Remember the Old Kung Fu Movies?

[catcul]

I was talking to a coworker today, and he asked if I remembered the old kung fu movies that were shown on TV. I remembered three things that were ridiculous about these movies.

1. If the bad guy wanted to kill another man, it took 30 minutes (or it seemed like it). It didn't matter if the bad guy had a weapon, or his target was ridiculously over matched; It took 30 minutes for the bad guy to kill him.

2. If the bad guy wanted to kill a woman, he could just look at her, and she'd drop dead. It was "Look! Scream! Dead!"

3. The movies ended the very second the buy guy died. It was, "Bad guy dead? The end!" There was absolutely no resolution.

Does anyone remember something else ridiculous about these movies?

[Ceir]

I always liked Martial Arts Movie Rule #1 - which was paraphrased from Discworld book anyway, if I recall correctly.

Just...don't mess around with the little old man. Especially if he's smiling.

[Teefies2]

The dialouge never match the actors' lips. It was always bad dubbing!

[KhirasHY]

Only thing I need to remember is that, during a slow, painful death, at the end people just realized the futility of it all...

Reference

[Nurian]

It doesn't matter how over matched the lead is, he'll never use a gun willingly or otherwise.

This is shown (to Lee's annoyance) in Enter the Dragon. His character asks for a gun and gets denied.

[TheSHAD0W]

The bad guy always has these surprises, and often cheats.

[Jay 2K Winger]

I always liked Martial Arts Movie Rule #1 - which was paraphrased from Discworld book anyway, if I recall correctly.

Just...don't mess around with the little old man. Especially if he's smiling.

Always Remember Rule One: "Never act incautiously when facing a small, wrinkled, bald, smiling old man!"

Now I'm remembering that scene from the Simpsons, where Fat Tony's Legitimate Businessmen Association fights a mob war with the Japanese Yakuza on the Simpsons' front lawn. Marge herds the family inside, while Homer whines, "Aw, but that little guy hasn't done anything yet! Any minute now he's gonna do something, and you know it's gonna be awesome!"

And when he gets taken inside, we hear a karate scream and some rapid-fire fisticuffs raining down. Then the little guy gets thrown through their window. And he just dusts himself off, says, "Forgiveness, please!" and runs back outside.

[catcul]

The bad guy always has these surprises, and often cheats.

That's true for just about EVERY movie.

[ParkingWitch]

And the large group of goons will stand around waiting to attack one at a time.