because while you are retired and living life at leisure, I'm working and have only a 30-minute lunch break.
Just be happy they opened the other register and served me there, or else I might not have been able to fight back the temptation to reach out and knock both your heads together, violently and repeatedly, until you made up your minds. There were two orders that were filled before mine, and you were still at the register deliberating when I left with my food.