Everyplace Else (original post by me)

[crewboy]

No matter what type of retail or customer service environment you work in, your customers have most certainly told you about a store called "Everyplace Else". Although no retail worker has ever been able to locate this store, it is evidently a large chain that spans to the far corners of the globe. Customer service workers worldwide despise this store and it's employees because they seem to willingly give in to just about anything the customer wants no matter how outrageous or unreasonable it is.

Among the things I have learned about this mysterious store from my customers:

They would never think of making customers leave the store before they are ready. If you come in five minutes before closing time and want to spend an hour getting your week's supply of groceries, no problem. They employees are glad to wait for you to take as much time as you want. Also, if you show up before the store is open, they will gladly let you in.

You don't need to show any type of identification to write checks. Write checks as often as you want and for as much as you want, they trust you completely. If you bounce a check, no worries. They will let you make small payments for as long as you want and they would never do something so outrageous as make you pay a bad check fee. You can even continue to write more checks at the store if you've already bounced a few. No problem.

They gladly accept returns on any item in the store even if you don't have a receipt. They've even been known to take back items that they don't sell. It doesn't matter if the item has been on sale or is now on clearance. They take you word for it that you bought it when it was still full price and gladly refund you the cash. They will even accept returns on items that are damaged as a result of your negligence.

You never have to wait in long lines at "Everyplace Else", they have a magic portal in the backroom where they can instantly get more employees if the store gets busy.

They always have much lower prices than any other store. They never give rainchecks if they are out of stock on an advertised item, they just let you pick out anything that you want as a substitute..no matter if it's a lot more expensive or not.

They never require you to show ID to purchase alchohol or tobacco. They don't care if anything they are doing is immoral or illegal, as long as it makes you--the customer--happy. They never limit how many of an item you can purchase on sale, you can wipe the shelf clean before anyone else gets a chance to buy some. But remember, if they are out of stock you can pick out anything else you want as a subsititute.

If you don't like any policy at "Everyplace Else" just let them know. They gladly suspend any store policies for you if they are inconvenient or you don't like them. Yesiree, you have carte blanche when you shop at "Everyplace Else". They live to make you happy and always put you ahead of common sense and good business decisions.

[Kogarashi]

It's stuff like this that makes me want to start up my own store and name it Everyplace Else, just so I can not do those things.

[MadMike]

Quoth crewboy

They've even been known to take back items that they don't sell.

The home improvements store where I used to work actually did that quite a few times. I can't even begin to remember how many times I had the following conversation with the people working the returns counter:

"Where did those come from?"

"A customer returnedt them."

"Uh... We don't sell those."

(Deer in headlights look)

Quoth Kogarashi

It's stuff like this that makes me want to start up my own store and name it Everyplace Else, just so I can not do those things.

I like that idea! If only I had the money, and didn't despise people...

[Kogarashi]

Quoth MadMike

The home improvements store where I used to work actually did that quite a few times.

So did the Supercenter I used to work at, at least a few times. Most impressive was the 2-year old broken clearance TV sans receipt that was never ever sold by Wal-Mart. The store took it anyway because the customer threw such a huge fit the manager just wanted to get rid of him (there might even have been a "don't come back" threat in there).

Quoth MadMike

I like that idea! If only I had the money, and didn't despise people...

We should pool resources then and open up a whole chain of them.

Though I'm very much broke right now too.

[AFpheonix]

Don't forget "Somebody", the mysterious coworker that promises the sun and the moon and the moving of the earth to get things done for the customer regardless of the legality, practicality, or possibility of the request. And yet....they can never remember who this "Somebody" looks like. It's as if Somebody is a chameleon or a spectre. I can't seem to find an employee number for this Somebody, Somebody's not on the schedule, but yet he/she comes in, promises stuff, and then gets me yelled at. Somebody needs a slap upside the head.

[powerboy]

"Somebody" is an employee of "EveryWhere Else". They like to come in and pretend they are employees of our current work place, and get the regular employees in trouble. And once the customer thinks they are being lied too, then they would go to "EveryWhere Else". Also "Somebody" cannot be seen on video cameras.