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Ok one of the hazards of working in my line of customer service is that I inevitably have to deal with busloads of seniors. The far and away VAST majority of these folks are WONDERFUL to deal with. Really! They are interesting to chat with, they love to travel and 75% of the time have nothing but wonderful to say about the place I work. 24.9% of the time they have an issue, but one that is easily solved leaving them happy and me with a warm fuzzy about making someone's vacation a bit better.
I wish that was the end of the story, but since we're all here we KNOW it won't be.
First, and not really even a customer suck, when the buses unload, EVERYONE from the bus heads straight to their room, and calls me for a wake up call. The suck only comes around with the ones that just can wrap their heads around the idea that they aren't the only person calling for a wake up, then get mad because they either have to wait for me to answer the phone, or better have their call transferred back to the switch board. Of course, the majority of the reason for this is the wonderful in-duh-viduals who call down not sure of either their room number -OR- what time they actually want the wake up call for. How the hell do you call for a wake up call without knowing WHEN you want to be woken up? While they're dithering in the background I put them on hold to help the rest of the mongol horde, and when I come back they are SEVERLY pissed because I didn't sit there listening to Edith and Winifred discuss the various benefits and negatives of getting a 6:15am vs 6:20am wake up call.
Baggage Confusion
I understand that the concept of putting your baggage outside your room so it can be collected and loaded on the bus MAY be a foreign concept for some. But really, its just putting your bag outside your room so it can be collected and loaded on the bus. All you need to do... is put it outside your room at the right time.
Enter Beulah. She is very confused with this whole thing. She calls the front desk at 4am with questions. It seems that she might have been up all night worrying about the disposition of her luggage...
Italics is what's running through my head...
Beulah "Should I leave my bags outside my room before I go to breakfast?"
OK maybe she is unclear about what time her bus is leaving and is wondering what time to put her bags out. Before breakfast which starts at 6:30am and runs until 10am, or after she eats, if she has a later departure.
Me - "Well I don't know what time your groups bags are getting picked up..."
Guest - "Well I don't want to leave without my bags..."
Really?? Get right the F&*$ out of town! most people WANT to leave their bags behind.
Me - "Understandably... but your tour leader should have told you what to do with your bags and when..."
Really lady, I don't know what YOUR itinerary is. I am here to operate the hotel, NOT keep tabs on the comings and goings of all of my approximately 200 guest rooms.
Guest - "Well I have this paper that says to leave your bags outside your room before going to breakfast... and we're going to breakfast at 7am..."
Dear god. REALLY?
Me - "Uhh... I'd probably go with that then?"
Guest - "Oh, ok then. I just wanted to make sure I didn't leave without my bags." -CLICK-
I hate my life.
In Need of a Thesaurus too...
Sheets - "Um... I need an extra bedsheet."
Me - Wow, THAT'S an unusual request... "Do you need a fitted sheet? Or one of the top sheets?" Is there something wrong with your current sheets? Is there something that needs fixed.
Sheets - "No! Its cold in here!"
Me - "Oh... well I'll send someone up with one as soon as I can get..."
Sheets - "Send one of those thick ones!"
Me - Tha fuc... thick shee... "A blanket?"
Sheets - "Yeah!"
The Cafeteria!
Ok Look. We are in a hotel, not a high school. The place where we serve food? Its a restaurant, not a cafeteria. I know, I know, the concept that a hotel MIGHT have a restaurant attached is foreign and scary, but trust me. Its not a cafeteria.
COMPLICATED elevator!!
Elmer is standing at the front desk with me.
Elmer - "What button do I press in the elevator, I'm on the 3rd floor."
Me - You got down here, and are lost not 5 minutes later? "You... mean to get back to your room?"
Elmer "No... which button to I press to get here."
I can't have heard that right, I can't have heard that right I can't have heardthatright
Me - "Excuse me?"
Elmer - "I want to know what button I need to press in the elevator to get here."
::Brain screeches to a halt... its dark and scary in here::
Shit.
Me - "Uh... the first floor?"
And what the hell do you mean, "to get here" YOU ARE here. You could always try this new idea, its called... you know, the SAME WAY you got here LAST TIME.
Elmer - "Well... I took the elevator to the 2nd floor."
Ok... look we're on the FIRST FLOOR. If you got off the elevator on the second floor, you either 1) took the STAIRS down to the first floor which should indicate the proper floor 2) Fell through a hole in the floor somewhere, hit your head and forgot the fall or 3) Aren't ACTUALLY here.
Me - "Oh... well... we're on the first floor."
Elmer - "So... I'd hit the first floor button?"
Seriously?! We have three floors. THREE floors. If you started on the third floor, ruled out the second floor, that doesn't really leave a WHOLE LOT of choices Does it? I mean of the THREE options you've already ruled out two. What else is even left?!
Me - "Yeah... pretty much."
My Room's Not Ready?!?!
Most hotels have a check in and a check out time. They have this for a reason, its not because we like the quiet times between guests. Its also not because we love to have free time where we can romp naked and free in the halls without guests to get in the way. No, during these hours we are very busy. Cleaning rooms, prepping the building, and basically getting ready for all the lovely folks who will be coming in to the hotel that day at 3pm when check-ins start.
Now all that said, if you have a special need, we might be able to check you in early. If you are a bus group and have ARRANGED for an early arrival too, we can USUALLY bust our humps and have everything ready before you arrive. If your bus JUST SHOWS UP before your scheduled and pre-arranged check in time? Well. You're probably Shit Out of Luck. We're still going to rush to get the rooms ready and all, but you will PROBABLY need to, at the very least, wait a bit while we finish the rooms up.
Myrtle's bus showed up THREE HOURS early. As in the guests in those rooms the night before had only just left about an hour ago. Fortunately some rooms were already clean, and we were able to put a rush on the others to get them clean ASAP.
Myrtle wasn't happy.
Myrtle - "WHY isn't my room ready!?"
We were JUST over this with your tourguide, AND we made an announcement to the group before you loaded off the bus.
Me - "I'm sorry Ma'am your bus arrived three hours early, we didn't expect you here for a while. The rooms WOULD HAVE been ready, but since you are so early..."
Myrtle - ::Healthy dose of catbutt:: HMPH!
5 Minutes later
Myrtle - "Our rooms aren't ready yet?!"
Sure, 5 minutes 23 rooms, no problems right?
Me - "No ma'am, we have all of our house keepers..."
Myrtle - "This is unacceptable! I want my room now."
You can want in one hand and defecate in the other, see which gets filled first.
Me - "They aren't ready yet. Your bus got here 3 hours early."
Myrtle - "I can't believe the rooms aren't ready. What kind of hotel is this?!"
The kind that only wants guests checked into clean rooms... but we all know that logic and reason have left the building.
Me - ...
Myrtle - "I want to know what you're going to DO about this."
What I should do is send your stupid ass back on the bus to come back in THREE HOURS when your rooms would have been ready if you showed up on time.
Me - "The housekeepers are working as fast as they can Ma'am, the rooms should be ready soon."
Myrtle - ::Stink eye::
Me - ::Blank look::
Myrtle - ::Stinkier Stink Eye::
Me - "Anything else I can help you with?"
Myrtle - "You didn't help me AT ALL!"
Me - "Allrighty then! You have a great day! We'll let you know as soon as the rooms are ready then!" ::Turns back to my work::
It is ALSO worth pointing out that the REST OF the bus either went (as part of a rather long line) to find the bar, and pass the time pleasantly with a nice drink. Or had settled into the lounge to watch some TV, or were sitting in the restaurant overflow chatting pleasantly. Nope... Myrtle was the only one on a bus of 50 people who couldn't fathom WHY a hotel wouldn't be ready for a BUS load of seniors who had arrived 3 HOURS before we told them we'd be ready.
I wish that was the end of the story, but since we're all here we KNOW it won't be.
First, and not really even a customer suck, when the buses unload, EVERYONE from the bus heads straight to their room, and calls me for a wake up call. The suck only comes around with the ones that just can wrap their heads around the idea that they aren't the only person calling for a wake up, then get mad because they either have to wait for me to answer the phone, or better have their call transferred back to the switch board. Of course, the majority of the reason for this is the wonderful in-duh-viduals who call down not sure of either their room number -OR- what time they actually want the wake up call for. How the hell do you call for a wake up call without knowing WHEN you want to be woken up? While they're dithering in the background I put them on hold to help the rest of the mongol horde, and when I come back they are SEVERLY pissed because I didn't sit there listening to Edith and Winifred discuss the various benefits and negatives of getting a 6:15am vs 6:20am wake up call.
Baggage Confusion
I understand that the concept of putting your baggage outside your room so it can be collected and loaded on the bus MAY be a foreign concept for some. But really, its just putting your bag outside your room so it can be collected and loaded on the bus. All you need to do... is put it outside your room at the right time.
Enter Beulah. She is very confused with this whole thing. She calls the front desk at 4am with questions. It seems that she might have been up all night worrying about the disposition of her luggage...
Italics is what's running through my head...
Beulah "Should I leave my bags outside my room before I go to breakfast?"
OK maybe she is unclear about what time her bus is leaving and is wondering what time to put her bags out. Before breakfast which starts at 6:30am and runs until 10am, or after she eats, if she has a later departure.
Me - "Well I don't know what time your groups bags are getting picked up..."
Guest - "Well I don't want to leave without my bags..."
Really?? Get right the F&*$ out of town! most people WANT to leave their bags behind.
Me - "Understandably... but your tour leader should have told you what to do with your bags and when..."
Really lady, I don't know what YOUR itinerary is. I am here to operate the hotel, NOT keep tabs on the comings and goings of all of my approximately 200 guest rooms.
Guest - "Well I have this paper that says to leave your bags outside your room before going to breakfast... and we're going to breakfast at 7am..."
Dear god. REALLY?
Me - "Uhh... I'd probably go with that then?"
Guest - "Oh, ok then. I just wanted to make sure I didn't leave without my bags." -CLICK-
I hate my life.
In Need of a Thesaurus too...
Sheets - "Um... I need an extra bedsheet."
Me - Wow, THAT'S an unusual request... "Do you need a fitted sheet? Or one of the top sheets?" Is there something wrong with your current sheets? Is there something that needs fixed.
Sheets - "No! Its cold in here!"
Me - "Oh... well I'll send someone up with one as soon as I can get..."
Sheets - "Send one of those thick ones!"
Me - Tha fuc... thick shee... "A blanket?"
Sheets - "Yeah!"
The Cafeteria!
Ok Look. We are in a hotel, not a high school. The place where we serve food? Its a restaurant, not a cafeteria. I know, I know, the concept that a hotel MIGHT have a restaurant attached is foreign and scary, but trust me. Its not a cafeteria.
COMPLICATED elevator!!
Elmer is standing at the front desk with me.
Elmer - "What button do I press in the elevator, I'm on the 3rd floor."
Me - You got down here, and are lost not 5 minutes later? "You... mean to get back to your room?"
Elmer "No... which button to I press to get here."
I can't have heard that right, I can't have heard that right I can't have heardthatright
Me - "Excuse me?"
Elmer - "I want to know what button I need to press in the elevator to get here."
::Brain screeches to a halt... its dark and scary in here::
Shit.
Me - "Uh... the first floor?"
And what the hell do you mean, "to get here" YOU ARE here. You could always try this new idea, its called... you know, the SAME WAY you got here LAST TIME.
Elmer - "Well... I took the elevator to the 2nd floor."
Ok... look we're on the FIRST FLOOR. If you got off the elevator on the second floor, you either 1) took the STAIRS down to the first floor which should indicate the proper floor 2) Fell through a hole in the floor somewhere, hit your head and forgot the fall or 3) Aren't ACTUALLY here.
Me - "Oh... well... we're on the first floor."
Elmer - "So... I'd hit the first floor button?"
Seriously?! We have three floors. THREE floors. If you started on the third floor, ruled out the second floor, that doesn't really leave a WHOLE LOT of choices Does it? I mean of the THREE options you've already ruled out two. What else is even left?!
Me - "Yeah... pretty much."
My Room's Not Ready?!?!
Most hotels have a check in and a check out time. They have this for a reason, its not because we like the quiet times between guests. Its also not because we love to have free time where we can romp naked and free in the halls without guests to get in the way. No, during these hours we are very busy. Cleaning rooms, prepping the building, and basically getting ready for all the lovely folks who will be coming in to the hotel that day at 3pm when check-ins start.
Now all that said, if you have a special need, we might be able to check you in early. If you are a bus group and have ARRANGED for an early arrival too, we can USUALLY bust our humps and have everything ready before you arrive. If your bus JUST SHOWS UP before your scheduled and pre-arranged check in time? Well. You're probably Shit Out of Luck. We're still going to rush to get the rooms ready and all, but you will PROBABLY need to, at the very least, wait a bit while we finish the rooms up.
Myrtle's bus showed up THREE HOURS early. As in the guests in those rooms the night before had only just left about an hour ago. Fortunately some rooms were already clean, and we were able to put a rush on the others to get them clean ASAP.
Myrtle wasn't happy.
Myrtle - "WHY isn't my room ready!?"
We were JUST over this with your tourguide, AND we made an announcement to the group before you loaded off the bus.
Me - "I'm sorry Ma'am your bus arrived three hours early, we didn't expect you here for a while. The rooms WOULD HAVE been ready, but since you are so early..."
Myrtle - ::Healthy dose of catbutt:: HMPH!
5 Minutes later
Myrtle - "Our rooms aren't ready yet?!"
Sure, 5 minutes 23 rooms, no problems right?
Me - "No ma'am, we have all of our house keepers..."
Myrtle - "This is unacceptable! I want my room now."
You can want in one hand and defecate in the other, see which gets filled first.
Me - "They aren't ready yet. Your bus got here 3 hours early."
Myrtle - "I can't believe the rooms aren't ready. What kind of hotel is this?!"
The kind that only wants guests checked into clean rooms... but we all know that logic and reason have left the building.
Me - ...
Myrtle - "I want to know what you're going to DO about this."
What I should do is send your stupid ass back on the bus to come back in THREE HOURS when your rooms would have been ready if you showed up on time.
Me - "The housekeepers are working as fast as they can Ma'am, the rooms should be ready soon."
Myrtle - ::Stink eye::
Me - ::Blank look::
Myrtle - ::Stinkier Stink Eye::
Me - "Anything else I can help you with?"
Myrtle - "You didn't help me AT ALL!"
Me - "Allrighty then! You have a great day! We'll let you know as soon as the rooms are ready then!" ::Turns back to my work::
It is ALSO worth pointing out that the REST OF the bus either went (as part of a rather long line) to find the bar, and pass the time pleasantly with a nice drink. Or had settled into the lounge to watch some TV, or were sitting in the restaurant overflow chatting pleasantly. Nope... Myrtle was the only one on a bus of 50 people who couldn't fathom WHY a hotel wouldn't be ready for a BUS load of seniors who had arrived 3 HOURS before we told them we'd be ready.
until you go away" isn't appropriate...
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