Darwin Awards

[morgana]

Now that I'm a couple of days away from it, maybe I can finally post this without shaking.

See the title? I came within inches of handing out four of those Friday night. Through no fault of my own, mind you. From the sheer, raging, catclysmic stupidity of two different people in the space of less than ten minutes.

Background: I spent the weekend driving, loading, and unloading a 14-foot UHaul truck. The northbound lane of the highway I had to take was being repaved (asphalted, actually) while I was driving southbound. The highway's down to one lane where they're asphaulting, so the southbound lane I was in was stopped for a few minutes. When they let us go again, we wind up driving past the guys who are asphaulting the other lane. End background.

So we (the southbounders) are only moving at about ten miles an hour, and we're keeping well to the outer edge of our lane. Thank all the gods there are, because one of the pavers WALKS OUT INTO OUR LANE. Not just, "Oh, I have to get past something and I'll get back to where I'm working." Nope. Right out in front of the 14-foot truck going 10 mph. The huge heavy side mirror missed his head by the length of my thumbnail. That's not an exaggeration; if I'd been an inch further over, I'd have taken his head *off*.

Okay, I missed him. Doesn't mean I'm not shaking with reaction; I was damned near having a heart attack. But there's nowhere for me to pull off and have kittens, so . . .

Keep driving, Morgana.

Okay this is already long. I'm gonna break here and come back for the second lunatic.

[morgana]

Okay, we're past the idiot asphaulter. Morgana has NOT had a stroke.

Back to lunatic #2.

Ahead of me in the line when we stopped is a small powder-blue convertible. Think Volkswagon size. Three occupants, just relaxing, head-banging to whatever they're listening to, having an easy drive.

When we start up again, mindful of being in a large vehicle, I keep well back from them. This turned out to be a very good thing. Because about three miles later, the driver spots a motorcyclist waiting on a side road for traffic to pass so he can pull onto the highway.

And she stops, to wave him onto the highway ahead of her. I can see her arm waving. Because, OH MY GOD, SHE'S STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY AND I AM TOO DAMNED CLOSE!!!!

I don't know whether it was the squeal of my brakes as I stood on them, the look of horror on the motorcyclist's face, or whether she could hear me screaming, but the idiot floored her accelerator and got moving again just about two feet before I'd have punted the little tiny car right off the road. And kept flooring it, apparently, because by the time I got up to highway speed again, she was nowhere in sight. Thank the gods, because at that point I was considering . . .

Never mind.

How was your weekend?

[Merriweather]

Hope you were able to sit with the drink of your choice as soon as the monster truck got taken back.

What is it people cannot grasp about a big truck needs more room to stop than your average compact car? And while you can assume that the person driving a big truck making deliveries is at least trained & experienced at driving (& stopping) that truck, if the side of the truck has U-Haul written in 10 foot high letters, it's screaming out the fact that the person driving it has more than likely had little or no experience with trying to stop a vehicle of that size at all, let alone quickly enough for you to be able to do stupid things in front of it.

I always give extra room & consideration to rental trucks (and in the UK, to anything with an "L" plate).

The second lady especially was an idiot no matter who was behind her. I admit, if I'm in literally crawling traffic, with a huge line behind me, I will hold back and let someone come out of a driveway (just as I will hold back to keep an intersection clear). But stopping when traffic is moving steadily, even if slowly??? Good grief.