My boyfriends ex-MIL died yesterday

[violiavampyr]

Really, she was his Texas Mom, because she was there when his wife (her daughter) bailed. So they've always been close, closer than ex-in-laws usually are. Plus he and ex-wife had kids, so.... Heck, she liked me for a good match with my BF, despite her daughter not caring for me one bit. So I was friends with her. And she was very active and well liked in her church. She was really the rock and stability of her family. My BF referred to her as a matriarch yesterday.
She had been in the hospital for awhile and it seemed like she was getting better. She'd been upgraded to MICU (from ICU), but sometime yesterday morning things went wrong and she was declared dead around noon yesterday.

I haven't really dealt with the emotional factor, I've been too busy with work and school. I'm just not sure what to say to people, you know? I knew her, she was my friend, but my relationship with her was nowhere near the level that other people had with her. I guess that mostly what I'm feeling, sorrow at the loss that the people I know are feeling. Her husband, daughters, her best friend, my boyfriend, the kids.
I don't want to seem callous, but I just have no idea what to say to people who's loss obviously outweighs my own.

[Andara Bledin]

It's ok to not say anything.

I don't talk about people who are gone. But I can empathize with those who are dealing with a loss. I can be there when they need a shoulder to cry on. I can be there and listen when they need to talk.

Sometimes the best thing to say is just "I'm here for you."

^-.-^

[Kristev]

Or simply as "Can I help?"

[PepperElf]

i've been there where there's been a death of someone i barely knew or wasn't close to. for example my old choir, the previous director was murdered. although I felt bad for him, i'd only met him once (i think). one of my friends however was pretty much sobbing her heart out, so... when it came to doing some of the normal work she did (making copies mostly) of the church music, I did it instead.

and that made me realize that those of us who aren't mourning as deeply are still useful. we can take on tasks for others to free them up so they can grieve.