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I haven't posted in awhile but that's basically because I deal with the same crap day in and day out and haven't had many new and interesting stories for awhile but here's a refresher on some of the stuff I deal with all the time.
"Your system is wrong, ain't no way I used that much data!"
It never ceases to amaze me how many callers will plead blissful ignorance on their data usage and expect my company to either:
1) Move them to a new plan at no cost
2) Credit their overages
I've been doing this six years. How often have I seen the system be wrong? Three. THREE TIMES.
One dude last week tried to convince me that his phone turned on its own hotspot and somehow used 12 GB of data without him knowing a thing about it.
Uh huh, yeah, sure...
Or the lady who was disputing her data usage...until I connected to her phone and showed her the 16 GB of usage from the Youtube app. I couldn't see her, but I promise the cat butt face was there.
To every one of these customers I say: Do us all a favor and get your ass on an unlimited plan so we don't have these problems anymore okay?
"I spend so much money..."
I get SO SICK OF HEARING THIS. Yes, I understand, cell phones are expensive. I pay close to $300 myself each month but guess what? We live in a technology filled culture in which connectivity is almost a necessity, not to mention consumers endless desires for the latest and greatest in mobile technology (read: Phones AREN'T CHEAP).
Yeah, I get you're fishing for a credit or a better deal but I'll have more respect for you if you straight up ask rather than continuously whining about the cost of our services as if expecting me to a) care or b) do much about it.
"Why should I have to pay to replace a broken phone?!"
Uhhh, because it's broken? This is a simple concept: You BREAK something, you gotta pay to either a) get it fixed or b) get it replaced. This is consumer products 101 people, for crying out loud!
Like I said up there, phones are expensive and I understand it's a pain to have to replace one but guess what? Shit happens. If you have to, you have to.
Even worse are the ones who HAVE insurance and complain about having to pay a $150 deductible to replace a $750 handset. From where I sit that math works out in your favor even factoring in 12 months of insurance premiums.
It's cute you think <Red Checkmark> should just eat the cost of a new phone and send one out to you, especially seeing as how the phone being broken has nothing to do with us, but that's not gonna happen.
What do you mean you can't locate my phone?
I mean I CAN'T FIND YOUR PHONE. Look, I'm just a $15/hr phone jockey and this is real life, not CSI. I don't have some magical way to instantly pinpoint the location of your device (and presumably the person using it) to within 10 feet. That is NOT how this works. Either use your OWN locating apps or if it's serious enough: CALL THE COPS!
"I'm going to cancel and to go to x/y/z!"
This is the most meaningless threat in all of customer service but customers STILL seem to think it's some magic key that will make me jump up and miraculously do the exact thing I was REFUSING TO DO mere moments ago!
The only thing I will do if you drop this on me is roll my eyes yet again and ponder how phenomenally little I care that are you are thinking of taking your business elsewhere. We have tens of millions of customers, losing a few here and there doesn't mean jack. Good luck with Sprint, I'm sure you'll be thrilled being on their network.
And also, I HAVE to lay some of the blame on corporations here for creating "retention" departments training consumers they can get freebies and discounts if they threaten to cancel service. I bet none of the Ivy Leaguers who came up with this brilliant idea have taken these calls before!
Attack of the Invisible Hackers
Okay people, let's get this straight, 99% time your phone IS NOT HACKED. Either A) you've installed a malicious app on it that's messing with you or B) You've come across a garbage ad that looks like this:
Neither mean anything has been hacked, they just mean that you're being careless with how you use your phone. These are both easily fixed.
If it's not that, then it's one of what I like to call our "tin foil favorites". These people are the extremely parandoid, conspiracy theory types who think their phones are bugged, that people are listening to their calls, that the government is monitoring their every move, etc, etc. I don't even want to think about how much money we waste talking to these people constantly because they call in so damned much.
A lack of planning on your part...
Pop quiz!
How many of the following are the fault of <Red Checkmark>?
1) You're on vacation and you lose your phone and can't afford another.
2) You're on your sisters account and she has suspended your line and you don't know why.
3) We can order you a phone, but today is Friday and you can't get it until Monday or Tuesday because weekend.
4) Your car broke down in a very rural area where you happen to have no signal.
5) Your son took his brand new iPhone to school with him and someone stole it.
If you said NONE, congratulations! You win a cookie.
Unfortunately the victims of these incidents weren't quite so understanding as every last one of them browbeat me for credits, replacement phones and freebies that simply weren't deserved. Yes, it sucks when life doesn't go the way you want it to but there's no damned way that you wireless provider should have any obligation to bail you out.
Now to be fair, if someone is genuinely nice to me I do have ways of going outside the lines to potentially help with some of these situations, but if someone is being a raging entitled, douchewaffle...you can probably guess what I'm absolutely NOT inclined to do for them.
"Your system is wrong, ain't no way I used that much data!"
It never ceases to amaze me how many callers will plead blissful ignorance on their data usage and expect my company to either:
1) Move them to a new plan at no cost
2) Credit their overages
I've been doing this six years. How often have I seen the system be wrong? Three. THREE TIMES.
One dude last week tried to convince me that his phone turned on its own hotspot and somehow used 12 GB of data without him knowing a thing about it.
Uh huh, yeah, sure...
Or the lady who was disputing her data usage...until I connected to her phone and showed her the 16 GB of usage from the Youtube app. I couldn't see her, but I promise the cat butt face was there.
To every one of these customers I say: Do us all a favor and get your ass on an unlimited plan so we don't have these problems anymore okay?
"I spend so much money..."
I get SO SICK OF HEARING THIS. Yes, I understand, cell phones are expensive. I pay close to $300 myself each month but guess what? We live in a technology filled culture in which connectivity is almost a necessity, not to mention consumers endless desires for the latest and greatest in mobile technology (read: Phones AREN'T CHEAP).
Yeah, I get you're fishing for a credit or a better deal but I'll have more respect for you if you straight up ask rather than continuously whining about the cost of our services as if expecting me to a) care or b) do much about it.
"Why should I have to pay to replace a broken phone?!"
Uhhh, because it's broken? This is a simple concept: You BREAK something, you gotta pay to either a) get it fixed or b) get it replaced. This is consumer products 101 people, for crying out loud!
Like I said up there, phones are expensive and I understand it's a pain to have to replace one but guess what? Shit happens. If you have to, you have to.
Even worse are the ones who HAVE insurance and complain about having to pay a $150 deductible to replace a $750 handset. From where I sit that math works out in your favor even factoring in 12 months of insurance premiums.
It's cute you think <Red Checkmark> should just eat the cost of a new phone and send one out to you, especially seeing as how the phone being broken has nothing to do with us, but that's not gonna happen.
What do you mean you can't locate my phone?
I mean I CAN'T FIND YOUR PHONE. Look, I'm just a $15/hr phone jockey and this is real life, not CSI. I don't have some magical way to instantly pinpoint the location of your device (and presumably the person using it) to within 10 feet. That is NOT how this works. Either use your OWN locating apps or if it's serious enough: CALL THE COPS!
"I'm going to cancel and to go to x/y/z!"
This is the most meaningless threat in all of customer service but customers STILL seem to think it's some magic key that will make me jump up and miraculously do the exact thing I was REFUSING TO DO mere moments ago!
The only thing I will do if you drop this on me is roll my eyes yet again and ponder how phenomenally little I care that are you are thinking of taking your business elsewhere. We have tens of millions of customers, losing a few here and there doesn't mean jack. Good luck with Sprint, I'm sure you'll be thrilled being on their network.
And also, I HAVE to lay some of the blame on corporations here for creating "retention" departments training consumers they can get freebies and discounts if they threaten to cancel service. I bet none of the Ivy Leaguers who came up with this brilliant idea have taken these calls before!
Attack of the Invisible Hackers
Okay people, let's get this straight, 99% time your phone IS NOT HACKED. Either A) you've installed a malicious app on it that's messing with you or B) You've come across a garbage ad that looks like this:
Neither mean anything has been hacked, they just mean that you're being careless with how you use your phone. These are both easily fixed.
If it's not that, then it's one of what I like to call our "tin foil favorites". These people are the extremely parandoid, conspiracy theory types who think their phones are bugged, that people are listening to their calls, that the government is monitoring their every move, etc, etc. I don't even want to think about how much money we waste talking to these people constantly because they call in so damned much.
A lack of planning on your part...
Pop quiz!
How many of the following are the fault of <Red Checkmark>?
1) You're on vacation and you lose your phone and can't afford another.
2) You're on your sisters account and she has suspended your line and you don't know why.
3) We can order you a phone, but today is Friday and you can't get it until Monday or Tuesday because weekend.
4) Your car broke down in a very rural area where you happen to have no signal.
5) Your son took his brand new iPhone to school with him and someone stole it.
If you said NONE, congratulations! You win a cookie.
Unfortunately the victims of these incidents weren't quite so understanding as every last one of them browbeat me for credits, replacement phones and freebies that simply weren't deserved. Yes, it sucks when life doesn't go the way you want it to but there's no damned way that you wireless provider should have any obligation to bail you out.
Now to be fair, if someone is genuinely nice to me I do have ways of going outside the lines to potentially help with some of these situations, but if someone is being a raging entitled, douchewaffle...you can probably guess what I'm absolutely NOT inclined to do for them.
.
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