Last night I did something that I've been afraid to do for almost a year.
Backstory is my father's brother left the family over 40 years ago, their mother was a very toxic woman, letting her boyfriends beat her children, take away their pets, and just was a horrid woman herself, she ran off a lot of their family. My father's one brother as soon as he turned 18 took off, none of the siblings blamed him they all wish the did the same. Unfortunately for any man with his name in the state his mother sent awful letters to him, begging him to come back, threatening him and just full of crazy, she finally stopped when the cops showed up and told her she had to. My Father has always wanted to find his brother, but because of how his mother acted he didn't want to bother him, also because two of their siblings started to act like their mother, he was afraid his brother expected my Dad to be like them.
This is were things get weird, for 7 years of school I sat next to a girl in a lot of my classes including homeroom with the same last name as mine. She didn't know her father had any family, and I never thought at the time to ask her father's name. A year ago, I noticed her father was being tagged in photos of her son on facebook, I clicked now realizing her father shared my missing Uncle's name and without a doubt I knew he had to be related to me, even if he was one of my Dad's cousins, there was a serious family resemblance. I sent a message to the girl I went to school with, asking if she knows of anything, she said all of his family died and he was raised by his grandparents. I didn't remember any story like that from my Dad, and I didn't want to upset her by asking any more questions, so I just told her if she thought her Dad might be wondering about his family, let him know that my Mother is a genealogist, and that she would be more then happy to help and there might be some connection to our family. I left it at that and didn't ask her more.
It's been almost a year since I asked her and I've been wanting to contact her father and ask him, I knew I couldn't find his number without asking his daughter, and I didn't want to upset her, so I finally got the courage last night to send him a message on facebook. I wrote and rewrote a note to him over and over then finally sent it.
I had a response within an hour. He was shocked to find a letter from me, he is my father's brother, I am his niece and he was touched that I was looking for him. He said my parents should be proud that I figured things out, and he was happy I did. We are figuring out when we are going to meet, possibly as early as next Sunday. We need to figure out how he is going to explain things to his daughter, I offered to help since I grew up with the family and can really explain why he left from a granddaughter's point of view and help her understand that he was protecting her from, even though I was a lucky one and got far less trouble from our grandmother then our older cousins did. We are also figuring out how to go about him and my Dad meeting up, my uncle is afraid and ashamed of what he did, I already told him we love him, and no one blamed him for what he did and that I spent all my life hearing about him and that my father loves him still.
I can't wait for them to see each other, my father is pretty emotional about missing his brother, and I can tell my Uncle feels the same. After spending almost every school day with his daughter for years, I know my uncle is a good man and different from the rest of the family, like my father is.
I can't believe I found him and he wants to have some sort of relationship with us, I can't wait to meet him and then finally tell my Dad.
I am just in shock, what are the odds that I would spend years with my cousin not knowing she was my cousin?
Backstory is my father's brother left the family over 40 years ago, their mother was a very toxic woman, letting her boyfriends beat her children, take away their pets, and just was a horrid woman herself, she ran off a lot of their family. My father's one brother as soon as he turned 18 took off, none of the siblings blamed him they all wish the did the same. Unfortunately for any man with his name in the state his mother sent awful letters to him, begging him to come back, threatening him and just full of crazy, she finally stopped when the cops showed up and told her she had to. My Father has always wanted to find his brother, but because of how his mother acted he didn't want to bother him, also because two of their siblings started to act like their mother, he was afraid his brother expected my Dad to be like them.
This is were things get weird, for 7 years of school I sat next to a girl in a lot of my classes including homeroom with the same last name as mine. She didn't know her father had any family, and I never thought at the time to ask her father's name. A year ago, I noticed her father was being tagged in photos of her son on facebook, I clicked now realizing her father shared my missing Uncle's name and without a doubt I knew he had to be related to me, even if he was one of my Dad's cousins, there was a serious family resemblance. I sent a message to the girl I went to school with, asking if she knows of anything, she said all of his family died and he was raised by his grandparents. I didn't remember any story like that from my Dad, and I didn't want to upset her by asking any more questions, so I just told her if she thought her Dad might be wondering about his family, let him know that my Mother is a genealogist, and that she would be more then happy to help and there might be some connection to our family. I left it at that and didn't ask her more.
It's been almost a year since I asked her and I've been wanting to contact her father and ask him, I knew I couldn't find his number without asking his daughter, and I didn't want to upset her, so I finally got the courage last night to send him a message on facebook. I wrote and rewrote a note to him over and over then finally sent it.
I had a response within an hour. He was shocked to find a letter from me, he is my father's brother, I am his niece and he was touched that I was looking for him. He said my parents should be proud that I figured things out, and he was happy I did. We are figuring out when we are going to meet, possibly as early as next Sunday. We need to figure out how he is going to explain things to his daughter, I offered to help since I grew up with the family and can really explain why he left from a granddaughter's point of view and help her understand that he was protecting her from, even though I was a lucky one and got far less trouble from our grandmother then our older cousins did. We are also figuring out how to go about him and my Dad meeting up, my uncle is afraid and ashamed of what he did, I already told him we love him, and no one blamed him for what he did and that I spent all my life hearing about him and that my father loves him still.
I can't wait for them to see each other, my father is pretty emotional about missing his brother, and I can tell my Uncle feels the same. After spending almost every school day with his daughter for years, I know my uncle is a good man and different from the rest of the family, like my father is.
I can't believe I found him and he wants to have some sort of relationship with us, I can't wait to meet him and then finally tell my Dad.
I am just in shock, what are the odds that I would spend years with my cousin not knowing she was my cousin?
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