<sigh> ...My brother is destroying his life. And I made it worse.

[taxguykarl]

Personally, I wouldn't waste additional effort on her if that's her attitude. I'm praying for your Grandy and very much hope you can keep in contact through your uncle and not have to deal with mom/brother at all.

Crossbow's right about that one.

Even more concerning to me is that she considers you (and by extension your husband) to be inferior to her and then criticized your paretnting. It makes me wonder how she sees your children... I certainly wouldn't want her attitude anywhere near my children; it's too easy for them to pick up on her bad habits/ideas/attitude.

That's obviously her attitude...on what basis, I have no idea---look how her son turned out.

[protege]

Sure we're not talking about my brother here? For years, he never really had to do anything, because my mother would coddle him. No matter how badly he fucked things up, she'd support him and swallowed his lies constantly.

1. He was always an instigator. He could dish it out, but couldn't take it. I remember one time, he was having "issues" with someone at school. This guy was taking piano lessons from the woman across the street. Rather than leave well enough alone, my brother went over there to bust balls...and got his ass handed to him. Then he lied about it to my mother--he blamed the kid down the street, and tried to bring *me* into the mess...because I didn't stick up for him. Uh, it wasn't my fight--why should I? Don't want to get your ass beat? Shut the fuck up then.

2. He never has money, so he whines to our mother so she'll buy him stuff. There's never money for food...but there is for playing hockey and video games? He constantly whines about how he doesn't make as much as I do, or our other brother. Not our fault that you turned down a damn good Federal job because you didn't like desk duty. Instead you work for the county and make peanuts.

3. He moved out last year after 'several' arguments with our dad. That is, Dad was dealing with possible cancer and a serious auto accident, and has asked my brother to help out a bit more...since he couldn't do things like put the trash cans outside, carry the laundry upstairs, etc. Again, he would lie about how he was dad was being "unreasonable" by "picking on him." Uh, you're living there for practically no rent...and being asked to help out is being "unreasonable?"

...which brought us to 4., his shitty condo. This was purchased last year, even though he couldn't really afford it. I've been to the place, and yes, it's a dump. There were bugs, leaking windows, failing A/C...never mind that the 1970s called, and they want their orange shag carpet (which is in the utility room) back. He blames my mother for "forcing" him to buy the place. Somehow, I really doubt she put a gun to his head when signing the papers.

I've been to his condo a few times...and usually don't stay very long. If I do, he'll start whining about 1-4 and how none of it is his fault. I'm at the point that I can't do it anymore. I get *enough* drama at work. I'll be damned if I'm going to deal with it at home.

[taxguykarl]

Sure we're not talking about my brother here?

Every family has oneat least one. I'm almost afraid to count up my family's

He never has money, so he whines to our mother so she'll buy him stuff. There's never money for food...but there is for playing hockey and video games? He constantly whines about how he doesn't make as much as I do, or our other brother. Not our fault that you turned down a damn good Federal job because you didn't like desk duty. Instead you work for the county and make peanuts....
...which brought us to 4., his shitty condo. This was purchased last year, even though he couldn't really afford it.

Whose fault is that?!

[Seraph]

Interesting update:

My mother apologized to us a few days ago. She stated she was very sorry for what she'd done, and that she DOES need to leave me out of the middle of her fights...and (drumroll)...

....she'll start respecting us more.

With the slight stipulation that it be a two way street. Which is understandable, and husband reminded her that if its a two way street, she needs to keep that in mind.

She got upset a bit at one point and tried to claim that I was shoving "my occult interests in her face too much", and husband corrected her. He explained that me saying "If you watched a game of MTG, you wouldn't think it was evil" wasn't me trying to shove it in her face...it was me trying to give her the opportunity to be included, and to see that it wasn't as bad as she thought. She denied this, and we came to the agreement that, welp, I'll simply never speak of it again to her, and she's not allowed to say anything about it either.

We'll see what develops. For now, it's a tenuous ceasefire, and she's very, very aware that we are more than capable of radio silence for ANOTHER month, ore more, if she feels like pulling that number again.

[Andara Bledin]

Congrats on the minor victory, Seraph.

It's wonderful when people actually wake up when a wake-up call comes through.

Good luck on her sticking with it.

^-.-^

[Seraph]

I hope she does stick with it. What surprised me the most was that she actually apologized. I've literally never heard her do that to anyone that she perceived as slighting her. Never, EVER have heard her do that. In fact, when I mentioned it to a relative, he joked he was going to go make things right with God, "because that's a sure sign of the apocalypse right there".

[Pixilated]

Wow, that sounds familiar. Both my parents seemed to feel that an apology somehow translated into "HAHAHA YOU LOSE!!" and it was their #1 concern that they NOT "lose."

I can understand why your relative feels as he does.

Sounds like your mom might actually have a clue now! Hope she hangs onto it.

[Gizmo]

Wow. The psychic slap round the face we all wanted to sent her might of worked... (I hope it sticks!)

[depechemodefan]

I'm glad your mom apologized to you, Seraph, though I'm expecting you to be side-swiped by her soon.

I think apolgizing for hitting/slapping your brother was correct. Hitting people is never right (of course, defending your life is ok). It's also a double standard. If your brother hit you either your DH would take care of him with either a machete or kicking him out, or the police would have been called. Also, the kids, though in another room, might have heard it. Kids should never hear people hitting other people, even family members. Apologizing shows that you know it was wrong. It also shows you are an adult that take responsibility. Your brother probably won't remember the apology; he probably told everyone he knows that you are a wacko who is always hitting him, so please sympathize with the hard life he's had

It did seem hopeful before your mom arrived that your brother would be alright-he wasn't causing a scene and everyone was getting along. But he is a big baby; there are too many people who just refuse to do anything for themselves and expect everyone to do stuff for him. Hopefully he will wise up, but it isn't your concern. I have a cousin who is schizophrenic; he lives with his mom's support but he at least tries to work (doing yard work).

[taxguykarl]

Wow. The psychic slap round the face we all wanted to sent her might of worked... (I hope it sticks!)

For some reason, I have a hard time believing that this will last.

[BlaqueKatt]

Every family has oneat least one. I'm almost afraid to count up my family's

I have one(older sister, my mom's merely a whackjob), hubs has most of his family

[mjr]

Maybe somebody should have told Seraph's brother this (WARNING: Strong language! NSFW!!):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5edUp237fs

And the full scene...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TS1v7m6tgs0