Communication confusion

[ParkingWitch]

Awww Maria, weird can be a good way to be. Would you rather be one of the sheeple?

BTW, we are ALL a little offbeat and weird here.

SC

And it is a matter of perspective.

"Don't try to outweird me, three-eyes. I get stranger things than you free with my breakfast cereal." Zaphod Beebelbrox, HHGTTG

^-.-^

You know we will be gentle with you.

[Akasa]

Your sister is toxic. I get how you might find it difficult to cut her out of your life, but at least stop trying to smooth things over and apologizing for things you didn't do. Cut back on your contact with her, hang up or disconnect chat as soon as she starts calling you names or ranting at you, if need be tell her "Gotta go cat's on fire!" Bonus points if you don't have a cat.

[MoonCat]

Your sister is toxic. I get how you might find it difficult to cut her out of your life, but at least stop trying to smooth things over and apologizing for things you didn't do. Cut back on your contact with her, hang up or disconnect chat as soon as she starts calling you names or ranting at you, if need be tell her "Gotta go cat's on fire!" Bonus points if you don't have a cat.

Never set the cat on fire
You only will annoy it
The heat will make the beast perspire
She surely won't enjoy it...

Sorry, couldn't resist. Lines from an old filk song, I forget who wrote it. Always makes me feel a little guilty for laughing...

Seriously, there's some good advice on here. I like Seshat's advice (ever notice how wise this lady is? )

Any time you want to vent, Maria, come on down! We don't bite (too hard)...

[dalesys]

We don't bite (too hard)...

Just give it a little lick... OK, you can bite now, just don't squirt none of your juice in it...
[/Cosby]

[Maria]

Between Jay2KWinger demanding everyone's pants...

Well, I guess it's a good thing I didn't show up around here a couple years earlier, since I'm from a family where women don't wear pants. It hasn't been so long since I became a convert to the cult of jeans. I can't even imagine how strange that exchange would have been...

In the saga of the sister, I did actually get onto her the other day for pressuring me about answering her emails full of questions (what questions she means, I have no idea) and how "I swear, if you don't respond to my emails point by point like I do for you..." and going on about how much time she invests in... uh, I guess in picking on me? Once she was done, I said that I stop replying to an email thread when the discussion begins crossing a boundary and that she needs to either not make boundary-violation a requirement for our relationship, or she needs to let me violate hers too whenever I please.

Weird thing was she congratulated me, as if she was just pushing to get me to draw a line, but "boundaries" is like, her current favourite buzzword right now. So I think in reality she just backed off the power-grab because I used "the magic word" on her. Either way, she's been more respectful since... that's not something that's easy for me to do, and I sure don't trust that it's a long-term change in any manner, but evidently that tactic is working. Surprise to me!

Seriously though.. in the times I have posted, I've discovered that this is a wonderful community, and I've said as much... just, you know how it is, people get wary after some bad experiences. And I'm touchy-feely and huggy and I write emotionally touching fanfic (I cannot believe I just admitted to that, even anonymously) and yet I have to live in a very hands-off world, so... yeah. All that to say, I appreciate the blanket, as-is acceptance I find here. It's a rare treasure. And I do have cats... although I could imagine one of them being juuuust clever enough to ignite herself!

[Seshat]

I said that I stop replying to an email thread when the discussion begins crossing a boundary and that she needs to either not make boundary-violation a requirement for our relationship, or she needs to let me violate hers too whenever I please.

<snippage>

that's not something that's easy for me to do, and I sure don't trust that it's a long-term change in any manner, but evidently that tactic is working. Surprise to me!

It gets easier with practice.

And a single occurance is not likely to cause long-term change; but regularly drawing a line and insisting on it will either keep her on her side of the line, or will cause her to leave you alone.

Be prepared for her to test you, though. Consider her - well, like a toddler testing his parents to see if he really, REALLY isn't allowed to have a cookie before dinner. Or a cat who MUST jump on the kitchen benches.

Before you write your genuine email responses to her, write trial responses (with fake 'to' addresses) that address her as if she were a naughty cat or a naughty child.

That will put you in the correct frame of mind to write the real one. And might have you laughing at her misbehaviours.

[PepperElf]

i've done that a few times. written an email or thread post and just deleted it cos i didn't feel like going through the drama of actually sending/submitting

interestingly though, the act of typing it, even if it went unsaid, left me feeling satisfied as if it had really been said.

so sometimes ... it's not the other person/people who really need to hear it but us who just need to say it... even if only to ourselves