I hate my life right now.

[Despina83]

I'm so stressed and pissed off right now. You can see my last thread to see one of the reasons why. The fact that I'm about to be fired from my job. Other reasons:

For over a year I have been dealing with severe sinus headaches, often accompanied by ear and throat pain. The headaches get so bad that my teeth hurt. My ears frequently fill up with fluid, sometimes so bad that I can't hear out of one ear. I have to have tissues with me wherever I go. At work I have to have a pile of napkins at my register. I sleep with a roll of toilet paper because I have to blow/wipe my nose so much. I have tried every single OTC drug available on the market. Even the old stuff that they keep hidden behind the counter. Even the sinus cleanse Neti Pot that everyone swears by. Nothing helps. SOMETIMES if I take a glass of warm water, put salt in it, and sniff some directly up my nose, it relieves the pain for a few minutes. But it's not a particularly a fun thing to, and it doesn't really work anymore.

I went to the doctor and he gave me pills and sprays to try that did NOTHING. He took some sinus X-rays that revealed I had a nasty infection. I was given antibiotics, but the pain persisted. He then tried OTHER antibiotics. Pain persisted. So then I had a cat scan, which cost 400 bucks. That revealed...nothing. It showed that the infection was gone. Apparently the antibiotics cured it. Well then...why have I still been in as much pain as ever? So then the doctor gave me another medication to try which, you guessed it, did nothing.

So here's where I'm at right now. I'm having horrible sinus headaches, and just horrible head pain in general. Over the eyes, in the cheeks, temples, back of the head into the neck and into my teeth, ears, and throat. I have to cough and blow my nose all the time. I'm miserable. But I have nowhere else to turn. I have barely ANY healthcare right now. I can't afford to go back to the doctor to see if there's something else to try or have them run another 400 dollar test.

This problem makes me so miserable and whiny that tonight my dad blew up at me since he's already under a ton of stress (I'll get to that). He called me a "goddamn hypochondriac" and told me that I should just move out if I love being sick so much and want to go to the doctor for "every little thing". He concluded the shouting match by informing me that "life is supposed to be painful, toughen up and deal with it." What a fucking asshole. Most of my problems are caused by stress. One of the reasons I've grown into such a stressed out person? I grew up with HIM yelling at me all the fucking time. No wonder my brother moved to the other side of the country! So basically, me being in excruciating pain annoys and inconvenences my father and he resents it.

So why is my families' healthcare situations so bad? Why is my dad so fucking stressed out? He's a General Motors retiree. Yeah. My dad slaved away at a miserable job that he hated for 30 years because he was promised a pension, great healthcare, etc. When GM goes bankrupt, my dad is going to LOSE his pension and what meager so-called "healthcare" we have right now. And of course, he'll have to find a new job. Which means that we will have to try to sell our house (haha, sell a house in Michigan?) and move. The only bright spot is that our house is paid off. So basically, we can starve to death in our house. So yeah, my dad is stressing the fuck out every day and trying to hold it in and hide it. Then he unleashes it on me when he sees me struggling with my head problem. He can't afford to get me to a doctor, I make minimum wage and I can't afford to get myself to a doctor. So he's resentful and calls me "hypochondriac" who "invents problems". So I have to not only worry about what the hell my parents are going to do in the future, I have to try to deal with my own shit.

So basically I'm in a lot of pain right now and there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it. My family is in a ton of fucking stress because of this pension thing and the healthcare thing. We went from very well off to broke just like THAT. My mom can't even afford to have yearly physicals anymore, which really worries me. My dad needs surgery on his foot but is trying to ignore the problem because he can't afford the doctors' visits. Basically everything's fucked the hell up.

Another stressful point for me right now is that a couple years ago I was diagnosed with pelvic floor disfunction disorder. Which basically means that I am always constipated and I can never empty my bladder. They taught me excercises that cured me, but the problem came back. Now I can't afford to go back. I have to try and do the excercises on my own, but it's extremely difficult to do remember to do them dilligently enough and for long enough. The other night I freaked out and started sobbing because I read that people with this disorder have excruciating pain during sex, so they are unable to have sex. That just hit me like a ton of bricks. Scares the shit out of me. Some 21 year old woman I am. I can't piss, I can't crap, and as likely as not, I can't have sex.

Damn, my head is throbbing while I'm trying to type. Tonight it hurt so bad that I cried. But I'm going to have to just get used to it. Become a masochist and learn to love it. Because the only way I'm getting anywhere near a doctor's office is if I rob a bank or auction off a kidney.

[Amethyst Hunter]

This problem makes me so miserable

I'm probably in a similar boat as you, although (yet) I've not been having pain. But my nose is completely buggered and more often than not, I spend my days sneezing, nose-dripping, and whatnot.

One of the reasons I've grown into such a stressed out person? I grew up with HIM yelling at me all the fucking time. So basically, me being in excruciating pain annoys and inconvenences my father and he resents it.

...is your dad an uncle of mine that I am not aware of? Seriously, this could be MY dad!

I wish I had any helpful offerings other than , but my financial/healthcare situation sucks ass too and I've no idea where to begin to start attempting to fix it. I wish you better luck in the near future.

[Despina83]

Thanks, I appreciate it. I doubt if your dad is my uncle. My uncle...oh God. The guy is unemployed and has three illegitimate kids. He lives with...the mother. They hate each other and scream at each other all the time. He calls her worthless. His second youngest lives with a deadbeat who refuses to work and she has about six kids. She's only like a year older than me. My uncle's youngest is 16 and is a shoplifter. She now has a boyfriend. The other day my dad warned him that he should get her on the pill so that he doesn't have another illigetimate kid on his hands. He totally blew up at my dad and started screaming at him, telling him that he hates his life so much that he just wants to "fucking run away", etc. So now they're not speaking. So I hope that doesn't sound like your dad, lol.

[Amethyst Hunter]

So I hope that doesn't sound like your dad, lol.

No, but it could almost be one of my dad's sisters...! (They're huge drama queens who love to blow up at each other/other relatives when something's put a burr up one of their asses)

[Kiwi]

ok if you have tried every medicine you can readily get your hands on you might need to start looking at the other things in your life. Both my brother and I had very similar ENT (ear nose throat) problems as kids, we still have them now but thankfully they are not as bad.

As you say your problems are mostly with your nose and ears (I have had infections that lasted 7 weeks and only clear after I am given steriods to boost my immune system)


Do you have a food allergy or more importantly food intolerance, I have a reaction to dairy food, citric acid and certain food colourings. No my throat doesn't close, but I still have a reaction. Do you eat a lot of take aways or processed foods?

My brother is has reactions to dust, pet dander and pollens. Do you have old carpet in your house? How often is it vacumned? If you have wooden floors how often are they washed down and swept.

What do you use to wash your clothes in (I have to use a fragrance free detergent)?
Do you drop your clothes on the floor and then wear them again without washing?
What products do you use on yourself (toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, deoderant)?
Do you have a cat or other pets?
Does your house have a garden, it doesnt have to have flowers to make you allergic to something floating in the wind from the garden?

Does anyone in your house smoke? Do you smoke (and not just tobacco?)
If your house is old does it have damp or mold problems?
Do you have forced air? How often does the filter get changed?

Although you do not have medical coverage now, you might get more in the future. You might find a pattern if you start keeping a diary of when the symptoms are worse, what you are last when they act up again, where are you at that time (down to the room in the house or building), what you are wearing.

Keep your own notes of you doctor visits and TAKE THEM WITH YOU, write down the date you went, what the problem was, what was perscribed, did it work? No use giving you the same antibiotic over and over and over if it had no effect. If your doctor tries to hand over the same thing stay firm, say that you have already had that drug X times and each of those times it has not worked.

What are you using to wipe your nose with? Are they sented or bleached?

You might also try and see if any public hospitals near you offer help to those with no or limited medical coverage. It might be a no, but your no worse off for trying.

Now I am not a doctor, I dont play one on TV but... if you are this miserable you need to start fighting this hard. Don't stop until it stops.

As you said most of your problems are caused by stress, this could simply be a physical manifestation of that stress. If you can not afford help at least get rid of the stress as best you can. Look up books on anxiety and stress and how to deal with it.
Get a 20 minute yoga DVD and do it every day as soon as you come home from work to destress physically and to take a mental break.
See if there is a support group for depression or anxiety in your area. Best case senario you feel better. Worst case you are no worse off than you are now.

[Monica]

You did mention starving to death. I would recommend that you sign up for food stamps, if you haven't already. It will help to take a little bit of the burden off of you.

I would also recommend maybe taking a bath a few nights a week. Bring something to listen to music that calms you, and just relax for an hour.