But we haven't invented transporter beams yet!

[Sapphire Silk]

Besides my parents? Probably my dogs.

If I come home and find Abby or Buddy checking the email on my laptop, I'm RICH!!!

As in retiring from the litter box and hitting the talk show circuit rich.

I find Taz on my laptop all the time. All kinds of things typed into it.

Haven't found Shakespeare yet, but any day now . . . .

[Ironclad Alibi]

My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I like it!

That works out to 1 mile per 504 gallons (3 inches per gallon)! What kind of engine do you have in that tow truck?

[Racket_Man]

We need to invent some transporter beams. But seriously, who DOESN'T have an email address these days???

There are some of my customers that I would REALLY like to just Fax or e-mail a pizza to

[An Haddock]

My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I like it!

I had to send a letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail... and I was too late for the 4:30 autogyro!

[protege]

We need to invent some transporter beams.

Oh if I had one...I'd probably beam certain people into walls, put their heads on backwards (I'm sure everyone remembers that scene in Spaceballs!), etc. What? Don't tell me you haven't thought of that, you lying bastards

[ADeMartino]

Oh if I had one...I'd probably beam certain people into walls, put their heads on backwards (I'm sure everyone remembers that scene in Spaceballs!), etc. What? Don't tell me you haven't thought of that, you lying bastards

Alternative Anatomical Configuration? Oh, yes, indeed I have. And that's MISTER Lying Bastard to you, bub......

[wolfie]

My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I like it!

That works out to 1 mile per 504 gallons (3 inches per gallon)! What kind of engine do you have in that tow truck?

Where do you get 504 gallons in a hogshead? When I checked Wikipedia, it said a hogshead (beer measure - wine is different) was 54 imperial gallons. BTW, it's not Argabarga's tow truck that gets lousy fuel economy, it's Abe Simpson's car (Simpsons reference was in the Wikipedia entry). My car gets around 320 furlongs per firkin.

[Ironclad Alibi]

Where do you get 504 gallons in a hogshead? When I checked Wikipedia, it said a hogshead (beer measure - wine is different) was 54 imperial gallons.

40 rods to the hogshead

1 rod (survey) = 16.5 feet (US)
40 rods = 660 feet
660 feet = 0.125 mile = 1/8 mile

1 hogshead (US) = 63 gallons (US, liquid)

1/8 mile per 63 gallons = 1 mile per 504 gallons

Above conversions are from Online Conversion.

[PepperElf]

So, if you don't have an email address or fax machine it's pretty much impossible for me to get you anything in writing today. Bonus points if you want it to be more than a form letter. Or have specific legal phrases that your bank is requiring.

No, I'm not going to drive a letter across town to you. Yes, I understand that your refi/short sale/quitclaim scheme might fail if you don't have this letter today. If it was that important to you, you would have planned for this ahead of time and gotten the documentation you needed. Yes, I'm sure that you've been quite busy in the past two months.

No, (and everybody say it together) failure to plan on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on my part.

No... if he needs it THAT badly HE can drive his lazy ass out to YOU to pick it up.

Oh... I guess he doesn't need it that badly eh?