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  • Pond scum

    I normally don't have SC stories from the paper route, but I have two quick ones, and one from the motel.

    Your house number is where?!?!

    Please, for the love of God, have a visible house number somewhere where I can find it. Not just for paper carriers or pizza guys, but, ya know, EMS. I have seen plenty of lost EMS early in the morning. They don't have magical house-finding diving rods or anything like that. If I can't find your place, EMS can't. If the house numbers aren't clearly readable in the dark, at the very least I should be able to see where they are so I know where to shine my flashlight to read them. <end rant>

    A couple mornings ago, I got a new subscriber. From what I could tell, there are no house numbers anywhere on this house. Their mailbox is in a cluster with other mailboxes across the street. Fortunately, there are only two houses on this block on that side of the street, and the other one has nice, clear numbers, so by process of elimination, it's the other one.

    Today, they left the door to their mudroom open, and I saw the doorbell and a teeny, tiny plaque above it (about 2" by 4" or so). And it dawned on me, that that was probably their house number. Inside the mudroom, not visible from the exterior at all. I could not have read it from the street even if I illuminated it with my flashlight, it was too small, and if the door wasn't left open it was impossible to see.

    Going for a dip

    One of my customers wants me to toss the paper in their yard. Two problems with this: (1) they have a six-foot gate which is locked at night, and hedges that are about eight feet tall and at least four feet thick, rendering their yard an impenetrable fortress and forcing me to throw blind, and (2) they have a pond.

    Apparently, I landed it in the pond yesterday. Apparently, I've landed it in the pond several times, actually. Until this morning, I heard nothing of it, when I got a nasty complaint. Well, actually, I did get a complaint...three years ago, at which point I adjusted the angle I was throwing at and heard nothing else, so I figured I was good.

    But no, it can't be tossed in their driveway like everyone else. It has to be in the yard. And Google Maps doesn't give me a good satellite view, so I can't see where this supposed pond is (I tried three years ago when I got the complaint them to use satellite view to try and see in their yard...just my luck they seem to be right where images are getting stitched together so it's all blurry). It just annoys me that (1) they wait a while to complain and (2) they expect me to have xray vision to see through their hedges.

    Not a doggie daycare

    One from the motel:

    I understand you want to bring Fido along with you. Hell, I'm bringing my Fido to the motel with me tonight! However, even if your dog is the sweetest and quietest thing at home, when they're in a strange motel room and you aren't there, they can get anxious, and bark. That's why we ask that you not leave Fido in the room unattended.

    Because, my dear SC, while you were out, your dog barked nonstop for several hours. And your neighbor was upset. And I had nowhere to move her to, and will likely have to refund her today, because you were gone, and your cellphone was off, and I wasn't about to go confront a strange, anxious, large dog on my own.

    Their neighbor actually said she was going to call the police since I couldn't do anything. Fortunately, SC returned shortly thereafter and the dog quieted down (or so I presume). (Though I'm not sure what the police would have done about it...)
    Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  • #2
    Quoth bhskittykatt View Post
    And Google Maps doesn't give me a good satellite view, so I can't see where this supposed pond is (I tried three years ago when I got the complaint them to use satellite view to try and see in their yard...just my luck they seem to be right where images are getting stitched together so it's all blurry).
    Try using Bing.com's birdseye view on their maps. It's got much better detail quality since they actually use helicopter imaging rather than satellite for the close shots.
    Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb. - exmocaptainmoroni

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    • #3
      Quoth bhskittykatt View Post
      (Though I'm not sure what the police would have done about it...)
      Probably tasered it.
      Why do they make Superglue but not Batglue?

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      • #4
        Quoth Zoom View Post
        Probably tasered it.
        HA! I put down my drink before I read this! NO SPIT-TAKE FOR YOU!
        My Writing Blog -Updated 05/06/2013
        It's so I can get ideas out of my head, I decided to put it in a blog in case people are bored or are curious as to the (many) things in progress.

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        • #5
          But no, it can't be tossed in their driveway like everyone else. It has to be in the yard.
          I'm almost wondering if that's on purpose so that they can whine and get refunds

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          • #6
            Quoth bhskittykatt View Post
            Today, they left the door to their mudroom open, and I saw the doorbell and a teeny, tiny plaque above it (about 2" by 4" or so). And it dawned on me, that that was probably their house number.
            Sounds like someone enclosed a porch and didn't think that maybe, just maybe, they need to relocate their house number and door bell...

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