Wherein ( Fashion ) Mistakes Are Made

[Sapphire Silk]

Quoth Gravekeeper

My HD is slowly perishing and is not fond of Internet browsing at the moment. So this is somewhat arduous to post. But my misery must be shared! ( It keeps me sane ). >.>

Keeps me sane, too. I hesitate to think what that says about us CSers.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Wait, What?

Me: “Are you calling to place an order?”
SC: “No! You're a bunch of fucking crooks! You're IN LEAGUE WITH THE FUCKING JEWS! <click>"

Paranoia will destroy ya . . . .

And keep a bunch of cynical folks who can't actually give such idiotcy the response it truly deserves in real life, a means of venting by pointing their fingers at the silly rabbit in the tinfoil hat.

Quoth Gravekeeper

You Might Want To Get Out Of There

Why yes, a strong smell of gas coming from your stove is very alarming. However, the on duty maintenance guy has indicated that you actually own an electric stove. Which….ok actually I guess that makes this scenario even more alarming, doesn’t it? In fact…maybe you should just go outside for a little while. Perhaps get a bit of distance between you and the building just in case. Maybe a block or two.

Too bad you can't suggest he open the door and actually stick his head in . . . .

Did that come off my keyboard???

Quoth Gravekeeper

Power Down
( The power went out a building one of our client's manages. Somehow this is our fault and not the power companies )

It would seem that it only takes approximately 45 minutes without electricity for the average adult human being to lose their goddamn mind.

When I lived in Northern California, and we had the rolling brown outs that led to the fall of Grey Davis and the rise of the Governator, when ever the power went out you could hear the engines revving in the parking lot as the other residents of the apartment complex bailed for whatever place of public air conditioning or friend's couch they could find.

Even though the power was rarely out for more than an hour, and it doesn't get that flipping hot that you can't manage for a little bit before they cut the power back on.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Power Down II

It would seem it only takes 2 hours without power for the average adult human being to completely abandoned their home like rats from a sinking ship. Though I’m going to guess that in your case in particular there may be some…ulterior motives. The building has been without power for 2 hours, and thus, the heat hasn’t been on. So you’re calling to complain that it’s somehow too cold now ( I guess they used a layer of Post It notes to insulate the walls ). Your “solution” to being too cold was to go hang out at the casino for a few hours. Not get a blanket or put on a sweater then go to bed. But stay up and go to a casino.

This one I can actually sympathize with a bit. I forgot to fill the oil tank one winter, and lost heat in the middle of a bitter cold snap. Naturally, I was going to have to wait a few days for a delivery because of the high demand.

I did have electric power, so I bought some space heaters. Even with the space heaters running full blast, I could only get the indoor temperature of the house up to 35 degrees F in the room that had the space heater. The rest of the house was bitterly cold.

I was lucky not to end up with a burst pipe, but then we did leave the water trickling to try and prevent that until we got our oil delivery. It was the most miserable couple of days I've ever spent in my life.

And I lived in Maryland at the time, not Canada.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Why?
Yes, scruffy skateboarder downtown on Granville. I must echo your friend’s inquiry: Why? In fact if I may append his statement: Why God, Why?

Because God has a sense of humor?

Quoth Gravekeeper

Oh, Hello
( Rousing a tech for COMPUTER R MAGIC )

Me: “Hi, it’s GK from the afterhours desk here. I just have a case dispatch for you.”
Tech: “Oh. Cool!”

That’s…not really the normal kind of reaction I get when I wake up an on call guy in the middle of the night.

He might get paid by the call. That's the way it was for me when I did night call for hospice. I got paid by the visit.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Oh, Hello II

Me: “Hi, it’s GK from the afterhours desk here. I just have a case dispatch for you.”
Tech: “Don’t you people ever let me sleep?”

Tech: “I know what you’re thinking, this guy doesn’t know what he’s doing here. He doesn’t even have a pen ready.”

A very astute observation, my friend. But please, if you would, a little less mind reading and a little more rummaging through your desk for a pen.

I tried really, really hard not to act like this when I was on call for hospice. After all, it was hardly the answering service's fault . . . they were just working stiffs like me.

One of the operators remarked on it to me one day how nice I was compared to some of the folks she'd have to call, especially the doctors.

But some days, when we were getting really slammed, I would comment, "God . . . you guys are killing me today . . ." and we'd both laugh.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Crimes Against Humanity

Me: “And the item number please?”
SC: “xxxx”

Ok, stop. Stop. Just. Stop. I can no longer assist you. I must put forth a morale objection. You are asking me to help you commit one of the greatest fashion crimes I have ever witnessed. I cannot do it. I will not help you do this. You….you monster. You want me to help you wear this in public?

Well, sorry to disappoint, but it’s actually out of stock. As in…..somehow….we managed to sell them all. I have no idea how. Just be advised that there are several people out there in the world. Right now. Who paid money so they could wear this outside. Be advised and be alarmed.

I just had to snip the URL. Connections to that atrocity should be discouraged.

I think I'll be optimistic and convince my self that the reason this monstrosity is out of stock is because some kindly soul saw this item, cringed in horror, and ordered them all up in order to burn them to protect society at large.

[BeenThereDoneThat]

Quoth Gravekeeper

My HD is slowly perishing and is not fond of Internet browsing at the moment. So this is somewhat arduous to post. But my misery must be shared! ( It keeps me sane ). >.>

Noooooooooo! We must take up a collection or something to buy you a new HD...we can't have you disappearing on us!!

Quoth Gravekeeper

Me: “Hi, it’s GK from the afterhours desk here. I just have a case dispatch for you.”
Tech: “Oh. Cool!”

Are you sure you actually woke him up? Maybe he never sleeps, or maybe he's hoping he will get called away from home because his family drives him nuts...

Quoth Gravekeeper

This….this whatever it is.

Quoth crashhelmet

I may take that before I ordered this

Wow, that place has EVERYTHING! (As long as it's some kind of really weird printed bandana/scarf...)

[Mongo Skruddgemire]

Quoth Gravekeeper

Oh, Hello
( Rousing a tech for COMPUTER R MAGIC )

Me: “Hi, it’s GK from the afterhours desk here. I just have a case dispatch for you.”
Tech: “Oh. Cool!”

That’s…not really the normal kind of reaction I get when I wake up an on call guy in the middle of the night. I mean, I’m not complaining. But are you sure you’re feeling alright? Do you have a fever? Are you lightheaded? Have you been varnishing something in a poorly ventilated room?

I have been known to be happy for being awoken at O-Dark-30 to rush in and fix something that staff at my hospital managed to break. And for none of the reasons that you mentioned above.

What could possibly make me happy to be roused in the middle of the night? Time-and-a-half pay. Coupled that if I have to set foot in the hospital they pay me for two hours regardless if it takes the full two hours or if it takes 20 minutes.

I was even on call on Christmas Eve and when they called me at a time much earlier than my children have ever done on Christmas...I was so happy I was almost orgasmic in my excitement.

You see I had to swap out a printer that had failed with a spare (a 20 minute job at worst) and because it was a holiday it was double-time and a half. Yes because someone spilled a Vente something from Starschmucks into a Lexmark T-652dn printer I got paid for 2 hours at 2.5 times my normal salary for only having to work 20 minutes.

I'm sorry but when that call came in I actually squealed like a tween-aged school girl who was just handed Justin Bieber tickets.

[Balgram]

Just for the record, that monstrosity against all fashion is a neck warmer. It's worn around the neck up to/just covering the nose, and typically the bottom part of it is tucked under your shirt.

And while WHY you would want to wear one with a variety of skulls is beyond me, I wager I know about 6 gentleman who go running near my house who would be overjoyed to wear one. Not because they think it's fashionable, but because they have just that kind of sense of humor. They'd wear it, and they'd wear it proudly. It would accompany their biker shorts and sunglasses as they jog in the dark and trudge through the snow.

Also that "Wired for Sound" gentleman sounds like he was having a manic episode. Wow.

[Gravekeeper]

Its a bandana. You wear it train robber/bandito style. Why? I have no damn idea. It actually comes in a wide variety of crimes against nature and is suggested both for on the slopes and "Just around town".....

[Jester]

Quoth Gravekeeper

SC: “No! You're a bunch of fucking crooks! You're IN LEAGUE WITH THE FUCKING JEWS! <click>"

As a fucking Jew myself, I feel it is my responsibility to point out that I have never been in any leagues with GK, nor have any of my kin that I am aware of.

Then again, as an American I was mostly in baseball Little Leagues, and as GK is Canadian, I imagine most of his leagues were hockey, soccer, or more hockey, so it seems unlikely we would have been in the same league anyway.

Quoth Gravekeeper

If you have a verbal blow out, you’re never string a coherent sentence together again in your life.

What do you mean, "again"? Based on what you have told us about your callers, as well as the one view we've had of this particular caller, it seems doubtful that he has EVER put a coherent sentence together.

Quoth Gravekeeper

The building has been without power for 2 hours, and thus, the heat hasn’t been on. So you’re calling to complain that it’s somehow too cold now ( I guess they used a layer of Post It notes to insulate the walls ). Your “solution” to being too cold was to go hang out at the casino for a few hours. Not get a blanket or put on a sweater then go to bed. But stay up and go to a casino.

As someone who has been in a residence in the winter with no heat one night (and this was in Phoenix, Arizona, not Vancouver, Canuckifreezingourassesoffherestan), I can understand their motivation. I froze my ASS off that night, and I was wrapped in layers, sweatshirts, a winter coat, and blankets. None of it helped. Had I had a business near me that was open, and had I thought of it, I probably would have gone there to hang out. And had said business been a casino, that's probably where I would have gone, too. Which is ironic for me, since I don't gamble. But I DO hate the cold, and casinos DO tend to serve booze....yeah, that's where you would have found me.

Thank goodness with all the power outages we have down here (three this weekend, I think, perhaps more) it never gets cold enough for that to be an issue.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Wired For Sound

I actually watch football with a guy JUST LIKE THIS.

Big time Raiders fan (like me), and he's just non-stop throughout the game.

"COME ON, RAIDERS, COME ON! BIG TIME RAIDER FOOTBALL RIGHT HERE! LET'S GO LET'S LET'S GO LET'S GO. COME ON, THROW THE BALL! WHY'D YOU THROW THE BALL TO HIM? OH, MAN, WHY ARE YOU DOING DUMBASS SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN? SERIOUSLY?"

Yes, I can quote him, from YEARS of being subjected to this. Although within this last month, he moved back home to Texas....and yet, I can STILL hear him.

Dude's blood could have amped up 38 tweakers.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Allow me to provide you with some advice: In the future when you call about a problem, it’s perfectly okay to say “I DON’T KNOW IT BROKEN”.

Amusingly, that sounds just like me when something goes wrong with my computer and I go to my computer tech roommate for help.

JESTER: "Dude, something's wrong with my computer."
MR. ANTI-SOCIAL: "What is it?"
JESTER: [very blank deer in headlights look]
MR. ANTI-SOCIAL: "What's the problem with the computer?
JESTER: "I...don't know. It's just....not working. Help?"

For once, I am not in any way exaggerating. The above conversation has happened on multiple occasions in the years we've been roommates.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Crimes Against Humanity

You want me to help you wear this in public?[/QUOTE]

I had to think about what that was. At first I thought it was a tunic or dress of some sort. And I thought "Why in the hell would someone wear THAT? But when I realized it was a bandana, I realized that I would, in fact, wear it.

As a cyclist, I often wear a bandana on my head, to keep the sweat out of my eyes, and if I'm wearing a helmet, as a liner betwixt my head and the brain bucket. And a lot of my bandanas are...interesting.

That one I would wear. In public. But only if I was going Mach 2 on my bike. The very idea of wearing it as a FASHION STATEMENT, like out at the bar? Utterly ridiculous to me.

"But what's the difference, Jester?" The difference, dear friends, is that when I am out cycling, and wearing the padded shorts and the biking gloves and all that other stuff, I already look ridiculous. So I don't care if I look more ridiculous. Hell, I have been known to go riding with one of my many jester hats on my head. (One March, this poor Spring Break girl looked up just in time to see a crazed sunglass-wearing court jester bearing down on her at about 30 mph on a bike. She froze in her spot, and clearly had the living crap scared out of her. She might have even needed to change her pants. I have never before or since seen "deer in the headlights" so well personified.)

So yeah, as a bandana, I would totally wear that.

Quoth crashhelmet

I may take that before I ordered this.

Agreed. Looks like a bunch of cartoon characters got together to rob a bank, but at the last minute decided to go on a graffiti-tagging mission. Clearly the designer liked their hallucinogens.

Quoth Balgram

Just for the record, that monstrosity against all fashion is a neck warmer.

Neck warmer? Oh, hell no. Now we're getting silly.

[Solumina]

As with most recent crimes against fashion the culprits are easy to find. Hiipster kids take pride in wearing the most atrocious things that they can find, preferably in clashing colors and in excessive number of layers, sometimes it can actually be quite impressive that they manage to have on such a vast amount of clothing, to say nothing of their accessories.

[Seraph]

Oh my god. I SAW SOMEONE WITH THAT THING ON.

One of the hikers that passed through here recently was at the post office wearing that, and everyone was just staring.

[Stryker One]

Quoth Gravekeeper

My HD is slowly perishing and is not fond of Internet browsing at the moment.

Here ya go.

Quoth Gravekeeper

SC: “No! You're a bunch of fucking crooks! You're IN LEAGUE WITH THE FUCKING JEWS! <click>"

Maybe he's just jealous, maybe he hasn't gotten laid in a LONG while, but he's actually completely cool with virgin Jews.

Quoth Gravekeeper

Technical Know How

SC: “Um, their networks are down and uh, then uh, then yesterday….and I can’t, I won’t be able too…uh, I tried to log one of them out there, and uh….its not responding to the….uh….when I log in there….I won’t be able too. It’s not….uh…its not….I guess they didn’t log out there? They logged in instead of logging out? Uh…..yesterday they uh-“

Allow me to provide you with some advice: In the future when you call about a problem, it’s perfectly okay to say “I DON’T KNOW IT BROKEN”. That’s fine, I can work from that. It’s simple, to the point and you won’t give yourself an aneurysm trying to explain powers that are clearly far beyond your comprehension. In fact, here, I can even give you some guidelines to work with:

If you’re trying to figure out the problem with a computer, and your conclusion is “OH GOD COMPUTER R MAGIC” then it’s okay to just say its broken and you don’t know what happened or why. There’s no shame in it. At least, no shame you can perceive as I will only make fun of you behind your back to my peers.

Sounds like you have just encountered a Pakled. Just be glad you didn't have to go to them.

[Mr Hero]

Quoth Jester

JESTER: "Dude, something's wrong with my computer."
MR. ANTI-SOCIAL: "What is it?"

It's an electronic device with a mouse and keyboard. But that's not important.