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  • #1

    Parts and Pestilence

    I will try to keep this short and sweet, as I want to post it before it sinks into the murkiness of yesterday. I have acquired someone's pestilence and it makes me feel like reheated ass.

    I have been sick since last night, and would have called in today were it not my beloved Saturday. Remedial counter day. Only two parts guys day. I had to go in.



    8 o'clock means exactly that

    This knuckle licker was waiting outside at 7:45. Outside his truck, in 40 degrees F with a slight breeze. Somewhat cold. We open at 8, no matter how many of you are standing at the gate with a ravenous look. Deal with it.


    I open the door, and he nearly knocks me over getting inside. Did I mention I feel like crap?

    He then goes on a rant about how cold it is and how we should have let him in. My coworker asked why he didn't just wait in his truck. No good reason other than "bad customer service". Right. I spoke to him not at all. Feel like crap.


    Oh my God it's the funky shit!

    This next SC I will refer to as "Miss Thang". She was a white girl decked out like Fubu was giving her contingency money, and she has some truly bitchin' cornrows.


    MT: Yo, whatz da warranty in dis?<hands me a three year old receipt for an alternator>

    Me: Expired. <I feel like crap>

    MT: Das' bullshit, yo.

    Me: 12 months on over the counter parts. <achey>

    MT: Ya'll should give me a free one, yo.

    Me: No. <sore>

    MT: Maybe I get it at Kragen, den.

    Me: OK <go away>


    How many bets that she had about 1000w of "phat beatz" straining the crap out of her electrical system?


    Peckerwood hillbilly

    I live nowhere near the south. I'm sure a southern drawl is quite common below the mason-dixon line, but here it means profound stupidity.


    PWH: Kin ya'll cut a keeee fer mah truck?

    Me: What year is it?

    PWH: 1982.

    Me: Do you have a key or did you lose them? <I already know the answer to this>

    PWH: Ah lawst 'em.

    Me: Call a locksmith.

    PWH: Dey wants $300!!

    Me: I'm sure they do. Good day.



    I can't magically get key codes for old junk, no matter how much the evil locksmith is going to charge you or how much you whine. Suck it up.



    Parts for Jesus


    I've truncated this call because it was relatively normal until the last few seconds.



    Me: I would need to order that for you.

    PJ: Oh, Jesus won't be happy with me.

    Me: Pardon?

    PJ: If I don't fix this today I can't go to church tomorrow.

    Me: Sorry for the inconvenience.

    PJ: What would you do if you couldn't get to church?

    Me: I don't go to church.

    PJ: HERESY!!!!!!! GAAAHHHHH<click>


    Right-o.




    This is longer than I wanted it to be. Back to the couch with me.
    I know nothing and I can prove it!
    Tags: None
  • #2
    I'm sorry for your ailment. I'd give you soup if that wouldn't be incredibly weird.
    "I'm working for popcorn - what I get paid doesn't rise to the level of peanuts." -Courtesy of Darkwish

    ...Beware the voice without a face...

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    • #3
      Ooooh... so sorry to hear you've got the nasty stuff that's going around.

      My brother ended up with pneumonia. He finally gets to go back to work on Monday, after being out for three weeks.

      ^-.-^
      Faith is about what you do. It's about aspiring to be better and nobler and kinder than you are. It's about making sacrifices for the good of others. - Dresden

      Comment

      • #4
        haha you made someone cry cuz you don't go to church! that's awesome Do you think they spend the next hour in prayer for forgiveness for talking to you?
        When it comes to getting things done, we need fewer architects and more bricklayers. ---Colleen C. Barrett---

        Comment

        • #5
          possibly just that hippie. I'd have suggested he begin walking right now or just pray in his own home during service time. i'm somewhere between atheist and nonpracticing christian and i believe god isnt picky how you worship him. but lets stay away from that before we need it to go to Fratching

          Comment

          • #6
            Quoth Jadedcarguy View Post

            Peckerwood hillbilly

            I live nowhere near the south. I'm sure a southern drawl is quite common below the mason-dixon line, but here it means profound stupidity.
            On behalf of all residents below the Mason-Dixon line, I sincerely apologize for this moron. There are areas where at a certain point in the family tree, it does not fork. Obviously he was one of those.
            I'm sorry, the person to whom you were speaking has been replaced by a recording. Please leave your message at the sound of the beep.

            Comment

            • #7
              My comments:

              #1 - First and foremost, I hope you kick whatever it is that ails you quickly. Being sick bites the big one, and being sick to the point where you can hardly function bites even harder.

              #2 - I absolutely loved how you handled Miss Thang. Short, sweet, and to the point. I think that's all that needs to be said.

              #3 - Superb job in dealing with PWH. Like he would even be able to rub his two brain cells together long enough to complain about you if he wanted to.

              #4 - You should have told the lady that you found Jesus. . . under your couch. Honestly, what kind of answer was she expecting from you?

              Comment

              • #8
                Quoth NightWatch View Post
                I'm sorry for your ailment. I'd give you soup if that wouldn't be incredibly weird.
                Quoth Andara Bledin View Post
                Ooooh... so sorry to hear you've got the nasty stuff that's going around.

                My brother ended up with pneumonia. He finally gets to go back to work on Monday, after being out for three weeks.

                ^-.-^
                Thanks. I actually feel much better today.

                Quoth TryNotToBeThatOne View Post
                There are areas where at a certain point in the family tree, it does not fork. Obviously he was one of those.
                I think this guy had his family tree circle back around on itself.

                Quoth theredbaron47 View Post
                Honestly, what kind of answer was she expecting from you?
                Actually, it was a he, and really old from the sound of it. I think he came from a time when pretty much everyone went to church, and his mind is still stuck there.
                I know nothing and I can prove it!

                Comment

                • #9
                  Quoth Jadedcarguy View Post

                  Oh my God it's the funky shit!

                  This next SC I will refer to as "Miss Thang". She was a white girl decked out like Fubu was giving her contingency money, and she has some truly bitchin' cornrows.


                  MT: Yo, whatz da warranty in dis?<hands me a three year old receipt for an alternator>

                  Me: Expired. <I feel like crap>

                  MT: Das' bullshit, yo.

                  Me: 12 months on over the counter parts. <achey>

                  MT: Ya'll should give me a free one, yo.

                  Me: No. <sore>

                  MT: Maybe I get it at Kragen, den.

                  Me: OK <go away>


                  How many bets that she had about 1000w of "phat beatz" straining the crap out of her electrical system?
                  Not only a great story, but you went with Prodigy for your title! Awesome!

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    First off, get well soon.

                    Quoth Jadedcarguy View Post
                    I live nowhere near the south. I'm sure a southern drawl is quite common below the mason-dixon line, but here it means profound stupidity.
                    I grew up in Arkansas. I have a drawl, albeit not a pronounced one. I live in the Midwest. I start work on my Ph.D. next fall. It really bothers me when people make assumptions on my intelligence based on how I speak.

                    I realize this is OT, but it's something I run into on a regular basis and I'm a little hypersensitive to it.
                    Last edited by AdminAssistant; 03-30-2008, 07:12 PM.
                    "Even arms dealers need groceries." ~ Ziva David, NCIS

                    Tony: "Everyone's counting on you, just do what you do best."
                    Abby: "Dance?" ~ NCIS

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Quoth Jadedcarguy View Post
                      Parts for Jesus

                      I've truncated this call because it was relatively normal until the last few seconds.



                      Me: I would need to order that for you.

                      PJ: Oh, Jesus won't be happy with me.

                      Me: Pardon?

                      PJ: If I don't fix this today I can't go to church tomorrow.

                      Y'know Jesus is a pretty forgiving guy. I'm sure he'd understand that you couldn't make it because your vehicle is dead.
                      ludo ergo sum

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        You could tell Jesus guy that the Lord is everywhere...of course that never works with my ultra-Catholic grandmother who insists everyone MUST go church no matter what.

                        Really, I think if God can forgive X,Y,Z, he can forgive the guy for not going to church due to his truck not working.

                        As for Miss Thang? We have a few of those around here. As a matter of fact, my teen neighbor is the male version. "Yo, yo, yo, homey!" and what not. FTR, my black friends talk nothing like that. I'm wondering if I should introduce them, but I would hate to break the kids stereotype of what he thinks black people talk like It's a little hard to take people like Miss Thang seriously.
                        "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did."
                        George Carlin

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Quoth Whyme View Post
                          It's a little hard to take people like Miss Thang seriously.
                          Only a little?

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Quoth TryNotToBeThatOne View Post
                            On behalf of all residents below the Mason-Dixon line, I sincerely apologize for this moron. There are areas where at a certain point in the family tree, it does not fork. Obviously he was one of those.
                            On behalf of those from the deep south (like myself -- I'm from NC, it counts.) I too apologize, as there is a chance this baboon is a relation of mine (yes, it's true, all "suthners" are somehow related to each other...).

                            Don't worry about insulting too many southern folks; stereotyping is hard to get away from when it comes to hicks like that guy and you know what they say about yankees. No feelings hurt here.
                            Ridiculous 2009 Predictions: Evil Queen will beat Martha Stewart to death with a muffin pan. All hail Evil Queen! (Some things don't need elaboration.....) -- Jester

                            Ridiculous 2010 Predictions: Evil Queen, after escaping prison for last years prediction, goes out and waffle irons Rachel Ray to death. -- SG15Z

                            Ridiculous 2011 Prediction: Evil Queen will beat Gordon Ramsay over the head with a cast-iron skillet. -- FireHeart

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Evil Queen summed it up nicely. I was going to say something like that, but didn't know how to phrase it.

                              Thank you.

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