Definitions - Page 2

lordlundar · #11 12-03-2006, 12:59 AM

Thanks Raps!

In-home tech support: Your little kid who you think knows everything about computers that got you into that mess in the first place.

I'm not gonna explain my role in THAT one.

TNT · #12 12-03-2006, 04:13 AM

BOX: (usage: my box ain't workin'.) 1. Modem 2. Router 3. Computer 4. Digital converter 5. Television 6. Video Game system 7. VCR 8. DVD 9. two are more of the previous items in combination 10. any other equipment connected directly or indirectly, intentionally or accidentally, to any other electronic item.

Delacroix · #13 12-04-2006, 04:10 AM

Void Warranty: It's either been 5 years since you bought the thing, or your kid thought that taking a hammer to that gamecube wouldn't break it. Either way, it means no matter how "good" the warranty was, you can't use it.

Seshat · #14 12-04-2006, 09:46 PM

Complies with accessibility guidelines: The main content is done in Flash (or Shockwave, or Buzzword-of-the-week), but the contract the techs have says to make the rest of the site accessible to the disabled.

(Yes, I was on the tech team for that one. We did what we could.)

repsac · #15 12-06-2006, 07:04 PM

Laptop That thing which gets insanely hot and nearly starts a fire that the customer complains about. Typically caused by a large ammount of dust or pubic hair in the fans.

Keyboard An object specifically designed to attact all manner of dirt, dust, and hair. Sometimes used to type.

Stuck Key An error that is directly related to how much cola was spilled on the keyboard. At least you hope it was cola.

ID ten T error Used by tech support to explain that the customer screwed it up himself. Usually tacks on a 50% higher charge to fix.

MadMike · #16 12-06-2006, 07:12 PM

CPU, modem, hard drive -- all different words for the same thing, also sometimes called the "computer."

Computer -- sometimes referred to as a "monitor."

Cup holder -- A really cool tray that pops out of the front of the "hard drive", but often snaps off when you try to put your coffee cup on it. Strangely enough, a CD fits in there perfectly.

rvdammit · #17 12-06-2006, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Quoth MadMike

Cup holder -- A really cool tray that pops out of the front of the "hard drive", but often snaps off when you try to put your coffee cup on it. Strangely enough, a CD fits in there perfectly.

Or one of these http://www.atruereview.com/computer_...lder/index.php

Apallo · #18 12-09-2006, 12:14 AM

Broken- Adj - Usually used to describe a computer/monitor that has been turned off or unplugged. Can also be used to describe an application error.

Email - N - Usually used by parents or older users to describe AOL, or in the olden days CompuServ.

Internet - N - Where the hackers live. Can also be used to describe any ISP out there (AOL, Earthlink etc...)

Plug(s) - N - Refers to any type of connector when associated with computers. This can be a USB cable, LPT Cable, PS/2 Connector and/or Cable etc...

Wire(s) - N - See Plug

Bluetooth - N - The device that allows wireless connections to the Internet

Delacroix · #19 12-13-2006, 07:44 PM

Anger Management- Something very many SCs need. Yannow...just so they don't blame us for any more smashed merchandise.

anode_probe · #20 12-18-2006, 08:02 PM

These come from experience:

Dowha? - a derivative of "what did you say?" most comonly heard in the southern US.

Me - "have you done all of your software updates?"
Customer - "Dowha?"

Picture - another word for window, desktop or display.

Customer - "The Picture is blank!"
Me - "What Picture sir?"
C - "The Picture in the Picture Frame!"
Me - "I'm sorry?"

Shared Cycles - a set of unique traits shared by a computer and it's female user durring a certain point, normally repeating on a 28 day loop.

Customer - "You know how when a couple of women live together, their cycles are the same?"
Me - (pause) "Sure..."
C - "Well the same thing happens with me and my computer."
Me - (silence)
C - "Hello?"

The Board - an interchangable term for LCDs, Mother/Logic Board, RAM, PCI Cards, AGP Graphic cards, or anything that is relatively flat and is found inside an electronic device.

Customer - "I broke the board."
Me - "How so?"
C - "Well I was plugging the little green board into the black slots on the big blue board and the big blue board bent."

Alternatively:

Customer - "There is a big crack on the board and now I can't see anything?"
Me - "Does the computer power on?"
C - "Yeah, it runs and everything but the board is broken so the picture doesn't come up."
Me - "What colour is the board that broke?"
C - "It's the board on the front that puts up the pictrures."
Me - (press mute button) "I swear I'm losing brain cells!"