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So, seven years and two jobs ago, I used to work in a call center of sorts. It was a paging service actually, but we did a lot of overnight emergency lines for, well, everything. I've had a fair amount of time to think these past weeks (which is a whole other... thing), so I've been remembering some of the real gems we had.
These range the gamut from emergency lift (elevator) stoppages, with people inside, to what I think was some sort of company that set up equipment for seminars.
I've posted about a few of the really horrible ones before, but these are shorter, if not really any sweeter.
Suffocation
You know what? I commiserate with you, nuns. You are trapped in a little silver box with no way out, and, being claustraphobic myself, I understand that panic may set in. I've been in the situation myself.
At no point did I think that a lift for a 4 story building would be sealed to such a degree that it would be air tight. You are not, in fact, going to suffocate in there. The oxygen supply was not reliant on the lift moving up and down.
Remember to bring a book next time you get in a lift, or at least a pamphlet or something.
Why Yes, I Do Wait To The Last Minute
So, let's get this straight. You waited until the last minute - 10:30 PM on a Friday, in fact - to call in and organize the equipment for your presentation. You need a projector, screen, sound system, the whole deal, and you need it all there and set up in less than 12 hours?
I did not laugh at you only because I do not have a mute button.
Said I'd call the tech (who was only on duty should something with their equipment go wrong on a late night whatever) and see if there was anything that could be done, but we were a paging service so I certainly couldn't promise anything.
This, of course, translated to "the guy on the phone promised me you could do this" when the tech called her. The tech did laugh at her.
'Tis The Season
Ooookay? You're picking up the phone line in the lift you're in, ignoring my greeting asking what the issue is, and singing Christmas Carols at me. I appreciate the singing, as it broke up the monotony, but as this is an emergency line, I can only inform you this is for serious emergencies only and hang up on you.
They ignored that too, and I only regret that they were getting to the good bit.
Wake Him Up
It's a personal pager, lady. I can pass on your message, but if I call him now, he will find and gut me tomorrow, seeing as it's the middle of the night.
No, I won't give you his number.
Uh... okay, I will pass on that message. "Go fuck yourself, you dirty bastard."
Kinda surprised I didn't get in trouble for sending that one. He must have deserved it.
'Tis The Season 2 : The Seasoning
Ah, more delightful caroling. For forms sake, I still try to ask you what the emergency is. You still sing. I still hang up.
No Heat
Okay, you're calling me with an honest emergency. You didn't get gas delviered to your house (no pipeline to the house, just a tank out back). It's pretty damn cold. You really need heat.
I will be glad to help you if you just shut the fuck up so I can get your details. I know you're angry, and really want to do something, but please shut up.
My Bad
I had been trying to contact this customer all evening with an emergency call. As there were 20-30 still coming in, and he wasn't answering, I was understandably frustrated, and also, apparently, tired.
That's the only reason I can think that I said "will you answer your fucking phone" out loud, and after the beep on his voicemail.
Got written up for that one, but the boss made it clear he understood.
Manager!
Hah! No, good one. It's 4 in the morning. Just me. Sure, keep trying to call back, it is still only me. I am the night shift manager though. Still won't help you.
Big emergency? I refused to call a customer we no longer do business with.
'Tis The Season 6: Seasons Go To Hell
After 4 more calls of carolling, it transpires that you are, in fact, stuck in the lift. I did ask you if you were. You sang at me. You do not now get to act angry that we haven't helped you yet.
The only tech on duty is two hours away. He would have been there in an hour if you hadn't spent an hour singing at me.
No, I don't know what you're going to do while you wait. Sounds like there's a good mix of guys and girls in there, though, and sounds like the drink has been flowing.
I recommend "I Spy."
There's A Reason I Was Made Night Shift Manager
Coworkers were awful. I trained them all, meticulously, on what needed to be done on the night shift.
This resulted in one guy never doing anything he needed to do on the night shift, and then claiming he did (we can check), one guy being nasty as hell to customer (okay, so you get a certain leeway on this, but please tone it down), and one guy sneaking out of the window and hitting the pub, climbing back in before his shift was over.
Not long after I left, they changed night shift to two people.
These range the gamut from emergency lift (elevator) stoppages, with people inside, to what I think was some sort of company that set up equipment for seminars.
I've posted about a few of the really horrible ones before, but these are shorter, if not really any sweeter.
Suffocation
You know what? I commiserate with you, nuns. You are trapped in a little silver box with no way out, and, being claustraphobic myself, I understand that panic may set in. I've been in the situation myself.
At no point did I think that a lift for a 4 story building would be sealed to such a degree that it would be air tight. You are not, in fact, going to suffocate in there. The oxygen supply was not reliant on the lift moving up and down.
Remember to bring a book next time you get in a lift, or at least a pamphlet or something.
Why Yes, I Do Wait To The Last Minute
So, let's get this straight. You waited until the last minute - 10:30 PM on a Friday, in fact - to call in and organize the equipment for your presentation. You need a projector, screen, sound system, the whole deal, and you need it all there and set up in less than 12 hours?
I did not laugh at you only because I do not have a mute button.
Said I'd call the tech (who was only on duty should something with their equipment go wrong on a late night whatever) and see if there was anything that could be done, but we were a paging service so I certainly couldn't promise anything.
This, of course, translated to "the guy on the phone promised me you could do this" when the tech called her. The tech did laugh at her.
'Tis The Season
Ooookay? You're picking up the phone line in the lift you're in, ignoring my greeting asking what the issue is, and singing Christmas Carols at me. I appreciate the singing, as it broke up the monotony, but as this is an emergency line, I can only inform you this is for serious emergencies only and hang up on you.
They ignored that too, and I only regret that they were getting to the good bit.
Wake Him Up
It's a personal pager, lady. I can pass on your message, but if I call him now, he will find and gut me tomorrow, seeing as it's the middle of the night.
No, I won't give you his number.
Uh... okay, I will pass on that message. "Go fuck yourself, you dirty bastard."
Kinda surprised I didn't get in trouble for sending that one. He must have deserved it.
'Tis The Season 2 : The Seasoning
Ah, more delightful caroling. For forms sake, I still try to ask you what the emergency is. You still sing. I still hang up.
No Heat
Okay, you're calling me with an honest emergency. You didn't get gas delviered to your house (no pipeline to the house, just a tank out back). It's pretty damn cold. You really need heat.
I will be glad to help you if you just shut the fuck up so I can get your details. I know you're angry, and really want to do something, but please shut up.
My Bad
I had been trying to contact this customer all evening with an emergency call. As there were 20-30 still coming in, and he wasn't answering, I was understandably frustrated, and also, apparently, tired.
That's the only reason I can think that I said "will you answer your fucking phone" out loud, and after the beep on his voicemail.
Got written up for that one, but the boss made it clear he understood.
Manager!
Hah! No, good one. It's 4 in the morning. Just me. Sure, keep trying to call back, it is still only me. I am the night shift manager though. Still won't help you.
Big emergency? I refused to call a customer we no longer do business with.
'Tis The Season 6: Seasons Go To Hell
After 4 more calls of carolling, it transpires that you are, in fact, stuck in the lift. I did ask you if you were. You sang at me. You do not now get to act angry that we haven't helped you yet.
The only tech on duty is two hours away. He would have been there in an hour if you hadn't spent an hour singing at me.
No, I don't know what you're going to do while you wait. Sounds like there's a good mix of guys and girls in there, though, and sounds like the drink has been flowing.
I recommend "I Spy."
There's A Reason I Was Made Night Shift Manager
Coworkers were awful. I trained them all, meticulously, on what needed to be done on the night shift.
This resulted in one guy never doing anything he needed to do on the night shift, and then claiming he did (we can check), one guy being nasty as hell to customer (okay, so you get a certain leeway on this, but please tone it down), and one guy sneaking out of the window and hitting the pub, climbing back in before his shift was over.
Not long after I left, they changed night shift to two people.
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