Fools and those who pity them

[Kara]

Yesterday was insane. Truly insane. I don’t know who spiked the Kool-Aid, but it was just nucking futs. I can’t really describe it, other than to show you the madness.

SW = Sucky Woman
SM = Sucky Man
Me = Me again

I love it when a plan comes together

SW: I want to know why they won’t activate another line for me!
ME: Well, it looks like you have a past due balance of $XXX.XX. Once that is paid, you can activate another line.
SW: But they let me do it before!
ME: We’ve had several system updates, I don’t know when that might have changed but I know the Activations system cannot activate a line on the existing account if it’s past due.
SW: I'm tired of getting all this shit from (COMPANY). Saying one thing then saying something else. You be talkin' all this jibba-jabba.

Easy there, B.A. Don’t make me give you a sedative in your milk and put you on a plane with that Murdock fool.

Outrageously Outrageous

SW: It is outrageous to pay such a high bill when I was only over the minutes for the last couple of days in my bill cycle.
ME: I’m sorry, but you did go 237 minutes over in those 2 days.
SW: Can’t you just write it off as a customer service thing?

No, I can’t. And even if I could (I can’t), I wouldn’t. “Customer service” does not = sling money around like a monkey throwing handfuls of poo. And why so many, many people think otherwise is beyond me. So no, I will not credit your account. Pay the bill, then go about your business of howling at people who walk by and picking parasites off your children. What I can do as a “customer service thing” is tell you “No” in the nicest possible way and laugh at your misfortune, then make fun of you on the internet.

Choices

SM: Here’s what I want. Either work with me on the price of the phone, or I’ll cancel and go to (COMPETITOR).

No! Please, no! Not that! Don’t leave me for them! I’m waaay prettier, and they could never love you like I can! I’ll do anything, ANYTHING for you!

Just kidding. I am working with you. I’m offering you a $500 piece of equipment for $150. “Working” with you seems to mean giving it to you for free, which I couldn’t do even if I wanted to (I don’t). In other words, see you later assbag.

Oh, it’s like THAT, is it?

SW: Thank you. You were very good, but you were a bit fuzzy.

Okay, so I slept in a little and didn’t have time to shave my legs. You don’t have to go broadcasting it to everyone! Besides, you didn't complain during.

Password

ME: Could I just have the password for your account?
SM: Um… What is the password?

How very crafty of you. Trying to catch me off guard, to confound me into answering the very question I asked you, thus providing you with unauthorized access to this account. There is just one tiny flaw in your brilliant scheme, oh insidious mastermind. I am not an idiot. So it seems I am more cleverer than you. OMG U R TEH SUK. LOL.

WTF

SM: Why do I have to renew my contract?
ME: You don’t have to. But renewing the contract allows us to get the phone at a discount.
SM: I don’t want a discount! I just want it for free!

Stop right there. Take a deep breath. Put the beer down. Wipe the nacho cheese off your mouth. Cleansing breath. Clear your mind, it shouldn’t take long. Now, think about what you just said to me. Notice anything wrong? It’s okay, I’ll wait. Found it yet? Tell you what, why don’t I leave you to sort it out while I take care of more intelligent members of your species.

Or not…

SW: I lost my phone about 20 minutes ago.
ME: I’m sorry to hear that. Let’s get it suspended so no one else can use it if they find it before you do.
SW: What?
ME: We want to suspend your phone since you lost it to keep anyone else from using it.
SW: Wait…what?
ME: You lost your phone about 20 minutes ago, right?
SW: Um… wait… what happened?

Yeah, okay, I’ve got an idea. Why don’t I put you with the discount guy and the two of you can put your intellectual might together and figure this all out. Between the two of you, you should at least be able to sort out how to breathe at the appropriate pace. It’s okay, the room is coated with space-age Nerf ball material. I’ll check on you in a week or so. If you get hungry, I have also left a couple of Joust sticks from American Gladiators. You two can fight it out and, well, to the victor go the vittles.

[Sliceanddice]

Oh, it’s like THAT, is it?

SW: Thank you. You were very good, but you were a bit fuzzy.

Okay, so I slept in a little and didn’t have time to shave my legs. You don’t have to go broadcasting it to everyone! Besides, you didn't complain during.

im jealose.... and everytime i read your posts im reminded i have an upgrade on my phone coming soon....

[BookstoreEscapee]

ME: Could I just have the password for your account?
SM: Um… What is the password?

can you use "password" as your password? just wonderin'

[Kara]

can you use "password" as your password? just wonderin'

I have had accounts where the password is "Password," yes. So technically, I shouldn't be able to ask for the password, since we can't give it out or hint to what it is. And if someone were to say "I don't know the Password," or "Password?" then they would technically be granted access. I don't recommend it -_-

[katie kaboom]

I remember reading somewhere that "password" is one of the most widely used passwords. Makes your head hurt just thinking about it, doesn't it?

[draggar]

SM: Here’s what I want. Either work with me on the price of the phone, or I’ll cancel and go to (COMPETITOR).

Bye, don't let the early termination fee hit you in the ass on your way out! Oh, that's for EACH line.

We had a customer today who's phone was so corroded (how corroded was it?) the inside looked like Scarfase had sprinkled dirty cocain inside it. Yes, salt water and phones do not mix well.

He went to a sales rep demanding to cancel all of his lines. The rep calmly said "Well sir, with your five lines all in contract, that would be $1,000 in early termination fees. Would you like me to cancel them or does the insurance company / purchasing a new phone sound better?

Okay, so I slept in a little and didn’t have time to shave my legs. You don’t have to go broadcasting it to everyone! Besides, you didn't complain during.

He's only using you for your voice and access to the phone service, come on, you didn't know that?

[Kara]

I remember reading somewhere that "password" is one of the most widely used passwords

Even better is that a lot of phone manufacturers use "12345" as the default security code. I think of Spaceballs every time I tell it to a customer. A lot of times I'll give in and deepen my voice a bit for the Dark Helmet effect and say "So the combination is 1,2,3,4,5."

He's only using you for your voice and access to the phone service, come on, you didn't know that?

She, actually. She kept complaining that I sounded "fuzzy" all through the call, then hit me with that at the end and I couldn't resist.

[MrSunshineState]

I remember reading somewhere that "password" is one of the most widely used passwords. Makes your head hurt just thinking about it, doesn't it?

I remember the same thing.

[Broomjockey]

Hey, so I wanna get a new phone that I can use as a pda, but I've got a year left on my contract, so they won't let me renew with a three year contract and get the phone at that price. Funny thing? The lady at the store gave me the customer loyalty number and told me to call and be slightly sucky (threaten to not renew) if I couldn't get the phone at that price.

Now, she was nice, but I'm wondering if some of your people who call in wanting free phones and such aren't being given the number by the stores? And I don't just mean the people cancelling to "move to China" either.

[CancelMyService]

I don't know the percentages, but yes people get told by reps in stores of pretty much every cell phone company to do that very thing. Usually results in a "wtf did they tell you to call here?" from the phone rep.

[sms001]

SW: It is outrageous to pay such a high bill when I was only over the minutes for the last couple of days in my bill cycle.

As opposed to those who go over for their entire bill cycle? Or are "over" for the first couple of days but not for the rest? Over is over SC!

ME: I’m sorry, but you did go 237 minutes over in those 2 days.

ahhhh.... now it makes sense. Of COURSE you shouldn't have to pay for being FOUR HOURS!!! over. Cripes. I don't think I talk to people for two hours a day face to face.

and laugh at your misfortune, then make fun of you on the internet.

Mission accomplished, thanks for the chuckles.

[Tito]

SW: I lost my phone about 20 minutes ago.
ME: I’m sorry to hear that. Let’s get it suspended so no one else can use it if they find it before you do.
SW: What?
ME: We want to suspend your phone since you lost it to keep anyone else from using it.
SW: Wait…what?
ME: You lost your phone about 20 minutes ago, right?
SW: Um… wait… what happened?

.

Can you say scammer? I think that she thought if she told you she lost her phone, you'd give her another one (better) for free. She then got all flustered when her little scheme did not go according to plan. I saw that more than once back in my retail days.

[earl colby pottinger]

Scammer

Can you say scammer? I think that she thought if she told you she lost her phone, you'd give her another one (better) for free. She then got all flustered when her little scheme did not go according to plan. I saw that more than once back in my retail days.

The other scam I thought of was:

1) Report the phone stolen.

2) Use it to call long distance for the next couple of days.

3) Claim none of the calls were made by owner.

Of-course this person did not realize in "TODAY'S" modern systems reaction times can be seconds.

[Imogene]

I don't think I talk to people for two hours a day face to face.

Hell, I can, why can't you? It helps if they're new people who've never heard my rants, of course, because then I can go on a ten-hour long set-up of arguments about my way of seeing the world. No, religion is not brought up, unless whomever I'm ranting torwards asks.

[Becks]

I remember reading somewhere that "password" is one of the most widely used passwords. Makes your head hurt just thinking about it, doesn't it?

I remember hearing about that, too.

People think they're so clever!!

Even better is that a lot of phone manufacturers use "12345" as the default security code. I think of Spaceballs every time I tell it to a customer. A lot of times I'll give in and deepen my voice a bit for the Dark Helmet effect and say "So the combination is 1,2,3,4,5."

I can picture that.