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Met a super secret top security clearence guy...

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  • #1

    Met a super secret top security clearence guy...

    Guys call comes in on the Lost/Stolen Line, meaning they just by passed the enter your card number to get to a live person.

    Cast:

    Me
    Crazy super secret top clearance guy (CG for short)

    Me: Thank you for calling (my company) this is Sarlon are you calling to report a lost or stolen card?

    CG: Yeah I don't have a card since I lost it....can you look it up by something else?

    Me: Certainly...I can look it up by your Social Security Number....(he gives it) alright thank you and how can I help you today?

    CG: Yeah, um apperently this is the way the government is gonna be paying me for all the top Secret missions that I did for them, um can you tell me how much is in this account? The account number is 1245154110000000023261142012554812614.

    me: I'm sorry sir, but we don't handle personal accounts this is only for State Disability....

    CG: nono you don't understand the government is finally paying me for all the top secret work I did for them....but instead of it being put into a check....its being put into this card....and the account number is 1245154110000000023261142012554812614. Supposed to have a few billion dollars in it since thats what they promised me! but since your in the conspiracy to keep my money from me I no longer want to talk to you!
    *click*

    5 minutes later my co worker sitting near me gets him again and gets an even bigger laugh cause now that the balance only shows $250 its a conspiracy to steal all his hard earned money from all the top secret work he did for the government.
    It is by snark alone I set my mind in motion. It is by the juice of the coffee bean that thoughts acquire 'tude, the lips acquire mouthiness, the glares become a warning.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Quoth Sarlon View Post
    me: I'm sorry sir, but we don't handle personal accounts this is only for State Disability....
    You could have responded, "I'm sorry sir, but I am unable to look up that account because I do not have crazy super secret top clearance."

    On the other hand, he does appear to have a mental disablility.
    "I don't have to be petty. The Universe does that for me."

    Comment

    • #3
      Me an mah buddy Chip stole all thet squirrel's nuts... 'Cept for the one between 'is ears.
      I am not an a**hole. I am a hemorrhoid. I irritate a**holes!
      Procrastination: Forward planning to insure there is something to do tomorrow.
      Derails threads faster than a pocket nuke.

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      • #4
        Methinks that was Secret Squirrel. "grin" There's a man who leads a life of danger...with every mission, he gets stranger...
        Friends help you move. Rare friends help you move bodies.

        Comment

        • #5
          Sir...Sir! You were specifically instructed not to call this line! They're monitoring all of your calls, now we're all....*loud WHAM* SHIT! They've found us! *sounds of gunfire and screams* *line goes dead*
          "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
          "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
          "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
          "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
          "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
          "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
          Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
          "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

          Comment

          • #6
            What's really in his account?

            Oh, yeah...$250.00


            And a secret decoder ring.
            When you start at zero, everything's progress.

            Comment

            • #7
              Quoth MoonCat View Post
              And a secret decoder ring.
              "Be... Sure... To... Drink... Your... Ovaltine?"
              PWNADE(TM) - Serve up a glass today! | PWNZER - An act of pwnage so awesome, it's like the victim got hit by a tank.

              There are only Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because I choose to walk!

              Comment

              • #8
                $250? I guess they don't pay those uber-top secret guys much these days.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Quoth MoonCat View Post
                  What's really in his account?

                  Oh, yeah...$250.00

                  And a secret decoder ring.
                  Quoth Jay 2K Winger
                  "Be... Sure... To... Drink... Your... Ovaltine?"
                  "A crummy $250.00?...Sonofab!"

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    I could use $250.
                    I'm bringing disdain back...with a vengeance.

                    Oh, and your tool box called...you got out again.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth Ironclad Alibi View Post
                      On the other hand, he does appear to have a mental disablility.
                      That was my thought, I assume you can draw disability benefits for mental as well as physical disabilities, I think we can safely guess which he has.
                      (ok, absolutely not making fun of mental disabilities, but c'mon, loony delusions are funny).


                      Quoth lobo94 View Post
                      There's a man who leads a life of danger...with every mission, he gets stranger...
                      Ok, now I've got Johnny Rivers singing "Secret Agent Man" in my head, and I've a feeling it's gonna be there all day now. Maybe I'll go watch my boxed set of The Prisoner DVD's.......

                      Maybe his "billions" on his card are only accessible at The Village.......

                      Madness takes it's toll....
                      Please have exact change ready.

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Merriwether, I'll let you keep The Prisoner all for yourself if I get to keep Napoleon Solo.

                        Apparently Mr. DangerSuirrel doesn't understand that to be a secret agent requires *gasp* secrecy.
                        Human Resources - the adult version of "I'm telling Mom." - Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo (NCIS)

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                          Apparently Mr. DangerSuirrel doesn't understand that to be a secret agent requires *gasp* secrecy.
                          Maybe he works out of Nunavut...*mumbles* "the passcode is....hot pink camo "
                          "For a musician, the SNES sound engine is like using Crayola Crayons. Nobuo Uematsu used Crayola Crayons to paint the Sistine Chapel." - Jeremy Jahns (re: "Dancing Mad")
                          "The difference between an amateur and a master is that the master has failed way more times." - JoCat
                          "Thinking is difficult, therefore let the herd pronounce judgment!" ~ Carl Jung
                          "There's burning bridges, and then there's the lake just to fill it with gasoline." - Wiccy, reddit
                          "Retail is a cruel master, and could very well be the most educational time of many people's lives, in its own twisted way." - me
                          "Love keeps her in the air when she oughta fall down...tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens...makes her a home." - Capt. Malcolm Reynolds, "Serenity" (2005)
                          Acts of Gord – Read it, Learn it, Love it!
                          "Our psychic powers only work if the customer has a mind to read." - me

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            I have at least one customer claim that he wouldn't give me any ID because he was employed by "the government" in an "undisclosible" field.

                            Uh huh...

                            Methinks if you really WERE a secret agent the first condition of your secret employment would be that you, ya know, KEEP IT SECRET.

                            I told him no ID, no car, and he forked it over.
                            - They say nothing good happens at 2AM, they're right, I happen at 2AM.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Quoth DGoddessChardonnay View Post
                              Merriwether, I'll let you keep The Prisoner all for yourself if I get to keep Napoleon Solo.

                              Apparently Mr. DangerSuirrel doesn't understand that to be a secret agent requires *gasp* secrecy.
                              Neither did Austin Powers. I mean, a psychedelic-painted 747 that was also his flying bachelor pad?

                              "strokes his cat, 'Ms Bigglesworth,' as he decides which of his underlings will be used to set an example that failure will not be tolerated by this organization."
                              Friends help you move. Rare friends help you move bodies.

                              Comment

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