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Suck the First or "In which staff are human, with finite human brains"
"You know, you really should have better knowledge about the products you sell."
Lady, I have fantastic knowledge about the products I sell. In MY department. Which I just told you was Menswear. In fact, I've recently had a performance review where the manager PRAISED me for my product knowledge. But you came at me with a query about WOMENS CLOTHING. And I wasn't rude, or dismissive. I pointed out the Womenswear counter which is about ten yards from mine, in a straight line. I said they'd be more than happy to help you, since your query is about products THEY sell.
But no. I'm the asshole for not having encyclopedic knowledge about every single one of the thousands upon thousands of products this DEPARTMENT STORE stocks. My fault.
"I guess it's too much to ask that the staff here be able to answer basic queries. Your managers should really train you better."
Why, exactly, is it more reasonable for me to have to learn multiple thousands of items, than it is for you to walk ten yards?
Suck the Second or "In which there is a line, and you have crossed it"
Yes, my badge really does say Jim.
No, I didn't forget my own badge at home today/have to wear a spare/yes, this is mine.
Yes, my name is Jim.
Jim is short for James.
Yes, my name really is James.
Look, I'm realistic about what's going on here. I look like a girl, because I don't have thousands of dollars to drop on surgery to make me look more like I feel. I get that I don't really have a right to get upset with people who are genuinely curious about a "girl" named James. I get that. But what is WITH the pointed, in depth inquiries?
No, my mother didn't name me that. I did.
Yes, I'm serious.
I don't mind people asking. Jim/James is an unusual name for a person who looks like me, and I accept that. I do mind when they don't DROP IT. Curiosity yes. Invasive personal questions, no.
...no, I'm not going to tell you what my deadname is. No one calls me that anymore, because that isn't who I am anymore. I've given you the name I answer to now. Why would you even think you have a right to ask me that?
Suck the Third or "Young doesn't mean stupid/Stop bullying young workers because you think they'll cave easier than I will"
Yeah, okay. My coworkers are 16/18 generally. They're young, and they look it.
That doesn't mean they're stupid.
I'm 31. I've been around the block a few times, and I saw you coming, because I've dealt with people like you before. You think that if you pull the "I'm a grown up and you're not" card, you can bamboozle the younger staff into believing you're right, despite their training. You think if you pull the "Well, I've always done it this way" you can confuse the younger staff into breaking policy.
There's a reason why I drum our returns policy and the Consumer Guarantees Act into the head of every new staff member who comes to work in my department. It's because of people like YOU. So, you can try your luck on J if you like - but under my tutelage, he's learned those documents backwards and forwards. He might be sixteen, but he can recite chunks of that legislation verbatim. So it doesn't matter how young he is. He knows that we've never allowed cash refunds, he's not going to kowtow to your bullying, and if you continue on the path you're walking, he's going to come and get me.
If he has to come and get me, you are not going to enjoy me one bit.
Suck the Fourth or, "In which my staff have not yet learned to clone themselves"
Yes, we heard you press the fitting room bell. We're very sorry, but all three of us are actively serving customers.
No, that won't change because you press the bell again/longer/more insistently. You're going to have to be patient.
We are not goofing off, we are not hiding in the stacks, we are not refusing to help you, we are HUMAN and we are BUSY and you are NOT the only customer in the department right now.
Suck the Fifth or, "In which you've had TWELVE HOURS..."
We opened at nine. We close at nine.
If you can't sort your life out in those twelve hours enough to come down and peruse our stock, then I don't know what to tell you. But come nine in the evening, I'm done. Our hours are clearly posted, and they haven't changed (with the exception of Christmas hours) for literally years. This is not new information.
Once we are closed, I don't have to be pleasant anymore, because once we are closed, you are no longer customers. You are trespassers.
Suck the Sixth or, "Keep your nasty remarks to yourself"
What you said wasn't funny. And that's not just because I happen to be a member of the minority group you were disparaging. It's because it's not fucking funny. The fact that you saw my disgust and followed it with "I don't mean she's actually [slur]. I mean, she's acting like one. It's a joke" doesn't makes it any better. In fact, it increases my wanting to punch you in the face about 300%, because now in the space of sixty seconds you've both used a slur about [the minority group I happen to belong to] AND called it a joke, meaning, making [the minority group I happen to belong to] the punchline of your pathetic, nasty, small little jokes is okay by you.
What you said was gross. And I'm not going to serve you. You want to be a disgusting pig? Fuck off and do it in your own space. But I'm not going to serve you, and I'm not going to apologize for turning on my heel and walking away, either.
What you said was revolting, and you can complain all you like. I'm busy telling my staff that they don't have to serve you either.
"You know, you really should have better knowledge about the products you sell."
Lady, I have fantastic knowledge about the products I sell. In MY department. Which I just told you was Menswear. In fact, I've recently had a performance review where the manager PRAISED me for my product knowledge. But you came at me with a query about WOMENS CLOTHING. And I wasn't rude, or dismissive. I pointed out the Womenswear counter which is about ten yards from mine, in a straight line. I said they'd be more than happy to help you, since your query is about products THEY sell.
But no. I'm the asshole for not having encyclopedic knowledge about every single one of the thousands upon thousands of products this DEPARTMENT STORE stocks. My fault.
"I guess it's too much to ask that the staff here be able to answer basic queries. Your managers should really train you better."
Why, exactly, is it more reasonable for me to have to learn multiple thousands of items, than it is for you to walk ten yards?
Suck the Second or "In which there is a line, and you have crossed it"
Yes, my badge really does say Jim.
No, I didn't forget my own badge at home today/have to wear a spare/yes, this is mine.
Yes, my name is Jim.
Jim is short for James.
Yes, my name really is James.
Look, I'm realistic about what's going on here. I look like a girl, because I don't have thousands of dollars to drop on surgery to make me look more like I feel. I get that I don't really have a right to get upset with people who are genuinely curious about a "girl" named James. I get that. But what is WITH the pointed, in depth inquiries?
No, my mother didn't name me that. I did.
Yes, I'm serious.
I don't mind people asking. Jim/James is an unusual name for a person who looks like me, and I accept that. I do mind when they don't DROP IT. Curiosity yes. Invasive personal questions, no.
...no, I'm not going to tell you what my deadname is. No one calls me that anymore, because that isn't who I am anymore. I've given you the name I answer to now. Why would you even think you have a right to ask me that?
Suck the Third or "Young doesn't mean stupid/Stop bullying young workers because you think they'll cave easier than I will"
Yeah, okay. My coworkers are 16/18 generally. They're young, and they look it.
That doesn't mean they're stupid.
I'm 31. I've been around the block a few times, and I saw you coming, because I've dealt with people like you before. You think that if you pull the "I'm a grown up and you're not" card, you can bamboozle the younger staff into believing you're right, despite their training. You think if you pull the "Well, I've always done it this way" you can confuse the younger staff into breaking policy.
There's a reason why I drum our returns policy and the Consumer Guarantees Act into the head of every new staff member who comes to work in my department. It's because of people like YOU. So, you can try your luck on J if you like - but under my tutelage, he's learned those documents backwards and forwards. He might be sixteen, but he can recite chunks of that legislation verbatim. So it doesn't matter how young he is. He knows that we've never allowed cash refunds, he's not going to kowtow to your bullying, and if you continue on the path you're walking, he's going to come and get me.
If he has to come and get me, you are not going to enjoy me one bit.
Suck the Fourth or, "In which my staff have not yet learned to clone themselves"
Yes, we heard you press the fitting room bell. We're very sorry, but all three of us are actively serving customers.
No, that won't change because you press the bell again/longer/more insistently. You're going to have to be patient.
We are not goofing off, we are not hiding in the stacks, we are not refusing to help you, we are HUMAN and we are BUSY and you are NOT the only customer in the department right now.
Suck the Fifth or, "In which you've had TWELVE HOURS..."
We opened at nine. We close at nine.
If you can't sort your life out in those twelve hours enough to come down and peruse our stock, then I don't know what to tell you. But come nine in the evening, I'm done. Our hours are clearly posted, and they haven't changed (with the exception of Christmas hours) for literally years. This is not new information.
Once we are closed, I don't have to be pleasant anymore, because once we are closed, you are no longer customers. You are trespassers.
Suck the Sixth or, "Keep your nasty remarks to yourself"
What you said wasn't funny. And that's not just because I happen to be a member of the minority group you were disparaging. It's because it's not fucking funny. The fact that you saw my disgust and followed it with "I don't mean she's actually [slur]. I mean, she's acting like one. It's a joke" doesn't makes it any better. In fact, it increases my wanting to punch you in the face about 300%, because now in the space of sixty seconds you've both used a slur about [the minority group I happen to belong to] AND called it a joke, meaning, making [the minority group I happen to belong to] the punchline of your pathetic, nasty, small little jokes is okay by you.
What you said was gross. And I'm not going to serve you. You want to be a disgusting pig? Fuck off and do it in your own space. But I'm not going to serve you, and I'm not going to apologize for turning on my heel and walking away, either.
What you said was revolting, and you can complain all you like. I'm busy telling my staff that they don't have to serve you either.
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