Storyline Thread

[purplecat41877]

I've decided to start a storyline thread. The idea of this thread is to keep the story moving.:)

A 16 year old girl named Bridget worked in a grocery store as a checker. Every time she worked, her boyfriend, Bradley, came to see her at work and ended up distracting her from her customers or any other work that she had to do.

[Broomjockey]

This angered Manager Steve, as disruptions in his fiefdom were frowned upon. To try and restore harmony to the store, Manager Steve tried to ban Bradley.

[Mixed Bag]

Seeing as the PA system made it sound like "Ben Bradlee" (the Washington Post editor), Ben was called away from the podium just as he was about to reveal the identity of "Deep Throat."

(Sorry)

[NightAngel]

Fortunately, Mulder and Scully were on the premises and escorted Mr. Bradlee to the Manager's Office.

(Don't mention Deep Throat to and X-Phile :lol:)

[JuniorMintz]

Thankfully, BradLee had his cell phone on him! He whipped it out and called his distant cousin Jet Li (lee, li, I know, leave me alone! :D) out to kick the manger's ass... which he totally did! :roll:

[Think Blue]

As Jet and Brad exited the managers office, the managers best friend came out of the shadows. It was Jackie Chan and a showdown was in the making.:lol:

[JuniorMintz]

Manager Steve and Cousin Chan stared down the Hooligans Lee/Li, and all customers and employees ran for the hills.

Except Bridget, the lazy employee who started all this drama to begin with.

"Don't do this!" she cried.

Cousins Chan and Li looked at each other, wondered what the 'eff they were doing at this rinky dink grocery store to begin with, and left-not before swiping all the beef jerky and beer they could carry, of course!

Manager Steve and Brad continued to stare at each other. Finally, Brad looked at Briget, looked back and Steve, and said...

[purplecat41877]

"Bridget, I'll talk to you later."

"OK, Bradley."

Bradley quickly kissed Bridget on the lips and then walked away. Bridget looked down at her register and saw that Bradley left her a bouquet of red roses with a card in which Bradley told Bridget that he loved her.:o

[BrightEyedKitty]

Bradley was scarcely out the door, whistling nonchalantly, when he suddenly remembered: "Ah, crap, I forgot to pick up Mother's clown suit at the cleaners, and they close at 5!" he screamed. A few patrons gave him nervous glances as he jumped onto his souped-up John Deere riding mower and sped away, laying a 10-foot trail of rubber behind him.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Whereupon leaving the parking lot, he's nearly creamed on the Interstate by a red Lincoln Navigator with New York license plates and a petite brunette behind the wheel yapping on a cellphone.

And the next thing you know, our hero ended up ducking, for he heard the zinging sound of a bullet whizzing by his head.

Ducking, he looked back and saw the lady from the Navigator, minus the cellphone but now armed with an Uzi. She aimed at the back tires, blowing one out in a single spray.

"Where'd you get your driver's license at?" she hollered loud enough to be heard in the next county, her Texas accent quite evident. "I'd have reckoned Walmart would have had better quality than that!"

He was stunned, to say the least. "You crazy woman!" he hollered. "What is your problem?"

"I'm lookin' at it," she hollered, running over toward him. "You nearly hit my car with that Toolman special mower, you dumbass."

Our hero jumped off the lawn mower and started on foot, but tripped on an overturned stop sign, throwing him onto the ground face first.

[Knightmare]

As he was about to get run over by the Navigator, a beam of light shot down from the sky, and whisked him onto the Mother Ship just as the blonde assassin ran over the spot Brad was just in.

Bradley looked at his captors and thanked them.

"I'd rather be anally probed than listen to Bridget whine about 'Where are we going in this relationship? Why won't you marry me?'"

[BrightEyedKitty]

"Anally probe you?" the aliens exclaimed. "We don't want to anally probe you, we just want to square dance!!" The largest alien promptly grabbed Bradley's arm and started singing, "Swing your partner round and round!"

"AAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!" screamed Bradley. "Anal probe, I want the anal probe!"

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

And then Bradley woke up.

It had all been a dream.

However, he now had a terrible case of pinkeye, there was an empty tube of Boudreaux's Butt Paste under his pillow, and the TV was turned up at full volume and repeating a commercial for Head On (APPLY DIRECTLY TO THE FOREHEAD!)

[BrightEyedKitty]

"Mom?" Bradley queried. "Were you having one of your weird parties again last night? Because I told you last time, that was IT!"

[RavenStarr]

"Why no sweetheart nobody has been here" said Bradleys's Mom. "You must be having those silly dreams again." Don't worry though, I'll go get something to help you sleep".

Bradley's Mom walks out of the room.

[BrightEyedKitty]

And in walks Bridget, wearing a clown suit and carrying an air horn.

[Spiffy McMoron]

Disturbingly, this was not unusual for Bridget, due to a prior love of lead-based paint products. Bradley casually looked up and asked Bridget how her morning was going so far.

[JuniorMintz]

Bradley regretted this action almost instantly. Bridget looked him in the eye, paused, sucked in a big breath of air, and said..."

[Spiffy McMoron]

"Bradley, I can't believe that you would do this to me! I thought that we had something special going on between us!"
"What did I do?" asked Bradley.
"Oh, as if you don't know, Mr. Sweet-and-Innocent," replied Bridget in anger and disgust. "You...

[PuckishOne]

"...you...you know, this damned clown suit really itches!!"

Bridget poked her hand into the itchy clown suit, and found a live tarantula, which she flung indignantly at Bradley.

[Sphinx]

And in return Bradley flung it back at her and it went . .

[Knightmare]

...into the airhorn (it's a Acme Giant Airhorn®)! Bridget looked at the airhorn and frowned.
"Bradster, my great-grandfather's uncle twice-removed gave me this airhorn. How could you do such a thing?"

She pushed the large button, and instead of the loud HOOOOONK it should have made, it just went SQUISH SQUISH.

Bridget looked up at Bradley, and with tears in her eyes, said...

[BrightEyedKitty]

"Oh, no! Not my special rutabaga!"

[BrightEyedKitty]

Bradley apologized about the rutabaga (and the pineapple, which squished the rutabaga when it flew into the airhorn) and wandered off to see if he could find some bright neon pink socks to match his tube top. He had a wedding to go to next week, after all.

[PuckishOne]

As Bradley sorted through his dresser drawers, he noticed that his underpants were no longer stored alphabetically, by color and size. This sent him into a snit, and he yelled, to no one in particular...

[BrightEyedKitty]

"I shaved my armpits last week, you bastards!"

[Jpurple]

Just then, out of thin air, a hollow, booming, disembodied voice spoke to Bradley. It said...

[Sphinx]

"All right, who put the morning people in charge!!!!"

[PuckishOne]

Bradley was shaken to his very core by the sudden appearance of the Hollow, Booming, Disembodied Voice, and, as such, promptly peed his pants.

[BrightEyedKitty]

But he wore a diaper most days anyway, so he went to go change it.

[AFpheonix]

Unfortunately, that was the last one in the pack, so surreptitiously, he snuck into his mama's room to steal some granny panties when all of a sudden....

[hecubus]

Granny walk in and shouted, "Boy, git yer dang hands off my panties!! I told you that next time I caught you wearing my underwear, I was gonna..."

[BrightEyedKitty]

"....make you watch reruns of The Jeffersons for 16 hours straight!"

[dispatch]

all this yelling was giving Brad a headache, and upon discovering he was out of Head-on, he decided to go free-ballin to the grocery store, but when he opened the front door he was greeted by Chuck Norris who said "....

[PuckishOne]

...absolutely nothing, he simply killed Bradley stone dead on the spot. Because he's Chuck Norris, you see.

But then, the Hollow, Booming Disembodied Voice spoke up, and said...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"Nicaragua has stiffer penalties for drug-trafficking than Panama does, and here's how I know:"

[AFpheonix]

"Grannie and her panties make for a great drug mule, because NOBODY wants to root around in there."
The manager called for a cleanup on isle five to take care of Bradley, meanwhile...

[JuniorMintz]

Brigit made herself a peanut butter sandwich at home, unaware of all the drama what with her boyfriend being smooshed by Chuck Norris and all.

[BrightEyedKitty]

Then Mr. T came in and beat the living crap out of Chuck Norris. The resulting sonic boom created by Mr. T's fist striking Chuck Norris as he did his famous roundhouse kick could be heard for miles.

[Knightmare]

Chuck Norris got up, dusted himself off and then laughed at Mr. T, saying:
"I pity the foo that thinks he can beat Chuck Norris. So pity this!"
And he punched Mr. T in his little mohawk thingy, knocking his head clear to the next county.

Chuck Norris (http://www.duckshit.com/chuck-norris-jokes/) then headed over to Bridget's house and...




*BTW, Mr.T could NEVER EVER EVER lay a hand on Chuch Norris.

[dispatch]

on the way the disembodied voice spoke again and said

"Now Chuck, the world is not going to save itself! The Evil One, whose name we will worry about later, is ammassing an army of.....

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

SC's attempting to return to return 5-year-old casserole dishes, with ancient food particles still stuck to them, and using underwear labels as identification.

[ArenaBoy]

The SCs whine and whine, but they don't get what they want. They threaten to never come back.

[dispatch]

but they do, stronger, and in greater numbers and they feed on stress and ciggarette smoke of retail workers, to be fully prepared to fight this evil you must...."

[BrightEyedKitty]

Put on a chicken suit. RIGHT NOW!

[BrightEyedKitty]

But the costume store didn't have a chicken suit in the right size, so...

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

you must dress up like a bottle of ketchup!

(yes, they do actually make a ketchup-bottle costume. We sold it last year. It's a foam rubber red pointy hat and a top that's supposed to resemble the rest of the bottle)

[PuckishOne]

So Bradley, diligent little minion of the Mighty Chuck Norris, walked out to his car to go find this alleged ketchup-bottle costume. As he opened the car door...

[BrightEyedKitty]

Pee-Wee Herman was sitting in the passenger seat wearing it.

[dispatch]

"EEEEETS TYME TOO GO FIGHT EEEVAL BRADLEY! HEE HEE! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD OF THE DAY IS?"
bradley was now seeing why this guy was in his car and not chuck norris' truck "pee wee, I think the word of the day is.....

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

"is!"

Everybody Scream Real Loud!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

[BrightEyedKitty]

So Bradley, seriously creeped out by Pee-wee now, decided to forget about the ketchup suit and ran away.

[dispatch]

pee-wee realised that he had to assist chuck norris and round up the rest of the chosen champions, so he slid into the driver's seat, started the engine, and headed for....

[Irving Patrick Freleigh]

the Playhouse, where Miss Yvonne was waiting for him.

"Hey Pee-Wee" she cooed. "I have something to show you!"

[BrightEyedKitty]

Look at my new katana! It's razor sharp! Oh, Chairy, would you like to help me demonstrate?