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Like I said in my last post, the tales I told were only off the top of my head. Now I've had some time to think about what has been going on for the past three months!
Drunk coward looking for action
DC: Hey! Mate! Mate! Mate!
Me: What?
DC: What's that really hot girls name? *points to co-worker*
Me: Ask her.
DC: What's her name?
Me: Ask her.
DC: I want you to tell me.
Me: No, she might not want me to. You ask her.
DC: Mate, mate, mate, what's that really hot girls name?
Me: Ask her.
DC: Come on mate, tell me her name.
Me: Arnold.
DC: Arnold....lovely.
We are NOT pets!
One thing that REALLY annoys me is when people whistle for service. I just believe it is wrong on so many levels, we are not animals, we do not come running when someone whistles. Now that I am becoming a manager, I have been put in a much higher postion of authority, which can be great sometimes.
We are really busy, and I hear whistling.
Me: *to entire bar* Who did that?
Entire staff and customers stare at me.
Me: *very angrily* Who did that?
SC: Yeah it was me, I want servi..
Me: Get the fuck out.
SC: *shakily* Wha...wha..
Me: You want something to whistle at? Buy a fucking dog. Now get out.
He very sheepishly walked away. Like I said, I have been very bad tempered lately.
The Child
There are two customers at the bar, a man and a woman.
Me: Hi there, which one of you guys was next?
Man: ME! ME! ME! I WAS NEXT I WAS NEXT!
Me: *to woman* What can I get you ma'am?
Drug Addicts?
A customer comes up to the bar.
SC: Hi, I would like to order some deserts...
Me: OK sir, what table number are you sitting at?
SC: Oh...just by the river, with my children.
Uh-oh.
Me: Oh I'm really sorry sir, but we can't have food by the river, we have a real problem with the geese attacking people for their food. We also can't have children by the river, we are not insured if something were to happen to them.
SC: I AM NOT BRINGING MY CHILDREN IN HERE!
Me: You don't have to. We have plenty of seating in the patio should you wish to stay outdoors. You will still have a nice view of the river...
SC: I AM NOT BRINGING MY CHILDREN NEAR THIS BAR!
Me: OK...
SC: THERE ARE PEOPLE DOING HEROIN IN THIS BAR!
Me: What? Where?
SC: DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW! I SAW THEM! OVER THERE! *points to random alcove*
Me: People are doing heroin?
SC: TAKE YOUR FUCKING MENU *throws menu* AND ME AND MY CHILDREN WILL FIND SOMEWHERE SAFE TO EAT!!
I walked off the bar to the alcove where he was pointing to. There was a small family in there, laughing, joking and enjoying their meals. That was it.
But there was a silver lining. Three customers bought me drinks! They thought he had really upset me! One guy even offered to follow him and beat him up for me! I politely declinded. It will take a bigger freak than that to upset me.
Stronger than yesterday
After seeing my friend in prison, I have become A LOT stronger. Seriously. He is going through so much and he still has a smile on his face, and it has inspired me. I was a wreck for ages, but I am so much better now.
So, a customer comes up to the bar.
SC: I WANT TO SEE A MANAGER!
Me: I'm the manager on duty today sir, what can I do for you?
SC: YOU'RE JUST A KID! GET ME THE REAL ONE!
Me: I assure you sir, I am real.
SC: FINE! ME AND MY WIFE ORDERED HOME MADE MEALS! OUR MEALS ARE NOT HOME MADE!
Me: Sir, where abouts on the menu does it say our food is home made?
SC: YOU ARE A REST-
Me: I will cut you off there sir, we are not a restraunt, we are a bar. 90% of our money goes on alcohol, not food. Food is an extra.
SC: MAKE US A HOME MADE MEAL!
Me: We have no way of doing that sir. Our food is pre-made and sent to us by our distributor.
SC: YOU MEAN IT IS REHEATED??
Me: Sir, can you lower your voice please? No, it is not reheated. It is all fresh, someone makes it, sends it to us, and then we cook it.
SC: YOU FUCKING...
Me: OK sir, I will stop you again, do not swear at me.
I must note, I was still smiling and cheerful.
SC: WHY ARE YOU SMILING?
Me: Well sir, what do you expect me to do? Cry?
SC: *not so confident anymore* Uhhh, THIS FOOD IS...NOT GOOD ENOUGH, AND YOU ARE STILL SMILING.
Me: Sir, it will take a lot more than that to make me cry. It must be so nice when all you have to worry about is if your food is home made or not. Now, what can I do for you? Where is this complaint leading?
SC: JUST...JUST...FORGET IT, WE ARE LEAVING!
The manager supervising me watched this. He believed he had been transported into a parallel universe because it was so unlike me to be so confident and witty with a customer.
On the rocks?
SC: Whiskey.
Me: On the rocks? Neat? A dash?
SC: Meh?
Me: Ice? On its own? With a mixer?
SC: Whiskey
I make him it neat.
SC: Where the fuck are the rocks?
Me: You are very good at cursing sir, but not so good at answering questions.
SC: Meh?
Really...I mean...really
SC: I'd like to order a burger.
Me: OK, sure, I've got that. Would you like anything extra with your burger? Maybe some onion rings? BBQ sauce? Or...
SC: STOP FUCKING TRYING TO CON ME!
Ladies first???
I serve a group of guys. As this is going on, a woman walks up to the bar.
SC: EXCUSE ME! WOMAN DOWN HERE! HELLO? WOMAN HERE! FUCKING HELL!
Manager walks out.
SC: THANK FUCK! THAT SEXIST BASTARD ISN'T SERVING ME!
Manager: Were you next?
SC: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LADIES FIRST? FUCKING SEXIST PIG!
Manager: Were you next?
I shouted down the bar.
Me: NO, SHE WASN'T!
SC: HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF LADIES FIRST? YOU'RE IGNORING ME BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN, SEXIST. OR SHOULD I SAY, HOMO!
Manager: Fuck off you feminist lesbian.
SC: WHAT???
Manager: What? I didn't say anything.
SC: YOU'RE ALL SEXIST!! BASTARDS!
She stormed off.
OK, I know my stories sound awful, but take into account...these have all taken place over the space of three months, and despite these tales, I absolutely love my job. The staff are brilliant, and when the customers are happy and nice, it is so rewarding. It has now gotten to a point where these SC's are a source of amusment.
Drunk coward looking for action
DC: Hey! Mate! Mate! Mate!
Me: What?
DC: What's that really hot girls name? *points to co-worker*
Me: Ask her.
DC: What's her name?
Me: Ask her.
DC: I want you to tell me.
Me: No, she might not want me to. You ask her.
DC: Mate, mate, mate, what's that really hot girls name?
Me: Ask her.
DC: Come on mate, tell me her name.
Me: Arnold.
DC: Arnold....lovely.
We are NOT pets!
One thing that REALLY annoys me is when people whistle for service. I just believe it is wrong on so many levels, we are not animals, we do not come running when someone whistles. Now that I am becoming a manager, I have been put in a much higher postion of authority, which can be great sometimes.
We are really busy, and I hear whistling.
Me: *to entire bar* Who did that?
Entire staff and customers stare at me.
Me: *very angrily* Who did that?
SC: Yeah it was me, I want servi..
Me: Get the fuck out.
SC: *shakily* Wha...wha..
Me: You want something to whistle at? Buy a fucking dog. Now get out.
He very sheepishly walked away. Like I said, I have been very bad tempered lately.
The Child
There are two customers at the bar, a man and a woman.
Me: Hi there, which one of you guys was next?
Man: ME! ME! ME! I WAS NEXT I WAS NEXT!
Me: *to woman* What can I get you ma'am?
Drug Addicts?
A customer comes up to the bar.
SC: Hi, I would like to order some deserts...
Me: OK sir, what table number are you sitting at?
SC: Oh...just by the river, with my children.
Uh-oh.
Me: Oh I'm really sorry sir, but we can't have food by the river, we have a real problem with the geese attacking people for their food. We also can't have children by the river, we are not insured if something were to happen to them.
SC: I AM NOT BRINGING MY CHILDREN IN HERE!
Me: You don't have to. We have plenty of seating in the patio should you wish to stay outdoors. You will still have a nice view of the river...
SC: I AM NOT BRINGING MY CHILDREN NEAR THIS BAR!
Me: OK...
SC: THERE ARE PEOPLE DOING HEROIN IN THIS BAR!
Me: What? Where?
SC: DON'T PRETEND YOU DON'T KNOW! I SAW THEM! OVER THERE! *points to random alcove*
Me: People are doing heroin?
SC: TAKE YOUR FUCKING MENU *throws menu* AND ME AND MY CHILDREN WILL FIND SOMEWHERE SAFE TO EAT!!
I walked off the bar to the alcove where he was pointing to. There was a small family in there, laughing, joking and enjoying their meals. That was it.
But there was a silver lining. Three customers bought me drinks! They thought he had really upset me! One guy even offered to follow him and beat him up for me! I politely declinded. It will take a bigger freak than that to upset me.
Stronger than yesterday
After seeing my friend in prison, I have become A LOT stronger. Seriously. He is going through so much and he still has a smile on his face, and it has inspired me. I was a wreck for ages, but I am so much better now.
So, a customer comes up to the bar.
SC: I WANT TO SEE A MANAGER!
Me: I'm the manager on duty today sir, what can I do for you?
SC: YOU'RE JUST A KID! GET ME THE REAL ONE!
Me: I assure you sir, I am real.
SC: FINE! ME AND MY WIFE ORDERED HOME MADE MEALS! OUR MEALS ARE NOT HOME MADE!
Me: Sir, where abouts on the menu does it say our food is home made?
SC: YOU ARE A REST-
Me: I will cut you off there sir, we are not a restraunt, we are a bar. 90% of our money goes on alcohol, not food. Food is an extra.
SC: MAKE US A HOME MADE MEAL!
Me: We have no way of doing that sir. Our food is pre-made and sent to us by our distributor.
SC: YOU MEAN IT IS REHEATED??
Me: Sir, can you lower your voice please? No, it is not reheated. It is all fresh, someone makes it, sends it to us, and then we cook it.
SC: YOU FUCKING...
Me: OK sir, I will stop you again, do not swear at me.
I must note, I was still smiling and cheerful.
SC: WHY ARE YOU SMILING?
Me: Well sir, what do you expect me to do? Cry?
SC: *not so confident anymore* Uhhh, THIS FOOD IS...NOT GOOD ENOUGH, AND YOU ARE STILL SMILING.
Me: Sir, it will take a lot more than that to make me cry. It must be so nice when all you have to worry about is if your food is home made or not. Now, what can I do for you? Where is this complaint leading?
SC: JUST...JUST...FORGET IT, WE ARE LEAVING!
The manager supervising me watched this. He believed he had been transported into a parallel universe because it was so unlike me to be so confident and witty with a customer.
On the rocks?
SC: Whiskey.
Me: On the rocks? Neat? A dash?
SC: Meh?
Me: Ice? On its own? With a mixer?
SC: Whiskey
I make him it neat.
SC: Where the fuck are the rocks?
Me: You are very good at cursing sir, but not so good at answering questions.
SC: Meh?
Really...I mean...really
SC: I'd like to order a burger.
Me: OK, sure, I've got that. Would you like anything extra with your burger? Maybe some onion rings? BBQ sauce? Or...
SC: STOP FUCKING TRYING TO CON ME!
Ladies first???
I serve a group of guys. As this is going on, a woman walks up to the bar.
SC: EXCUSE ME! WOMAN DOWN HERE! HELLO? WOMAN HERE! FUCKING HELL!
Manager walks out.
SC: THANK FUCK! THAT SEXIST BASTARD ISN'T SERVING ME!
Manager: Were you next?
SC: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO LADIES FIRST? FUCKING SEXIST PIG!
Manager: Were you next?
I shouted down the bar.
Me: NO, SHE WASN'T!
SC: HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF LADIES FIRST? YOU'RE IGNORING ME BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN, SEXIST. OR SHOULD I SAY, HOMO!
Manager: Fuck off you feminist lesbian.
SC: WHAT???
Manager: What? I didn't say anything.
SC: YOU'RE ALL SEXIST!! BASTARDS!
She stormed off.
OK, I know my stories sound awful, but take into account...these have all taken place over the space of three months, and despite these tales, I absolutely love my job. The staff are brilliant, and when the customers are happy and nice, it is so rewarding. It has now gotten to a point where these SC's are a source of amusment.
I used to hate it when people did that to me. I was never bold enough to do what you did, but I did eventually train myself not to turn my head or change my pace when someone whistled. Of course, they'd do it again and again, and make themselves look like the idiots they were.
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