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So, as I'm sure you can imagine, I sometimes get some 
moments in my cab. Nothing I've posted about because they're usually not that interesting. But here's an interesting one.
I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I don't hold onto my cab 7 days a week. On the days that I'm not driving (my "weekend"), my cab generally is given out to other drivers. (I don't own the car so I can't tell the company not to.)
Last week, a friend and I were out in the wee hours of the morning, and we decided that we wanted some mexican fast food. Well, lo and behold, the only thing open is the drive-thru, and we were walking. Luckily, there was a cab a few hundred feet away. As we got closer, I realized it was my cab. (But that's not the point of the story.)
I hired the guy and we went to the drive-thru. I told the guy about it being my car, and we chatted a bit. Interesting enough, until the wild bullshit started flying out of his mouth. Let's see if I can remember all of his claims...
1) He was in the "CIA Army".
2) His rank was "Captain 1st Class" (or maybe "1st Captain"; I can't quite recall).
3) The CIA had underground tunnels everywhere that were capable of transporting him from Desert Hell to North Dakota in 12 seconds.
3a) If he needed to use the tunnels, the street would open up pretty much anywhere and he'd just drive the cab underground right there.
4) If he was "activated", a uniform would be (essentially) instantly tailored for him.
5) He wouldn't get paid, active or otherwise, until he was 80.
6) Hey, want a mint?
So, a point-by-point rebuttal, none of which I said to his face...
1) I've never heard of such a thing. The CIA works with the military when necessary, but to my knowledge does not keep its own standing military force -- and why would they need one? If they need a military op done, they go to the ACTUAL ARMY.
1a) If he was some sort of sleeper agent for the CIA, why in the hell would he tell me about it?
2) No such thing. Captain, yes. Sergeant first class, first sergeant, first lieutenant, warrant officer 1, yes. "1st Captain"? No.
3) While there are indeed underground tunnels in Desert Hell (a.k.a "sewers"), I'm pretty sure they don't run all the way to North Dakota, and they don't operate at accelerations that would kill a man. (Phoenix to ND is, in round numbers, about 1200 miles. That's an average of 360,000 miles per hour (~580,000 km/h). The G forces involved in achieving such speeds would be instantly fatal to pretty much everything on Earth, not to mention the physical possibility of creating such accelerations in the first place.)
4) No military branch in the US tailors their uniforms for specific people, especially not for someone as low ranking as a captain.
5) If true, he would be a fool. Nobody -- NOBODY -- works for the government on a "pay me later" basis. Even the reserves get paid monthly.
6) Yeah, sure.
moments in my cab. Nothing I've posted about because they're usually not that interesting. But here's an interesting one.I don't think I've mentioned this before, but I don't hold onto my cab 7 days a week. On the days that I'm not driving (my "weekend"), my cab generally is given out to other drivers. (I don't own the car so I can't tell the company not to.)
Last week, a friend and I were out in the wee hours of the morning, and we decided that we wanted some mexican fast food. Well, lo and behold, the only thing open is the drive-thru, and we were walking. Luckily, there was a cab a few hundred feet away. As we got closer, I realized it was my cab. (But that's not the point of the story.)
I hired the guy and we went to the drive-thru. I told the guy about it being my car, and we chatted a bit. Interesting enough, until the wild bullshit started flying out of his mouth. Let's see if I can remember all of his claims...
1) He was in the "CIA Army".
2) His rank was "Captain 1st Class" (or maybe "1st Captain"; I can't quite recall).
3) The CIA had underground tunnels everywhere that were capable of transporting him from Desert Hell to North Dakota in 12 seconds.
3a) If he needed to use the tunnels, the street would open up pretty much anywhere and he'd just drive the cab underground right there.
4) If he was "activated", a uniform would be (essentially) instantly tailored for him.
5) He wouldn't get paid, active or otherwise, until he was 80.
6) Hey, want a mint?
So, a point-by-point rebuttal, none of which I said to his face...
1) I've never heard of such a thing. The CIA works with the military when necessary, but to my knowledge does not keep its own standing military force -- and why would they need one? If they need a military op done, they go to the ACTUAL ARMY.
1a) If he was some sort of sleeper agent for the CIA, why in the hell would he tell me about it?
2) No such thing. Captain, yes. Sergeant first class, first sergeant, first lieutenant, warrant officer 1, yes. "1st Captain"? No.
3) While there are indeed underground tunnels in Desert Hell (a.k.a "sewers"), I'm pretty sure they don't run all the way to North Dakota, and they don't operate at accelerations that would kill a man. (Phoenix to ND is, in round numbers, about 1200 miles. That's an average of 360,000 miles per hour (~580,000 km/h). The G forces involved in achieving such speeds would be instantly fatal to pretty much everything on Earth, not to mention the physical possibility of creating such accelerations in the first place.)
4) No military branch in the US tailors their uniforms for specific people, especially not for someone as low ranking as a captain.
5) If true, he would be a fool. Nobody -- NOBODY -- works for the government on a "pay me later" basis. Even the reserves get paid monthly.
6) Yeah, sure.
But if we're talking 1400 miles, then the average speed leaps up to 420,000 mph (~676,000 km/h). Even more fatal than before. Wolfram|Alpha says 
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