I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it further.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

The SCs just keep hunting me down...

Yeah...uh huh...suuuure they did

You might remember last time I mentioned the annoying mystery rep who makes outlandish promises to customers and NEVER notes accounts? Well it seems he has at least one accomplice.

I took a call from a guy who said a rep named Roger had told him that, for some inexplicable reason, we were going to move up the upgrade eligibility on all three of his lines.

Now ok, we do SOMETIMES move up upgrade eligibility on one, maybe even two lines IF the eligibility date is say, less than a month away.

His eligibility date was February 2016.

Here's where it gets more aggravating for me. There are actually notes in the account from two days ago. He did indeed talk to someone named Roger BUT Rogers notes make NO mention of this amazing upgrade deal.

As most of you should know by now, the golden rule around here is: If it isn't in the notes, it didn't happen.

Now the guy has been with us 10 years and has a decent account history and he's being respectable with me so I decide to help him out by giving him a few options:

1) I will offer an immediate upgrade on ONE of the lines
2) I will offer to waive his next upgrade fee on all three lines but not move up the eligibility
3) I will offer him a one time $150 credit for the inconvenience of this whole situation

Then suddenly his SC mode activates...

Now I am "insulting" him by only offering to do one line. My upgrade fee waiver offer is "a joke" and that $150 credit? He makes over twice that much every single day. Apparently if I'm going to offer a credit, I better make it worth his while.

I reiterated with him that the options I gave him were, in my opinion, pretty generous given the situation and I couldn't do any better.

Unacceptable he says, now he wants to me to give him three free upgrades or he's cancelling and going to Short Run Wireless.

Sorry I wasn't able to help you today sir, on what day would you like those cancellations effective?

*click*

How to get on my bad side FAST

I took over a call from a rep who happens to be a good friend of mine. She's usually unflappable but she almost lost her composure on this guy.

Why? He cut her off, refused to say anything more to her and demanded to speak "with a white man".

Oh hellllll no.

First of all, the rep in question is african american but her voice, especially on customer service calls, is relatively neutral. It could just as easily belong to a white rep or an asian rep or a latina rep.

So I get on with him, fix his problem (which was something ridiculously minor, he just wanted to know how to get his phone into a certain mode) and let him know in no uncertain terms this is 2015, <red checkmark> employs people of all different races and backgrounds and it is completely unacceptable to demand to speak to a white man. I explained going forward, even if he makes that demand again, there will be no expectation on us to honor it.

After I ended the call I put some lovely notes on that account.

In which I channel Darth Vader

A woman had $150 in data overages on her bill. That sucks, but 4 lines on a 6GB plan is just asking for trouble, especially with teenagers.

So, she gets talking to my rep who very graciously offers her $75 or half off, those data charges. Charges which mind you, are 100% valid and she really shouldn't be getting any off.

Of course $75 isn't good enough, she wants the whole thing so she gets to me, during the call this ensues....

Me: So you can understand why we can't give you the full $150 but I'm more than happy to offer you $60.
SC: Only $60?? the guy before you said $75!
Me: Yes he did. We are talking about a discretionary credit here. He was willing to offer you $75, I'm not.
SC: That's b**lshit! Give me my $75!
Me: I apologize but any offers made by a rep don't apply once a manager comes on the call. The offer is $60.
SC: Well, can you put me on the phone with that rep again?
(Nice try...)
Me: I'm afraid not. Once a call goes to a manager it stays with a manager. Besides, he's on another call already.
SC: You'll only give me $60?
Me: Correct.
SC: You know what? Just...screw you! I'm going to keep calling back until I get my $75!! *click*

I immediately added notes to the account:

BEWARE! Customer is fishing for credits. DO NOT offer more than $60 on the data charges!!

The coolest thing is, if someone ignores my warning and gives her more anyway, guess who has the power to go in the system and reverse it?

I'll be checking that account in the morning for sure.

Emergency you say?

Ok sir, let's review here:

1) You claim to be in a near life or death situation but won't tell me what it is
2) You have a prepaid phone with no money left on it
3) Despite the fact you CAN call 911 from any phone, money or not, that's not good enough
4) You want me to credit your account so you can call other people because it's an "emergency"
5) You openly admit to not having any money to add minutes
6) I can see in the account notes this is apparently the 3rd "emergency" you've had in the past three weeks.

The other reps weren't dumb enough to give you credit and neither am I. Buh Bye now, but thanks for playing.

You really don't get this whole TIME thing do you?

Ok I get it. Your phones not working, your phone sucks, you want another phone.
I can help with you that but no matter how much you scream at me I will NOT authorize a warranty claim on a device that's been out of warranty for TWO and a HALF years! Why? Because that's just not how ONE YEAR warranties work.

No, you can't get a free phone.

Oh, now we're being unfair and you're going to take your business to D-Mobile? Well, go right ahead. We'll be better off without you anyway.

[RootedPhoenix]

D-mobile isn't going to give them a warranty claim like that either. But they can sure try.....

[eltf177]

What a bunch of winners...not. I'm glad you shut these greedy SC's down, and I _loved_ that $75/$60 bit - way to shoot yourself in the foot!

[Jester]

BEWARE! Customer is fishing for credits. DO NOT offer more than $60 on the data charges!!

You are far too nice, and you missed a chance to be truly evil here. The rep offered her $75. She demanded a manager. You offered her $60. She made it clear she was going to fish for more. And this, my friend, is where an evil person would have written the exact same note as you wrote above, but would have advised not to offer her more than $50. And to continue to bring the offer down each time she called.

This is a very effective anti-bargaining technique, as you are coming from a position of strength: you hold all the power to offer or not offer any deal, and they don't have much power at all. And even the dumbest bunny will eventually figure out that they don't want you to alter the deal any further.

[sirwired]

Damn, with that racist [Insert Very Long String of Expletives Here], would your rep have gotten in any trouble had she just hung up on him? I would have. I hope your notes included things like "No Credits or Favors for This Customer, Ever", and "Terminate his contract if he's this rude again."

I expect you'll get more of Mr. Replace My 3 1/2yr Old Phone now that everybody's buying phones on an installment plan instead of a contract where a new phone was, indeed, pretty close to free.

[wolfie]

I took a call from a guy who said a rep named Roger had told him that, for some inexplicable reason, we were going to move up the upgrade eligibility on all three of his lines.

Then why doesn't he take his business to Rogers? Note: Rogers is an actual cellphone provider (in Canada). Seriously, if a rep had ACTUALLY made him such a generous offer, why didn't he take advantage of it WHILE HE WAS ON THE PHONE TO THAT REP?

SC: Only $60?? the guy before you said $75!
Me: Yes he did. We are talking about a discretionary credit here. He was willing to offer you $75, I'm not.
SC: That's b**lshit! Give me my $75!
Me: I apologize but any offers made by a rep don't apply once a manager comes on the call. The offer is $60.
SC: You know what? Just...screw you! I'm going to keep calling back until I get my $75!! *click*

I immediately added notes to the account:

BEWARE! Customer is fishing for credits. DO NOT offer more than $60 on the data charges!!

Missed a golden opportunity. You should have told him that the $60 offer was only "on the table" for the duration of the call, and when he hung up, put in the notes not to offer more than $(some amount LESS THAN 60).[/quote]

I will NOT authorize a warranty claim on a device that's been out of warranty for TWO and a HALF years! Why? Because that's just not how ONE YEAR warranties work.

Maybe I should file a warranty claim with Hyundai for some of the things that are happening with my car. After all, it IS only 19 years old.

[EricKei]

He makes over twice that much every single day. Apparently if I'm going to offer a credit, I better make it worth his while.

"So what you're saying, Sir, is that you don't really NEED any credit at all, because anything we could offer you would be irrelevant when compared to the money you have in the bank." **Note on account: Rich mofo. No credits. **

[catcul]

Emergency you say?

Ok sir, let's review here:

...

The other reps weren't dumb enough to give you credit and neither am I. Buh Bye now, but thanks for playing.

Maybe he was trying to move from Blue Ball to Intercourse. I don't mean the cities in PA.

[Mr Hero]

In which I channel Darth Vader
...

I immediately added notes to the account:

This deal's getting worse all the time!

[mjr]

You offered her $60. She made it clear she was going to fish for more. And this, my friend, is where an evil person would have written the exact same note as you wrote above, but would have advised not to offer her more than $50. And to continue to bring the offer down each time she called.

That's good!

Although one could be evil as well by saying something like, "Now it's $50. Wanna try for $40?"

[Monterey Jack]

"Pray I don't alter it any further".

[otakuneko]

You can now never think of that quote the same way again.

[jedimaster91]

I expect you'll get more of Mr. Replace My 3 1/2yr Old Phone now that everybody's buying phones on an installment plan instead of a contract where a new phone was, indeed, pretty close to free.

Technically not. Mr Jedi and I looked into those installment plans and what we were told by reps from two different providers is that you either get a discount on the phone or the plan. With an installment plan, the cost of the phone is built into your monthly payment, but you pay slightly less for the usage. It does make it easier and cheaper to upgrade since it's more of a lease. Buy the phone outright and the device is cheaper, but you don't get much of a break on usage fees. You're also stuck with that phone until the contract is up and you're eligible for an upgrade.

Both have their merits. For someone who wants to have the latest, greatest phone as soon as it comes out, the installment plan is usually better. But for someone like me who will use a phone until it completely dies, the installment plan doesn't make any sense.

Won't stop the SCs from believing what they want though.

[DGoddessChardonnay]

Both have their merits. For someone who wants to have the latest, greatest phone as soon as it comes out, the installment plan is usually better. But for someone like me who will use a phone until it completely dies, the installment plan doesn't make any sense.

Won't stop the SCs from believing what they want though.

The installment plan is good for someone who simply can't afford the full retail cost outright (such as me. I don't have $849 or so lying around that I can just plunk down for a new phone) so the monthly payments included in the bill is the way to go.

And I recently found out that Death Star has discontinued the subsidized price w/2 year contract, so the only options now for a new phone are pay outright the full retail price or the monthly installments.

Yes, you pay the sales tax (on the full retail cost) upfront and then on the next bill the monthly payments start, but I can handle that way better w/my budget than shelling out the full retail up front.

And I should have my new phone either next month or November, we're still deciding which month we can do this - but I do need a newer phone, especially as much as I use it at work. So we're figuring up around $25 or slightly more per month on our bill (already $101 and change for 2 lines w/3 GB rollover data.)

As I told Mom the other week in two words: Rose Gold.

[CrazedClerkthe2nd]

Ooh I like your ideas on how I could have been more evil with the credit fishing lady. I'll have to try those next time.