Things we would like customers to know - please feel free to add

[Bright_Star]

Yelling, screaming, making threats and stomping your feet isn't going to make what you think is a dire emergency make the cashier move faster than what you would like. A cashier is a HUMAN BEING so don't get all offended when they don't smile enough or act cheery enough for you.

[Kitten in the box]

* If the register is closed, meaning light off, no one behind counter, and there is a baracade staring at it WILL NOT make it open

* Staring at the closed door before the store opens and trying to get employees to look at you will likewise not open the store faster.

* mffhghyrfarble is not a langage in the sober language. We do NOT speak drunk. If you want to speak to us make it as clear as possible.

* Refrain from bothering us if we are out of uniform and OBVIOUSLY on our own time. You may NOT get a response. (unless it is a bonafide emergency. And being out of your favorite ice cream does NOT count as an emergency)

[bhskittykatt]

- When booking, read our amenities carefully. If it's not advertised, we don't have it. Not every hotel/motel has breakfast, truck parking, and/or pay-per-view. What you see on the amenity list is just what we have.

- When you ask "What is there to do in this town?", please be a lot more specific. Are you a foodie? Shopper? Athlete? Into the fine arts? I can rattle off lots of things to do, but if I don't know what you're into, it's hard for me to make suggestions. It's not helpful if I'm suggesting snowboarding to someone wanting a quiet dining experience on the bay. And when I ask what you're interested in, "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer.

- To my paper route customers: if you want to start a subscription, please make it so I can find your address. At least the first time, so I know where it is. Having all the lights off, with your house in a dark area, with windchimes covering your house number is NOT helpful to me finding you. I really don't like shining a flashlight at your house and all your neighbor's houses at 4am, since they can't understand the concept of visible house numbers either. It makes me look and feel like a creep, and anyone else who is around gives me weird looks. And you probably don't like me shining lights in your windows when my flashlight beam passes over them. I know your neighbors sure don't like it. So make sure I can find your address in the dark!

- To the people designing apartment buildings in my paper route area: put down the crack BEFORE you number the apartments in your building!

[ralerin]

On the same line as kitten's post:

-If I'm behind a barricade, or have piled boxes on top of my register to form a barricade, that means I am not at that register and to go to another one.

-If I'm behind a register, staring right at you, no customers in front of me and I have no barricades or signs in front and I am wearing a uniform, it means yes, I am open.

-Not all people who wear clothing similar to the store employees actually work at that store. Similarly, if you see someone who works at a store shopping at a different store on their day, don't go up to them and pester them about where stuff is. They work at other store, not this store, and will tell you to go pound sand.

[SpaceCore]

I only have one that can probably apply to everyone.

-Your jokes aren't funny.

[Kitten in the box]

If I am wearing a uniform do NOT ask if i work here. The ONLY reason i will wear a uniform is IF I am on duty.

Do not ask me if I think your pet will like xxx food. I am not your pet and do not know what he/she prefers to eat.

Don't tell me about the pothole in our neighboring store's parking lot. seriously. I. don't. care.

Don't complain to me that an item went off sale last week. We have weekly ads. read them. Learn them. Its not my fault nor is it my problem if items go off sale.

[ParkingWitch]

Bring money to the airport. Nothing is free here, the city did away with free parking a year and a half ago.

Locking your purse in the trunk is a good idea when going to the mall to Christmas shop for hours, not so good when you'll be checking out of the parking lot in the next 5 minutes.

Do NOT; bend, fold, spindle, mutilate, chew on, candy coat, coffee soak, or do any thing else to your parking ticket, it goes right back into a reader identical to the one it came out of.

I don't care why you're here, just pay you tab and go away.

[RealUnimportant]

Quoth ralerin

-If I'm behind a barricade, or have piled boxes on top of my register to form a barricade, that means I am not at that register and to go to another one.

-If I'm behind a register, staring right at you, no customers in front of me and I have no barricades or signs in front and I am wearing a uniform, it means yes, I am open.

QFT!

[ozcatbug]

People make mistakes. Yes sometimes that means the employees of the store, but sometimes it is the customer that is mistaken. Yelling "the customer is always right" will get you, at best, eye-rolls from any staff in hearing.

Saying that you bought this product from this store, and have done for the past 5 years is fine. Insisting you bought this product from this store, and have done for the past 5 years after you have been told that this product is from competing store, and that this store has only been open for 8 months, is not fine. Please listen.

Don't lie to staff to get your way. Telling the truth will usually get a better response. Saying that you bought a pair of shoes 6 months ago but the first time they were worn the sole lifted, will typically get a better result than trying to return a pair of obviously well worn sandles, without a receipt, insisting that you bought it 2 weeks ago, the strap broke on the first use, and the staff member that has been filling that section for the past 6 months has NEVER seen that specific item. (Both of these customers tried to get their money back. The nice customer did, the other didn't. Yay for my clothing manager.)

When a staff member tells you that sugar is in aisle 3, directly opposite the cake mixes and right next to the soup, don't berate the employee for lying. Please just look where the staff member has directed. The staff member knows, as she had just filled the sugar IN THAT VERY SPOT. Do not scream at employee that there is no sugar in that aisle. It is also polite to apologise to said employee when she takes you to aisle 3 and shows you the 6 modules of sugar, directly opposite the cake mixes and right next to the soup. It is not polite to turn to employee and insist that there was no sugar there when you looked 5 minutes ago, and it must have been filled in the mean time. Just admit you made a mistake, we won't hold it against you.

Being upset that the store has sold out of a certain table decoration days before Christmas is understandable. In the stress of the season, it can feel like Christmas is ruined, and staff can sympathise. Yelling at a staff member that they have ruined Christmas because the store has sold out of a certain table decoration in the post Christmas sale, 361 days before next Christmas just makes you look stupid.

Listen to staff when they say that something is a popular item and that there are only a few left. Don't yell at that same staff member when you return to buy that same popular item 2 weeks after being told that it would likely sell out by the next day. You were warned.

When a staff member tells you that we have never sold that item at this store, please apologise and admit your mistake. Do not attempt to argue with the staff member with the photographic memory that had worked at the store since before it opened. Do not call that same staff member a liar, don't insist the staff member must be new, don't demand a manager train the staff member properly, don't demand the manager find someone that knows what they are talking about. However it is perfectly acceptable to look ashamed when the manager calls for the same staff member as the "expert in this area". That was a fun one.

When someone is seen on a very hot day at the local theme park walking around wearing overalls, bright yellow t-shirt with employee badge, bright yellow hard hat, gloves, wiping sweat out of her eyes as she carts a 4 litre water bottle towards a ride themed like an oil rig, don't ask the stupidest question ever "Do you work here?" You will not like the response. I make no apologies for my response that day. It was 1:30 pm, on a day that was over 34 celsius, very high humidity, and that was the second time that day I had filled that 4L water bottle with ice and water. That afternoon I was made to see first aid as I had a blinding headache, couldn't concentrate and couldn't remember that only 8 guests could go on the ride at a time. I was told I was dehydrated and should make sure I drink more. At that point I had drunk at least 6L of water, and eaten mounds of ice to cool down. Not a pleasant day.

[Jay 2K Winger]

Quoth SpaceCore

-Your jokes aren't funny.

QFT!

From the movie theater:

- Know what movie and showtime you're going to see before reaching the window. You hold up everyone by dickering about it that long.

- Have your ID ready no matter how old you think you look. We don't mess around and can get fired if we screw up and sell tickets to an unaccompanied minor. Your threats, bribes, and whining will do nothing except make us laugh at you.

- As with the first item, know what you want at the concession stand before you reach the counter.

- Also, be considerate about others in line while at the concession stand. Ordering two large popcorns, a hotdog, some nachos, and two large sodas, then turning to your three buddies and asking what they want just holds up everybody. Order individually, and use some moderation, god.

- Seriously, have your ID ready. Don't try to convince me to make an exception, I don't give a shit if you left your ID at home.

- You don't want my opinions on movies. There's a very high likelihood I haven't seen <Movie X>. The chances of my having seen it drop exponentially if it's a chick flick or a period piece. (What can I say? I'm a guy, I like my explosions and laughs.)

- No, seriously, have your ID ready.

From the wholesale club:

- Have your membership card ready when it's your turn in line. I know our particular store doesn't card you when you walk in the door, but there are signs all over the front end advising you to have your membership card ready. If you do not have one, go over to the member services desk to either sign up for one or get a temporary one-time pass.

- On that note, read the signs. I realize that our store is different, in that we put our price signs ABOVE the merchandise on the shelves instead of BELOW it, but no, we will not give you the price for Brand A Whatever ($5.00) for your Brand Z Thingamajig ($20.00). No, it's not misleading.

- No, you may not take that clothing into the restroom to try it on before you buy it. Sure, once you've bought it, you can do that, but no unpaid merchandise is allowed in the restroom.

- Don't argue with me about the legality of checking your receipt. If we are in the wrong, it's a matter to take up with corporate, not with the husky FDLP minion at the door. For the record, though, it is not unconstitutional. For one, I'm a private citizen, and so the Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to me. For another, the Fourth Amendment applies to "unreasonable search and seizure." This is not unreasonable, no, it really isn't. You consent to abiding by our store's regulations when you shop here. And if you haven't actually purchased anything in that full cart, then you're stealing, and hey, stay right there while we call the police.

From the IT service desk:

- Please don't small talk at the start of the ticket. I'm not really interested in answering your "how are you doing?" question. I want to get to your problem as quickly as possible, especially when we've got a number of calls in the queue that is going into the double-digits.

- Be patient about your issue. Yes, it may be of vital importance and we absolutely sympathize, but we do not have the ability to crack the whip and get action moving instantaneously. Calling back every hour for a status update will do nothing.

- Be aware that you are not the only user we are servicing. Your issue might seem very important, and I will pacify you by stating I've put an "immediate urgency" on your ticket. And I have, but your ticket's still getting a medium priority.

- Be aware of the time of day. If you are calling after 4:30pm (and especially after 5:30pm), many of the relevant support teams to your issues may have gone home for the day. If it's truly of dire importance, we'll do what we can to get it done now, but for the most part, it will wait until morning when those departments open back up.

- We are just the messengers. We cannot work miracles. We have the ability to work small miracles, true, but major miracles are outside our purview. We will send your problem to them as can work major miracles, but don't scream at us because we can't instantaneously fix your problem.