Did I deserve this?

[Jester]

I had a very interesting weekend last weekend. The insanity, debauchery, and wildness were legendary, even for me. All that without any nudity or sex (at least on my part).

But there was one part of the weekend that was just plain weird.

Sunday evening I'm hanging out with Little Red, both of us nursing two day hangovers, both of us struggling through. For some reason I am scrolling through my cell's phonebook, and come across a name that is screaming at me that it should ring a bell...but I can't place it. It was a relatively common name with an uncommon spelling. For the sake of anonymity, let's say the contact read "Sarra (Maryland)." (It didn't. But you get the idea.) I was sitting there wracking my brain trying to figure out who it was and how I knew her. I was sure it was someone I had met while working at The Bar, but I couldn't place it. I should point out that I often find contacts saved into my phone that I can't place, for both guys and girls. But this one really bugged me.

I mentioned it to Little Red, and one of us thought I should text Sarra. So after some thought, I did. I texted: "Hey, I'm sitting here looking at your number in my phone, and while I remember talking to you because of the unique spelling of your name, I am having serious trouble placing you. It's probably because I'm an idiot, but can you help jog my memory? Thanks! [Jester] from [The Bar] in Key West."

A short time later, I received a reply: "Correct...you are an idiot! Do not text me again."

Little Red and I were both stunned. What the hell could I have done to this woman to receive such a stinging rebuke? The worst part to me was I still had no idea who it was. Trying to be polite, I texted: "Um, ok. Sorry to bother you. Won't happen again." And went back to my utter confusion.

And then suddenly it dawned on me. Sarra was Cute Blonde from this thread. The married one who had told me I was a "temptation" just two nights earlier. For some reason, I had thought the contact had been in my phone longer, and that it had bothered me for a while. It hadn't. Actually, the reason I even had her number was because at one point on Friday night, CB had lost her phone, and I had texted the phone pronouncing it missing and that there was a reward for its return, hoping whoever found it would return it.

And as this all dawned on me, I got mad. Really mad. I had done nothing but be a perfect gentleman. I had entertained CB and her friends. I had not made any passes or moves on CB, though I was tempted, and she knew that. (I had told her early in the evening that had she not been married, I would have been hitting on her.) Not even when her friends did everything they could to get us to hook up. Not even when we ditched her friends for a while and just talked, alone, and she told me I was a temptation. That entire time, I was a gentleman, respecting her wishes and her marriage. And helped her look for her phone. And even walked her back to her hotel room at 2 am where I did the only physical thing of the whole night...gave her a friendly hug. And left.

For that I was rewarded for this vicious and bitter text that I (and Little Red) viewed as an attack. I could understand if she had merely agreed with me that I was an idiot, and we had a laugh over it. Or if she had politely requested that I refrain from texting her again, due to her marriage. Or whatever. But she acted, in the words of Little Red, "like a scorned lover." Or as if I had taken advantage of her, say by sleeping with her then blowing her off. Or as if I had made a move on her and not been the gentleman I was. And the more I thought about it, the madder I got.

So I fired off one last text: "I had a brain fart. Just realized who you are. Sorry for being a bit spacey, but ya know what? I was a perfect gentleman the other night, & did not deserve the viciousness of your text. Don't worry...you won't hear from me again."

And that was the last I heard from her.

So, am I nuts? Is Little Red wrong? Did this woman act like a complete bitch towards a guy (me) who absolutely didn't deserve it? Or was she warranted in her actions. I am just looking for some impartial opinions, since I am partial, being me, and Little Red is partial, being my good friend. What do you guys think?

[Andara Bledin]

No, you're not wrong.

That response was massively over the top.

Hell, if she was worried about her husband she could have just reminded you that you helped her find her phone by sending a text to it and requested that you now remove her from your contact list.

But for some reason you will likely never know, she decided to go into full she-beast mode and let you have it for no reason what-so-ever.

Of course, it's vaguely (not likely, but still) possible that she doesn't remember that night at all and her "girlfriends" gave her some tall tale...

Yeah, I don't think so, either.

^-.-^

[RetailWorkhorse]

I even told her at one point that, had she not been happily married, I would have been hitting on her, as she was so completely my type.

Quoted from the other thread.

To her, that just put you in the Creeper category. Most women aren't used to be told that and it comes off as creepy as shit, especially since she's married and she knew you knew it.

Comes off as pretty creepy to me.

[Andara Bledin]

Nah. When you're out bar-hopping with a guy and he lets you now that he finds you totally hot but will respect your marriage, that isn't creepy.

Well, unless you have issues, anyway.

^-.-^

[Jester]

Quoth Andara Bledin

But for some reason you will likely never know, she decided to go into full she-beast mode and let you have it for no reason what-so-ever.

Of course, it's vaguely (not likely, but still) possible that she doesn't remember that night at all and her "girlfriends" gave her some tall tale...

Doubtful, since she wasn't drinking that much.

Also, Little Red was of the opinion that CB was rather into me. She bases this on having met CB and the other women that Friday night when Red was out with some of her friends at a bar we bumped into them at. At some point in that encounter, CB was talking to Red and told her that she (CB) was kind of jealous of her (Red) and couldn't understand why she (Red) and I were just keeping our relationship as friends, because she (CB) would be all over me if she (CB) were her (Red). (I missed this exchange, perhaps when I was off at the bathroom or some such),

Quoth RetailWorkhorse

To her, that just put you in the Creeper category. Most women aren't used to be told that and it comes off as creepy as shit, especially since she's married and she knew you knew it.

Comes off as pretty creepy to me.

Out of context, sure. But I said it in a friendly tone, at the beginning of the night, when I had just gotten off work and was sitting with CB and her friends at the bar at my work. It was conversational....we were talking about her being married and such, and I threw that in there, saying I had noticed the ring and that if she had not been married, I would probably have been hitting on her, but since she was, I wouldn't. If she was creeped out by this, why would she hang out with me for several more hours in the evening, conversing in depth for a while as we did, and near the end of the night describing me as a "major temptation"?

In that context, I don't see it as creepy at all. Nor did I ever get the impression that she was creeped out by me or anything I said.

Keep in mind, you are reading what I said without hearing the inflection in my voice, without seeing my body or facial language, and without the benefit of the context of the conversation amongst myself and her group up to that point.

I have had my moments where I have come off as creepy, I know. This, however, was not one of them.

[TTAZ]

I think the lady's husband picked up her cell phone, saw it was a guy he didn't know texting his wife, and sent that message.

[Jester]

I had thought of the possibility that she never found her cell and that that was the person who found it texting. Or that somehow she quickly got her cell back (or a new one when she got back home) and was worried about her husband or feeling guilty. I never thought that it might be her husband.

I suppose it could have been. I dunno. Guess I never will.

[JustaCashier]

My first thought was maybe she felt guilty about drinking so much, and that she got flirty with you. But then you say she didn't actually drink that much.

Maybe her marriage isn't that great, but for whatever reason she feels she needs to stay in it, (Kids? Fear of her husband?), and maybe she was fairly strongly attracted to to you, and is pissed about her life situation, and this is her way of dealing with it.

Mike

[Hobbs]

If you were texting a married woman, it was definitely your fault.

[lupo pazzesco]

am I the only one who read the other post and saw the chick flirting with Jester, in fact she called him a temptation, didn't she? And he only texted the number because he didn't know who it was initially, and was asking for verification.

I don't know that it's a blame game, per se, and Jester was asking if he deserved to be blasted like he was by this woman. I say no. I'm thinking that maybe, in the bright light of morning and in sobriety induced hindsight she may have regretted what she did (the flirting) depending on the type of personality she has, but turned it around on Jester because his text reminded her that maybe she gets a little too loose when she drinks, and didn't want to remember it. Either that or she may have been insulted beyond belief that, in her mind, she wasn't wonderful enough to remember and thus was insulted because, even if married, some women like to be memorable to all men. (My ex-roomie was that type. Shudder shudder twitch. She'd get extremely upset if a guy she met for even 5 minutes the day before didn't remember exactly who she was and how awesomely fantastical she was.)

So, no, don't think you deserved it. Just my 2 cents.


ETA: damn, didn't read all the responses closely enough, and I realize I just basically reiterated what Mike said. Oops!