Things they don't tell you at the interview

[Nurian]

I love working at <package service> but this past week really took a toll on me.

WIFE: Honey? What's that? (pointing at a dark spot on my arm)
ME: Huh? Oh, a package fell off my wall but I was able to catch it.
WIFE: That's a bad bruise.
ME: I don't know. It matches these (lift shirt to show more bruises on my stomach)
WIFE: