I've been using someone elses connection!
"Now compensate me!"
I shit you not, kiddies, I just got this call.
Me: Thank you for calling big ass communications company, this is Redbeard
SC: I am PISSED!
Me: Sorry to hear that your upset, is this guy who wants free stuff?
SC: Yes it is! I just found out that I've been using my neighbors connection for the past 5 months and that I don't even have wirelesss! You're going to fix that and compensate me!
Me: Well, I can absolutely get you a wireless gateway, you just take your modem to this office at 123 anywhere st and swap it out for the upgraded wireless at no extra charge. However, we don't compensate customers for not using their services, so I would not be able to get you a credit (The last part said in my non-condescending "You're not pulling shit on me" voice)
SC: Oh..okay then. I'll go pick it up. 123 Anywhere St?
Me: that's right, they're open for 2 more hours, I've already got the upgrade in the system and waiting for you.
SC: Okay then, bye!
The guy was completely cheereful at the end, but I made sure to leave extra notes detailing that I said NO CREDITS. I mean...come on now, you do something..well, not stupid, but careless, and you want to be PAID for it?!