*headdesk*

[Kanalah]

Words fail me right now, I just....argh!

1. Got my daughter into an awesome autism-only school. It's great and wonderful...and very expensive. Luckily we got a scholorship from the state to cover half of the tuition. We're still going to have the budget very carefully to pay for it.

2. I love school, but it's jerking me around. They won't let me sign up for spring classes. At first I was upset, but I'm going to have to drop out so we can pay daughter's tuition.

3. Hubby bought me awesome scrubs for the rest of my classes, but I have to drop out.

4. Going to DC area to visit the in-laws, for the first time in 4 years. We're driving because daughter throws huge screaming fits on airplanes and I have panic attacks. Hubby insisted on renting a car for the trip, which is a huge pain in the ass and expensive. We have a car, why not USE it?

5. Hubby wants to stay in DC for 3 weeks, no big deal - I'm taking my sewing machine and working on little projects. Had a cat-sitter all lined up for Miss Stella, my deaf kitty. They backed out on me yesterday and now I'm frantically calling kennels. So far all are booked/won't return my calls.

6. I have 1 more quilt to ship today and need to deliver stockings today. Also I have a final on Thursday.

7. Gave Christmas gifts to my side of the family. My sister gave our whole family strep.

I'm just going to sit here and for a bit.

[Treasure]

Congrats on the school for daughter!

the renting a car may be a safety thing - how many miles are on the family car? when was the last oil change / tire rotation / brake job etc..... also, your hubby may be wanting a car that he can "show off"..... weigh the options - see what's going to be more expensive - renting the car for 3 weeks, or making sure the family car is in top condition for the trip - and discuss all of this with hubby

are there other friends / neighbors that you'd be willing to let take care of Kitty?

get thee to the post office, and then study for that final.... a little today, a little tomorrow... you will kick that final's behind!

strep sucks - antibiotics are your friend! also your sister should've begged off if she was sick...

[Jester]

Hubby insisted on renting a car for the trip, which is a huge pain in the ass and expensive. We have a car, why not USE it?

There are a few reasons why a rental car might be better. It might offer more cargo space. It might be better suited for the trip. It might be in better shape than your car. It might be to save wear and tear on your vehicle, especially if he doesn't want to subject the family car to the Northeastern winter weather.

Of course, if he just wants a rental car for vanity or fun, he's an idiot. But he may have some valid reasons for it.

[Kanalah]

He's already paid to rent the car, so there's no talking him out of it now. Our car is in great shape, he just wanted to pay extra for a car that may or may not have a dvd player. Seriously once the man's made up his mind - that's it.

I could ask family to take care of Stella- except they all have cats. Thier cats would be defending thier territory and poor Stella would get whooped. I'd let my mom watch her, but she's already mad at me for giving a quilt to my dad. I'm scared that my mom will take her to the pound or let her get out or something. Stella can't go outside ever, she's stone deaf. Plus mom's neighbor hates cats and has an attack dog. I'm just so worried that something's going to happen to her.

I wish one of the kennels will call me back, even thought it will likely cost me $500+

All I have to do is make sure that we get to MIL's house. Once we get there, hubby will be worshipping the ground his mom walks on and ignoring me and treating me like a servant. I grew up like that so I guess I'm used to it. Then I can just end it and everyone will be happy because I'll be gone. Hubby will be back with his mommy, I've given away most of the my stuff already. My family will be so glad to get rid of me, I'm such a dissapointment to them. I'm so tired of having to fight for everything in my life. I just want it to be over.

[AnaKhouri]

Kanalah, everyone here will say they would miss you were you to harm yourself. Well, how much worse will it be for your children? Do you really think your husband can raise them by himself? Can you live with the thought of your children being raised by in-laws or even strangers? Can you abandon them, now or ever?

My friend's dad killed himself when my friend was a kid. Intellectually, my friend knows his dad's choice had nothing to do with him. But still every day he thinks about what he did or didn't do, and how he could have kept his dad from committing suicide. The guilt never ends.

If people here can't make you see how much you are needed and wanted in this world, look into your kids' eyes and ask them what they would do if Mommy left them.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

Kanalah. your children will not be better off without you. My friend's brother committed suicide because he thought it would be better to end it, then have his kids watch him battle cancer. His boys have never forgiven him for leaving him. Can you do that to your precious children.

Hang in there. If you need someone to talk to I am here. I will PM you my cell number and if you need me, call or text

[Ree]

Kanalah, I don't know what's going on, but please respond to my PM and messages to you.

We truly do care about you here.

[Jester]

Kanalah, we lost Plaid. We're not losing you. Don't you fucking dare!

Your husband, your children, your family, and your friends (as well as the CS community) would be utterly devastated were you to follow through on such thoughts, so stop it. Stop it now. That is an order. And trust me, I am not someone you want to piss off.

[MoonCat]

Kanalah, you're an awesome person and you deserve some happiness in your life. Just because some people treat you like shit doesn't mean you should accept that. Mom, husband, whoever - what makes their opinion so important? PLEASE, don't take that step. We want you to take control of your own life. You're worth it.

[Kara]

Kanalah, you have a pm. I meant every word, you aren't that far from me and I would gladly head your way just to give you a hug.

[Kanalah]

And here I am cryling like a baby now.

I was so worked up about the very real possibility that my mom would hurt my cat. I know it sounds stupid, but she's my therapy cat. She's there when I can't sleep and she doesn't mind watching Dr Who all day with me. And she never yells at me. The kids yell at me. My husband doesn't understand depression and lately has started saying "quit talking about killing yourself and just do it already, sheesh!"

I just work so hard to take care of everyone else and the one time I want something, I get yelled at or slapped down. I should probably stop expecting stuff.

I did finally get a call back from a kennel. It will cost me $500, but I'll know that my kitty will be there when I get home.

It's just really difficult growing up and hearing your own parents tell you that everything would be better if you were dead.

Jester, don't be mad at me. I was hoping sometime to visit Key West and have you pick out rum for me.

I'll be okay, I'm just way stressed out over everything. Hubby has been promising that he'll help out. I just feel bad getting all worked up over something that you all probably think is stupid.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

You have had a lot of us worried. If you ever need someone to let off steam to, call or text me. If you need her, Kara can be there in 3 hours to give you a hug and be a shoulder to cry on, just ask and she will be there for you

[Kanalah]

Yeah but I don't want to be trouble. Then I won't be able to talk about anything.

[FormerCallingCardRep]

If I wasn't half way across the country I would be there right now. I am very worried about you and I do not want to see your children grow up without you.

[Ree]

Yeah but I don't want to be trouble.

Excuse me, but you don't come on here and post the comments that you did, then don't reply to PM's and messages of concern, scaring and worrying us sick, and then say, "I don't want to be trouble."

If it's not clear to people on this site by now, we have a great group of caring people here, and when one of us is hurting, we all hurt. It has been posted numerous times in the months since Plaid's loss that we are all here and if anyone is feeling like they can't cope, they can feel free to message someone

We all lost a dear friend this year, so we are naturally on high alert when we read these kinds of comments.

Helping out a friend is not "trouble."