I...I just...I can't...
Well that escalated quickly.
Had one of those weird "what the hell" situations...two friends coming to get a room as walk-ins at about 1am, obviously drunk. I'm going through all the usual stuff, when one of them mentions something that apparently was wrong:
Drunk Guy: "Yeah, we need 2 beds...I don't wanna sleep with him."
Drunk Guy #2 responds with all the logic one can: by rearing back, and decking his buddy in the side of the head as hard as he can. I didn't even have the proper shock that I should have...I just reached for the phone and dialed the local police department, then stood back in case any guests walked in and needed to be kept safe. Two minutes later, they're both in cuffs and going to stay at a Colorado "Special" Hotel, now with rooms that have bars in them! Not mini-bars, but hey...
It is probably a sign that my soul is reaching critical mass in terms of death and disappointment, the whole time I just couldn't do more than shake my head and laugh as these two ineptly beat the shit out of one another. That said, it's not like I wanted to get punched, so better them than me!
But I know they stole it!
SC: I wanted to know if anyone turned in a black wallet?
Me: Alright...did you lose it tonight?
SC: This morning actually.
Me: Ok, where did you last have it?
SC: Well, it was...I don't want to say they stole it, but I left it on a table in my room.
Me: (No, you didn't.) Alright. Well I can't do anything with that sort of thing tonight, I can have a manager follow up with you in the morning.
SC: My friend's keys are missing too.
Me: (Sigh) Alright, have you checked all the drawers, and emptied out all the bags and such in the room to double check and make sure they're not there?
SC: Uhhhh...yeah?
Me: (Bullshit) Well, I'd take a second look there. Our manager won't be in until early, and our housekeepers are gone for the day, so we'll need to wait for them to get in this morning to follow up, alright?
SC: Uhh...ok.
10:1 odds they find their "stolen" items before the morning. 100:1 odds against them actually admitting they found it so they don't sound like idiots.
I really don't get how people don't do the math. The SC calling is a teenager...probably 16-18 at the oldest. His wallet may have, at best, $20-50 in it, if that much? For our housekeepers, that's potentially less than two hours of work in their pocket if they were to actually steal something like that. Work that they must continue to do to have things like rent, food, and doctor money. Most of these same housekeepers have kids to feed, and so on. So, let's check here, is a tiny amount of cash from some random wallet worth losing out on thousands of dollars a year from a steady paycheck? Gee, hmm...
Yeah, enjoy finding your keys and wallet later. Bonus points if one of your other roommates (there are 4 teen boys in this room) actually intentionally stole them, and gets caught. Asses.
Oh Lord? OH GOD NO!!!
I'm checking someone in when a woman...er...well, I don't know. Quite large. Anyway.
As she passes by, and I check someone else in, I hear something slightly skin to a cross between tearing off wet strips of duct tape, and throwing a live cat into a running blender. The sound was long, awful, and it echoed through the lobby for a few seconds after it hit. I'm pretty sure it hit the resonance frequency of the room, and shook us to our very bones. She farted a fart which could start a war between two peaceful nations. She then followed it up with...
Farting Lady: "Ooooh ho ho ho! Oh Lawdy!!!"
She then unfortunated (yes, that's now a verb) her way into the elevator and surrounded (and filled) it completely. Leaving me and the other guest in the lobby. Alone. Stunned.
Doomed.
I can't describe the smell that wafted over to the desk, because I'm pretty sure it constitutes felonious assault and attempted murder, and not a smell. Picture every bad thing you've ever done in life. Then take your friends, your parents, your neighbors, and every random person you've ever met in life, and picture every bad, weird, awful, and terrible things they've done. Maybe your next door neighbor punched kittens for profit a few years back. Maybe your best friends mother is a star of weird, creepy Japanese porn films. Figure out some special, random things that you're making up to include in the pile of horrible you're fashioning in your mind, then convert all of those things to a meal, feed it to this creature three times per day for about six years, then have it all convulse together into aroma form to be weaponized not only at potential enemies, but also random passersby as a weird sort of dominance training.
That was what this was. I hallucinated. I'm pretty sure I saw Jesus holding a sign telling me to kill myself before it was too late.
But it was already too late...for both of us...
Edit: But there's a late entry as a saving grace...an employee from another property in another state checked in with his BF just now...and he is hooooooooooooooooot. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. Improved my night immediately
Well that escalated quickly.
Had one of those weird "what the hell" situations...two friends coming to get a room as walk-ins at about 1am, obviously drunk. I'm going through all the usual stuff, when one of them mentions something that apparently was wrong:
Drunk Guy: "Yeah, we need 2 beds...I don't wanna sleep with him."
Drunk Guy #2 responds with all the logic one can: by rearing back, and decking his buddy in the side of the head as hard as he can. I didn't even have the proper shock that I should have...I just reached for the phone and dialed the local police department, then stood back in case any guests walked in and needed to be kept safe. Two minutes later, they're both in cuffs and going to stay at a Colorado "Special" Hotel, now with rooms that have bars in them! Not mini-bars, but hey...
It is probably a sign that my soul is reaching critical mass in terms of death and disappointment, the whole time I just couldn't do more than shake my head and laugh as these two ineptly beat the shit out of one another. That said, it's not like I wanted to get punched, so better them than me!
But I know they stole it!
SC: I wanted to know if anyone turned in a black wallet?
Me: Alright...did you lose it tonight?
SC: This morning actually.
Me: Ok, where did you last have it?
SC: Well, it was...I don't want to say they stole it, but I left it on a table in my room.
Me: (No, you didn't.) Alright. Well I can't do anything with that sort of thing tonight, I can have a manager follow up with you in the morning.
SC: My friend's keys are missing too.
Me: (Sigh) Alright, have you checked all the drawers, and emptied out all the bags and such in the room to double check and make sure they're not there?
SC: Uhhhh...yeah?
Me: (Bullshit) Well, I'd take a second look there. Our manager won't be in until early, and our housekeepers are gone for the day, so we'll need to wait for them to get in this morning to follow up, alright?
SC: Uhh...ok.
10:1 odds they find their "stolen" items before the morning. 100:1 odds against them actually admitting they found it so they don't sound like idiots.
I really don't get how people don't do the math. The SC calling is a teenager...probably 16-18 at the oldest. His wallet may have, at best, $20-50 in it, if that much? For our housekeepers, that's potentially less than two hours of work in their pocket if they were to actually steal something like that. Work that they must continue to do to have things like rent, food, and doctor money. Most of these same housekeepers have kids to feed, and so on. So, let's check here, is a tiny amount of cash from some random wallet worth losing out on thousands of dollars a year from a steady paycheck? Gee, hmm...
Yeah, enjoy finding your keys and wallet later. Bonus points if one of your other roommates (there are 4 teen boys in this room) actually intentionally stole them, and gets caught. Asses.
Oh Lord? OH GOD NO!!!
I'm checking someone in when a woman...er...well, I don't know. Quite large. Anyway.
As she passes by, and I check someone else in, I hear something slightly skin to a cross between tearing off wet strips of duct tape, and throwing a live cat into a running blender. The sound was long, awful, and it echoed through the lobby for a few seconds after it hit. I'm pretty sure it hit the resonance frequency of the room, and shook us to our very bones. She farted a fart which could start a war between two peaceful nations. She then followed it up with...
Farting Lady: "Ooooh ho ho ho! Oh Lawdy!!!"
She then unfortunated (yes, that's now a verb) her way into the elevator and surrounded (and filled) it completely. Leaving me and the other guest in the lobby. Alone. Stunned.
Doomed.
I can't describe the smell that wafted over to the desk, because I'm pretty sure it constitutes felonious assault and attempted murder, and not a smell. Picture every bad thing you've ever done in life. Then take your friends, your parents, your neighbors, and every random person you've ever met in life, and picture every bad, weird, awful, and terrible things they've done. Maybe your next door neighbor punched kittens for profit a few years back. Maybe your best friends mother is a star of weird, creepy Japanese porn films. Figure out some special, random things that you're making up to include in the pile of horrible you're fashioning in your mind, then convert all of those things to a meal, feed it to this creature three times per day for about six years, then have it all convulse together into aroma form to be weaponized not only at potential enemies, but also random passersby as a weird sort of dominance training.
That was what this was. I hallucinated. I'm pretty sure I saw Jesus holding a sign telling me to kill myself before it was too late.
But it was already too late...for both of us...
Edit: But there's a late entry as a saving grace...an employee from another property in another state checked in with his BF just now...and he is hooooooooooooooooot. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. Improved my night immediately
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