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Ok, for those unaware, I recently moved to a different city to be with my boyfriend. I'm unemployed, broke and as such, this is the first year I won't be able to fly home to visit my family.
I'm taking this pretty hard. I love my mom. I miss her fiercely, and for the last decade or so, I've only ever been able to see her once a year for a little over a week. Same with my siblings, various aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. I'm fighting depression over this.
Well, yesterday, while running around town doing errands with my wolfie, I get a phone call. It's my dad. He said he's currently in a town about 300 miles north, and wants to know if I'd be interested in him taking a bus down to come visit me.
I'm torn on this. See, I'm greatly interested. My initial reaction is "yaay!! I get to see a member of my family for the holidays, sweet!!!"
But then I remember.
My relationship with my dad is...rocky, to put it mildly. He's an alcoholic who, when I presented him with an ultimatum to choose between beer or his children, opted to stop talking to me for about 6 years. And he has a long history of not keeping his word, and not following through. In high school, he missed my graduation. He would also promise to pick me up from school, and he'd just forget me to be able to go to a bar and drink. I'd end up crying in the bathroom, because he'd just forget me. He'd call and basically go "oops, sorry, my bad! I forgot, but I'll be better next time"
In the last couple of years, after a series of deaths in my family, dad's been trying to reconnect, but it's hit or miss. he's still flaky, and I just...I don't know.
I'm scared to hope. I'm afraid he's going to flake out again, and I'm going to end up crying again. I can't give him any more ultimatums or whatnot, because it takes everything in me to maintain my stance on various issues. I have held those lines and I've done pretty well, but given my current frame of mind.
I don't know. Just need to babble. Wolfie is glad I get to see a family member, but has already made it clear if he flakes on me or disappoints me, he's no longer welcome in our home. I can't draw that line, but he will.
So, I'm afraid to get my hopes up...but they're already there, I think. Keep your fingers crossed for me, I guess...?
I'm taking this pretty hard. I love my mom. I miss her fiercely, and for the last decade or so, I've only ever been able to see her once a year for a little over a week. Same with my siblings, various aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. I'm fighting depression over this.
Well, yesterday, while running around town doing errands with my wolfie, I get a phone call. It's my dad. He said he's currently in a town about 300 miles north, and wants to know if I'd be interested in him taking a bus down to come visit me.
I'm torn on this. See, I'm greatly interested. My initial reaction is "yaay!! I get to see a member of my family for the holidays, sweet!!!"
But then I remember.
My relationship with my dad is...rocky, to put it mildly. He's an alcoholic who, when I presented him with an ultimatum to choose between beer or his children, opted to stop talking to me for about 6 years. And he has a long history of not keeping his word, and not following through. In high school, he missed my graduation. He would also promise to pick me up from school, and he'd just forget me to be able to go to a bar and drink. I'd end up crying in the bathroom, because he'd just forget me. He'd call and basically go "oops, sorry, my bad! I forgot, but I'll be better next time"
In the last couple of years, after a series of deaths in my family, dad's been trying to reconnect, but it's hit or miss. he's still flaky, and I just...I don't know.
I'm scared to hope. I'm afraid he's going to flake out again, and I'm going to end up crying again. I can't give him any more ultimatums or whatnot, because it takes everything in me to maintain my stance on various issues. I have held those lines and I've done pretty well, but given my current frame of mind.
I don't know. Just need to babble. Wolfie is glad I get to see a family member, but has already made it clear if he flakes on me or disappoints me, he's no longer welcome in our home. I can't draw that line, but he will.
So, I'm afraid to get my hopes up...but they're already there, I think. Keep your fingers crossed for me, I guess...?
*hugs lupo lots* 
Gosh, I hate this for you so bad. I know the pain of a father disappointing you over and over and over. Each time, you REALLY want to hope he'll come through. Cry all you need to. It's part of it.
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