Long distance relationships

[Soulstealer]

So for job related reasons I've had to move several thousand miles away from my fiance for a year. It really sucks and I miss him and my friends back home.

Anyone ever had to deal with a similar situation? How did you handle it relationship wise and the missing people in general part?

[MaggieTheCat]

My husband and I were long distance before I moved down to Texas to be with him (we met online in a video game chatroom about...15 years ago.) Some things that we did to keep in touch and feel more connected:

Chat online a lot and talk on the phone a lot. These are givens, you need to stay in touch and these are the best ways. Skype and similar video chat options are also widely available now, if you both have webcams. My husband (well, he was my boyfriend at the time) and I talked pretty much every day, even if it was only for 10 minutes (he works during the day, 8am-5p, and I used to work at night, 2pm-10pm so by the time I got up for the day, he was at work, and by the time I got off work, he was getting ready for bed, so I usually just called him on my way home from work at night.)

Play WoW. Yeah, I know. But it was a way for us to do something interactive together. We talked on the phone whenever we played, too, rather than chatting online. Obviously you don't have to play WoW, you could try another MMO or any kind of online game. Just something the two of you can do together.

Read books or watch movies together (at home, not at a movie theater.) We would each get the same book and take turn reading chapters to each other over the phone. We read a LOT of books together. Similar with movies, except we just commented on them to each other while we both watched at the same time. Works best with a movie you've both already seen so you don't miss anything while talking.

Make plans to see each other. Even if you can't set a date solid in stone, try to come up with at least a general timeframe for when you'll see each other next (like "the first part of February" or "around your birthday.") This will give you something to look forward to and you can count down the months/weeks/days till your next visit. It's a lot better than saying "I don't know when I'll see you again" when you part ways.

Long distance relationships are tough, I won't lie. At least you guys are already a couple and have been together for a while before being apart; that will make it easier than starting out as a LDR. Also, I know a year sounds like a long time but it isn't. Think about how fast 2011 went by. I know right now it doesn't feel that way but think about the happy times you've had together and look forward to the next time you will see him.

[AccountingDrone]

So for job related reasons I've had to move several thousand miles away from my fiance for a year. It really sucks and I miss him and my friends back home.

Anyone ever had to deal with a similar situation? How did you handle it relationship wise and the missing people in general part?

I have been married to hubby for 20 years, 15 of them with him in the Navy, and 10 of those years with him on sea duty [though he did also spend 18 months of his accumulated shore duty stationed 2 states away in Portsmouth NH/Kittery Me while the sub was undergoing shipyard refit ] and of those 10 years of sea duty, he was actually at sea for just about 6 years combined. Oh, and thanks to the Cold War, much of the time I had no idea where the sub was at any given time other than very generally [hm, North Sea ... how many thousand square miles is there of that?]

You deal with it. You get lucky - you can make phone calls, chat online, email, video chat ... pretty much any time your mutual schedule permits. Consider yourself to be lucky =)

[lupo pazzesco]

I only just recently moved in with my boyfriend, and we did the long distance thing for about 9 months.

Maggie has a lot of good ideas that we didn't do, but what we liked to do was just get on skype every night and leave it up while we puttered around doing daily stuff. So it seemed like we were doing stuff together. i.e., I'd cook, he'd do his dishes or laundry, and we'd just chat about our days.

We'd watch the same shows. (He'd DVR if there was a different show or something was interfering)

It is tough. Not gonna lie, but it's completely doable. It's going to suck, and we did make general plans, as in 'in April I'll visit you', or vice versa, and narrow down the weekend depending on schedules ahead of time. It WAS a lot easier than saying "You'll come see me on April 12th", and easier to handle disappointment when that set date fell through. Emails, phone calls, texts, even regular letters and cards help. I sent a care package here and there, cookies, breads, etc, if that's your thing.

Good luck. And we're here if you need to rant. Always.

[dragon_wings]

I'm currently in a long distance relationship. Granted we're only 4 hours (by bus) apart but neither of us can afford visiting each other often (he's a broke college student and in a band trying to put out their first album, I work 40 hours a week to barely make ends meet).
We talk when we can but we have very different and varied schedules.
I text more then he does but occasionally he'll text or respond to one of mine.
It's hard but he's often in my thoughts.

Eta: we've been together since February and I went to visit him once in March.

[Sapphire Silk]

I tried to keep a relationship going with my high school boyfriend when his parents were transferred to Germany (Air Force).

It sucked. Phone calls were too expensive, there was no internet, and our attempt to play D&D by mail pretty much ground to a halt real quick.

Do everything you can to stay in touch by phone or Skype. Call often. Not necessarily every day, but a couple of times a week. Do the WoW thing to have some fun time together.

If you can afford it, make a trip home around the 6 month mark to renew things.

Good luck!

[Boozy]

Back when we were dating, my husband and I were separated for about a year while he completed his post-graduate degree in another city.

To be honest, I sometimes miss those days. We talked every night on the phone for at least an hour. Now that we've been married and living together for five years, we sometimes take each other for granted. We can be in the same room as each other for hours now, and never really talk the way we used to.

So long-distance relationships aren't so bad, as long as you have a solid foundation going into it. You'll miss the physical intimacy, but you might find that increased communication makes up for it.

[tacohuman]

i won't lie, long distance relationships are hard. my wife and i were long distance for 2 years while she was finishing school in another state, and i was pretty miserable a lot of the time with missing her. that said, in the end it only strengthened our relationship, because it forced us to find creative ways to communicate. at this point, when things get tough, we look back on that time and figure that if we could make it through that, we can make it through anything.

my suggestions are to talk, often. every day may not be an option for you, but if it is so much the better, even if just for a few minutes. skype, video chat, email, all are good to keep that communication open. as outdated as it may sound, aside from all that my wife and i also wrote letters to each other. we had a voice recorder that we'd make random messages on and mail back and forth every couple of weeks. also, see each other as often as is feasible, even if only for a few hours. i know travel can be tough, but you don't have to go all the way to him, nor he to you. you can meet somewhere in the middle. my wife and i were separated by about 900 miles, and there was a city that was just about equidistant from each of us. it was several hours' drive to get there, but as often as we could we'd make the drive in and spend the night together, then drive back home the next day. that really helped.

that said, also realize that each of you still has your own life to live, so try to give each other space, too. it seems counterintuitive, and it can be hard to do, but i've also seen ldrs fail because each party was so afraid of distance ruining the relationship that they essentially smothered each other, and let everything else in their lives fall by the wayside. this eventually can lead to resentment, which is never good.

however you decide to handle it, good luck to you. long distance relationships are hard, but they can also be very rewarding in the long run for those who stick things out.

[Kittish]

I was in a long distance relationship with my current significant other for almost 3 years before we finally managed to merge households. Communication is the KEY. My boyfriend and I talked on the phone every day, even if for only 5 or 10 minutes. We had video chats online a couple of times a week. We played games together online as well. I second the suggestion to play WoW or some other MMO of your choice, just do it together. The internet has to be the biggest aid to long distance relationships since the invention of the postal service.

[Soulstealer]

Thanks everyone. It's the first month of this year apart and we're still trying to figure out how to communicate over the distance. I'm going to bring up a few of the suggestions you've had and we'll see from there.