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  • Just... fail.

    I've been wanting to post but unable to think of the words to say. The last few weeks have been hard for me. The weekend before Halloween I was out visiting family and stopped by the senior living center my grandmother was staying at. She's 94, has mild dementia, and has always been plagued with heart issues and anxiety that exacerbate her heart troubles. She was having a good day, awake and alert though some of the things she was saying weren't quite right (she thought it was midnight though it was 11:30am and the sun was streaming in, and she was insistent that I had lost a great sum of weight, things like that). It was a good visit and I was glad I saw her.

    I'm more glad now. About two weeks after that visit she had a heart attack. It was mild, but it reduced her heart to only 2/3s function and meant that her brain was no longer getting enough blood. The doctors waffled for a while before deciding that we should stop doing tests, make her comfortable, call in hospice and prepare for the worst.

    I saw her Thanskgiving day and the day after, held her hand and spoke to her, told her she was loved and sang 'You Are My Sunshine' to her since she used to sing it to me. My grandmother and I have always had a strong bond. I hadn't come quickly enough to be there when she could still speak (I live 4 hours away and getting off work was hard.) so she couldn't respond, but she stared at me and I know she knew I was there since she tried to talk even if nothing came out.

    She passed away on the 28th. I found out through a text while I was driving home from work. The funeral was probably the toughest day of my life and then watching family sort out her furniture and belongings so rapidly. My father wanted to donate most of the pieces of furniture that I had loved and knew since childhood. Finally he offered me $500 bucks and helped me find a mover to get them to my home.

    So now I sit surrounded in what furniture, pictures, and belongings I could salvage. I have mementos that mean the world to me and they feel alien in my apartment. They belong with her, in her home, with her alive to take care of them.

    I guess what this all boils down to is that my heart is broken. I want my grandmother back.
    "Oh, the strawberries don't taste as they used to and the thighs of women have lost their clutch!"

  • #2
    Heksubah, I am so, so sorry for your loss. It's so hard to see a place that was so close to your heart dismantled, even when you take many of the items into your own home. I think eventually you will find that her belongings no longer feel "alien" in your apartment, but instead that they keep her close to you.

    My maternal grandfather died several years ago, and now that I'm back in hometown, everytime I go past the street he and grandma lived on for so many years, I find myself saying hello to them both. I have a lot of items from his last place of residence (a seniors' apartment), thanks to the efforts of a cousin. Everytime I look at them or use them I'm reminded of him, the wonderful stories he told of life "in the old country" and over here during the Great Depression, and what a generous man he was.

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    • #3
      I know what you're going through. My parents both passed away this fall, my mom in October, my dad last week. I've been living with them since I came back from out of state a year and a half ago.

      Now I'm moving this weekend, because they had a reverse mortgage and the house goes back to the bank. I'm taking some of their furniture, and there's a bunch of artwork and things that my siblings and I need to divide.

      It's going to be tough watching it all get distributed. It's hard to believe they're gone. I don't think it's really sunk in yet.

      All I can say is let yourself grieve. Everybody reacts differently. It'll take time, but I'm sure you know that. If you can, you might want to get some counseling, just to talk it out with someone neutral. I'm going to look into that once I'm moved.

      Hugs help too. Take care of yourself.
      "If you pray very hard, you can become a cat person." -Angela, "The Office"

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      • #4
        After a while you'll be really glad you have those items. Not because they're material things but because of the memories attached to them.

        I'm sorry for your loss. Grandmothers are special.
        When you start at zero, everything's progress.

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        • #5
          I am sorry for your loss.
          Customers should always be served . . . to the nearest great white.

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