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  • Brain-to-Mouth Filter Failures

    Go ahead. I'm not the only one who has had them. Lately I've been having them more and more often, and this isn't an attempt to justify them. Just to confess that we are human beings and that we do slip up.

    Yesterday I had a customer make the one hundredth complaint that our debit card process is "the only place in the world that asks you if you are sure whether you want to put everything on the card."

    To which I promptly said, "No it isn't" and preceded to give a long list of the places with the same process.

    Another person once said, "I wish all of the debit card readers every where you went were the same."

    To which I replied, "That sounds an awful lot like communism."

    Any one else have any to add?

  • #2
    Mine was just:

    Me: You're not the ones at the gas dock are you?
    Lady: No...
    Me: Frick.

    I immediately apologized.

    (after like 5 minutes of me trying to explain I unpacked inventory myself today, so I know we didn't get her cable)

    Lady: Are you sure you didn't get my cable in?
    Me: Unless your cable is a jetskii rope, we didn't!

    My parents:

    Guy: I was half-way across the lake when my steering wheel came off. That's unacceptable! I looked around, and the nuts were gone!
    Mom: Oh my god! You lost your nuts?!

    My grandma is a realtor, and had this one:

    Grandma: And on if you look on page two (of the property assessment), under 'orgasms' you'll find...

    She could hear the guy blushing on the otherl ine.

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    • #3
      Quoth Cooper View Post

      My grandma is a realtor, and had this one:

      Grandma: And on if you look on page two (of the property assessment), under 'orgasms' you'll find...

      She could hear the guy blushing on the otherl ine.
      OH MY GOD!! MY GOD YES, YES!! THERE IT IS!!!

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      • #4
        Nice. Dare I ask what orgasms was supposed to be?

        Comment


        • #5
          More of a brain-to-hand filter. In my early days as a desk clerk, people were five deep at the desk, and the phone started ringing. I picked up, said "<hotel>, can you please hold?" There were three seconds of silence and a bitchy voice yelled "NO!" I said "OKAY!" in a cheerful tone and hung up. They didn't call back either.
          "Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages." - Terry Pratchett
          Emissary of Minong - my blog and its Facebook page

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          • #6
            Quoth Dentarthurdent View Post
            More of a brain-to-hand filter. In my early days as a desk clerk, people were five deep at the desk, and the phone started ringing. I picked up, said "<hotel>, can you please hold?" There were three seconds of silence and a bitchy voice yelled "NO!" I said "OKAY!" in a cheerful tone and hung up. They didn't call back either.
            that is brilliant!

            I was doing a butt-ton of paperwork on Friday and said "good morning" to clients when I answered the phone. Twice. After 3pm. One was a regular and he gave me a bit of a friendly ribbing about it.

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            • #7
              I think it was supposed to be 'organism.' Since she told a similar story about 'red tide' where it was when the ocean was full of 'orgasms...'

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              • #8
                The parking lot at work is poorly designed. I've seen several fender benders and a lot of near misses in the seven years I've worked there, not to mention people walking across the lot almost being run over. Some days, just trying to find a parking space is like running a gauntlet.

                One evening, a woman checks out in my line. She starts complaining about having a hard time getting through the parking lot.

                Nonchalantly, I comment, "Yeah, most of these people don't know how to drive." Most customers who complain about the parking lot seem to get my point when I make such an observation.

                She gives me the evil eye, "Are you saying I don't know how to drive?"

                My response: "I wasn't naming names." She took her receipt and stormed off. I didn't really care because it was the evening rush, and I was more concerned with getting through my line. I just shrugged and move on to the next customer.
                The Borg wouldn't know fun if they assimilated an amusement park. -- B'Elanna Torres, Star Trek: Voyager

                Math! Math, my dear boy, is but the lesbian sister of Biology. -- Peter Griffin, Family Guy

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                • #9
                  Quoth Oniontears View Post
                  I was doing a butt-ton of paperwork on Friday and said "good morning" to clients when I answered the phone. Twice. After 3pm. One was a regular and he gave me a bit of a friendly ribbing about it.
                  I am used to working swing shifts. When I get thrown onto the odd day shift it is not uncommon for me to blurt out "Good evening" when it's 7:30am.
                  Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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                  • #10
                    Quoth aurelemsrealm View Post
                    Nonchalantly, I comment, "Yeah, most of these people don't know how to drive." .
                    Hell, I say that all the time, but most people in this area know the stereotype about Massachusetts drivers.

                    Since she told a similar story about 'red tide' where it was when the ocean was full of 'orgasms...'
                    I so wanted to respond to this with a video clip from the Firefly episode Our Dear Mrs. Reynolds, but no one's posted the clip I have in mind.

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                    • #11
                      My Brain to Mouth filter failure was towards a coworker who even after my massive failure we are now really good friends. When she started work with us she seemed like a great kid only 19 and very pregnant I asked her was she nervous about becoming a mom.
                      This is the conversation the happened.
                      CW: Not at all this is number four for me
                      Cue me going and then this jewel "Girl have you ever heard of a rubber."
                      Lay your hands upon me
                      Like an angel from above
                      Put your arms around me,
                      'Cause you're fallin'

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                      • #12
                        I was filling in for the morning receptionist at a car dealership. I wasn't all that familiar with the switchboard and it was very, very busy. I answer a call and say "Good morning, thank you for calling <dealership>, how may I disconnect your call?" Thankfully, the man on the other end of the phone thought it was the most hysterical thing ever and all was forgiven.
                        At the conclusion of an Irish wedding, the priest said "Everybody please hug the person who has made your life worth living. The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

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